Lord Zaika

Lord Zaika

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Incursions

A good story for good readers

Full disclosure, the author and I work together to edit and polish each other's stories, so I've seen a lot more of the story than probably anyone else.

Regarding the story. The world is a darker reflection of ours, similar enough to be familiar, but a few more clicks further on the dystopia meter in multiple areas.

Something the author does that is a bit unusual in the genre is focus on making super powers work within the constraints of reality and physics. A great example of this is that a character who can transform into metal, suddenly has to weigh several thousand pounds, and this changes how they move and affect the world around them. So the existence of the power might not be understood, but how that ability works in the real world has been modeled with care.

Main character is presented as and considers himself to be an everyman. As events unfold, it appears he might just be more of a chosen one. 

The major side storylines include a powerful individual who might be a supervillain or superhero and a paramilitary mercenary group with a fair number of super-powered members.

There is clearly more happening in the world, and some of that is shown in the side stories. This is generally an origin story, with super powers and a system, told in an unusual way.

In my opinion, his work starts above average for RR, and then he keeps working on it until it's much better than that.

I can say with confidence that if you read something that looks like a mistake or continuity error, don't be so sure.

I can't speak about every writer on RR, but I can say that for already having a finished story ready when he started posting the story, Taykaim continues to polish and evaluate the story for improvements far beyond what most writers appear to.

Recently he's begun reintroducing some deleted scenes that were pulled for various reasons. So far all of them are good, and would have been better included in the first place. I suspect that many writers would not bother with this level of effort.

Readers will see that this story blends the experience of a newcomer to the "system", with other scenes showing those who are clearly far more advanced.

Readers who want a character that is punching a hole in the Sun by level ten probably won't find the power level pacing satisfying. Readers who are sick of ridiculously fast power curves and OP MC's will probably like the way things go.

Regarding this pacing, its worth a mention or warning that the author has chosen a slow burn style of story, and the MC ends up going through a lot to shape him from a typical office worker into something more.

Character: 5/5 To understand this score, readers need to understand that there are several major story lines, and the main character is only one of them. Each major character is given time to develop, and show us what they are like, and who they are.

Style: 5/5  The author assumes skilled readers, who are good at picking up subtle signs.

The story does almost all its world building in small discrete chunks, disguised as  or wrapped into other POVs or secondary storylines. Some details are understated, and a reader needs to be observant to catch them. If you know how to read a modern thriller, mystery or larger scale story of any genre, this will come across well. 

To say it more clearly, the author never has "this is a world building moment" instead you see things happening, and characters either talking or planning or doing, and thats how you learn about the world. Not all readers will be into that.

Grammar: 5/5 No one is perfect, but the overall grammar and language presented is top notch.

Story: 4.5/5 Early pacing is probably the biggest weakness in the story. It looks worse than it is due to short chapters released frequently. Now that the story has over 50 chapters and they have gotten longer, it is quite improved.


Enlightened Empire

It's well written, and I didn't have any issues with grammar. I do like the premise of the story, and the MC who uses their brains to overcome their obstacles. I am very curious what other modern knowledge the author is going to use obtain an advantage. Maybe mass production method of steel, or crucible steel? Using lead in glass production to make crystal glass? Or perhaps make guncotton? dynomite? There's a lot of cool things he can do.

Ice cream!


Distant Leaps to Circinus [Obsolete]

Though initially the grammar is lackluster, the writer has definitly shown improvement, and the story is very much thankful for that.


The Long Night

I liked how the story slowly devolved, gaining depth and shadows. I didn't find any issues with grammar, and the pace was pretty good, not too slow, and not too fast. This could make for a good horror fantasy.

Could use white spaces between paragraphs. Also, some of them need to be broken up.


George of the Dungeon

The story was engaging, making you want to read the next chapter. The prologue was decent, though a bit too long winded and could have been made more streamlined.

One big flaw was the lack of emotion you'd expect from someone dropped into a dimly lit cave with a dog sized spider. It read more like cooking instructions, rather than actions interwoven with emotion from a frantic human beset by something so unknown and horrifying. I'd be breathing hard, eyes wide, heart pounding, maybe even screaming and crying like a little girl for mommy. There was not backstrory intervowen to show whether he'd be this chill in a dark cave with giant spiders, like a Navy Seal.


Re: Sword Emperor (old)

Has potential, needs proofreading.

The author appears to have a lot of world building to draw from, and has a good sense of where the story should be heading. The first cruicial chapter has a large amount of new and confusing  info dumping going on that doesn't immediately add to the story, but instead detracts from it. The casters' dialogue feels somewhat contrived. Many of the emotions are meladramatic and are often told instead of shown. Some of the word choices to describe scenes or actions are off mark, leaving me wondering what the author meant. 

It's a good draft, but needs polish. The begining needs to be more engaging and less info dumping so as to hook the reader. Maybe start in medias res.


The Minotaur Paladin

It isn't perfect, but it's just a first draft, nobody is expecting perfection. I thought it was a good premise and I like the Minotaur character. 

Don't let these naysayers keep you down - ignore them. 


The Oath of Oblivion

I am super critical, and I didn't feel like pulling out the few hairs I have left on my head when I read this fiction. Props for that. Supposedly it's a translated work, but it doesn't feel like that at all. The story has a nice mysterious vibe to it, drawing the reader in. It's almost written like a fantasy mystery, making you want to continue reading.


After Megiddo

Strong worldbuilding within

The strong point of this fiction is the worldbuilding.

This fiction shows of a lot worldbuilding and a good grasp of science. I liked some of the references to Christian lore. The main character is well writen, showing his motivations and personality, and his dog companion is an adorable touch.

The style is consistent with a good flow from scene to scene. The story has a clear plot, and conflict. The grammar is well above the norm here at RR, I didn't feel jarred out of the story even once.


Liminal Radiance: Path Of Old Dreams

If all works were as well written on RR as this one, I would be a happy reader. It is a polished writting exhibiting great deal of effort and talent.

Story: very interesting story with great world building. Monsters are brilliantly done and feel original to me.

Style: it's a bit slower paced than what I would like it to be. I would have liked more action / events happening as opposed to introspection. It gets bogged down in some spots.

Grammar: missing commas, some sentences are a little awkward. Nothing I'd would worry about too much.

Character: The characters are well fleshed out, if not too much. Is that possible?