markhtar

markhtar

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[First Draft, Moved] Of Astral and Umbral

If I may start with this, this story is underrated (4/5) when I make this review whilst if you do not like a story which keeps you in delicious fog of mistery teasing the readers up by giving up bits of  the truth every then and now then you might have a problem to read this. If anything, the only real 'fault' I can find in Of Astral and Umbral is its written to be a book or so I feel. 

If you feel like giving a shot to OAU(which I invite you to do for more than 2 chapters!) you should be ready for quite a bit of teasing! 

 

Style:

 

Some may be willing reproach you to overuse dialogue, but I feel it's fine (Damn it's great!). The flow of the story is incredibly smooth, I enjoyed every second of my read oscilating between frustration and pleasure! The way you choosed to unravel the plot in mist of the story made me always thirsting for more while inviting me to try and imagine things to fill my hunger for more.

 

Story: 

 

Great? I don't really know how to judge it at this point, I've got this hunch you are only getting started and the best as yet to come! 

Up to chapter 23: The pace is good, clearly indicating it would be the 'travel and meet allies' part of the story. I love it up to now, maybe to much since I can't really put it into word so I'll stop here. Sorry for not being able to point anything... but I can't think anything to point out. 

 

Grammar:

 

English not being my native language I do not want to judge or seem rude but I don't remember finding mistakes big enough to catch my attention during my read, it doesn't mean there is known; but if mistakes you made I'm not one to find them soz! 

 

Characters: I love Ari and Nali, with that said I'll obviously be a bad judge here! 

 

The characters are well defined with their twirk and all, which helps the story a lot! But there is one thing that costed 0.5in this rubric: at the begining of the story, first few chapters,  it appears you forgot some inconsistencies about Arianna memories  (I think it was her) and what she appears to know.

 

To begin with there is just the nightmare whith the elder taking her away... the "only memory" until she mentioned of her time in "a place I forgot the name and I don't want to spoil" from where she was saved by a certain incubus. If it was not done on purpose you might to lightly change her 'thoughts' after her first nightmare and try to hint it differently to avoid confusion. If you did it on purpose... I'm confused damn it! 

 

Overall: 5/5

 

I love it, I would give your story about 4.9/4.8 out of 5, but I cannot, add to this the fact that with so little visible reviews your story has only 4stars (which is well below the reviews average mark I guess some lurkers downvoted you because from the shadows... So let's round it up at 5 as I would have anyway :) 

 

Big thanks to you, I hope you'll keep enjoying writting it so We can be regaled by more of your wonders. 

Big thanks to your editors as well! 


Kalestra's Chosen   (*Finished*)

A worthy read if your don't mind short chapters (up to C11)

This review is more to encourage than to really judge the work of the author since up to date there is only 11 chapters, the plot barely begin to show itself and we have yet to see the story ascend to ward its apex. HOWEVER the base appear to be quite good and promiing for the futur! 

 

Style: The story flow well and informations are brought efficiently without breaking immersion. Unfortunately, the chapters are really short which is frustrating for me whos delighted whith 20K word chapters. Nothing dramatic though, I believe it is just a matter of taste. I didn't count but I guess a chapter should have around 2K word (give or take 0.5K).

 

Story: Excellent starting, I'm actually delighted that so much is left for us to imagine in the beginning while I believe the author plan to unravel its mysteries slowly. 4.5, because the story is just started so its still  bit early to judge ;)

 

Grammar: 5/5 didn't notice anything

 

Character: Honestly I'm not sure wrether there is one MC or severals, what I'm sure off its a need for more screen time for them to develop a bit more f their character. It s still the beginning which can explain the confusion; 4.5 because its a bit early to judge too ;) 

 

Overall 4.5, I believe only style and grammar can be accurately rated at this point (chapter 11), I invite you to try it out if you're intersted! 

 

Keep going author!


Spiritsmith

When Warhawks beats Warhawks

I can't actually find words to say how great I find this story, even though the plot has yet to to reveal itself (last chapters seems to bit btw :D) the flow is actually smooth, the path is slow yet it is not a problem it's going well with the story. We get to have a deeper understanding of most of the characters instead of rushing blindly into action which is great! 

 

It is a read I recommend; even though the author seem to be slightly busy making cakes instead of posting sometimes :D 

 

Style (5/5) : As I said the read is smooth and enjoyable, I actually long for those chapters so maximum it is! 

 

Story: (4/5) : As far as I love this fiction, the story had yet to reveal at least part of its plot after almost 30 chapters (-1), which will hopefully disapear once the story is advanced enough!) 

 

Grammar: (5/5) Maximum, if there is a problem with your grammar it is not up to me judge it anyway (I can't see it if there is :s ) 

 

Characters (5/5):: I have been curious of the gender bender at a time but very soon found it borish in the generic stories. Which is actually pretty well done in this story: Yes the gender bender is there, yes it somehow upset the life of the character but luckily its not the center of the story, more like a wild running gag which may appear in time of need. 

Weirdos appart (wait without the weirdos who's left in this story actually? ) the characters are well defined, have their own characteristic and personals behaviours, well I feel like most of them are well made, so I don't have anything to add. (On second thought; her daddy employees do not count they are not humans :p) 

 

And so it is a global 4.5 because this story is great, have an awesome potential for the future plots and stuff and I don't have anything to complain about this story; 5 being for mind blowing stories but I might change it later on! 

 

Ps: the title is about the author, which happen to be one several dudes in one body holding several stories on RRL, so cake Warhawks (spiritsmith) has done better than cookie warhawks (Inasnia Online, which is coincidentally his top rated story :D). Personal opinion though ;)


The Slime Dungeon Chronicles (prequel)

I think everything is in the title, the story is better than the score indicate and managed to "refreseh" the dungeon stories! 

 

Style& grammar : 4/5 

Basically your first arc need profreed, sometimes a sentence is very confusing due to the wrong choice of wrods or simply lack of knowledge in english. I usually overlook it, but for a least one chapter out of two it happened to hinder my read. Nothing a bit of profreading can't fix tough.

Ps: I added 0.5 to style for the good switch of POV (They are used to advance the story and deepen a character at the same time , which is in my sense the right way to do it!)

 

Story: 5/5

 

Obviously I love it! You got me hooked, you managed to put on a good plot for the first arc, and already give us some glances of the upcoming plots for the next arcs and maybe who knows, even a global plot revealing itself a bit more with each new arcs!.)

 

Characters 5/5: 

 

They re not to cliche, not to awkward, so it's great with me :) (They appear to be human enough to give life to the story) 

 


The Whisper of the Nightingale

It does stinks of wuxia, but I prefer your story to original wuxias: at least the characters are more humans ;) 

 

Aside from me relenting about it being a wuxialike story, I really did enjoy reading it, It might have been better if the bad guyz were a bit less obviously bad, but it's inherent to the style so I guess it's alright! 

 

I would give you a general appreciation of around 4.3, because I really did enjoy reading it, Gogh I almost cried reading it erm.. I mean I had some dust in my eyes when she sang to honor the deads (like this we avoid spoiler I hope :D) Back on track, it's RRL, so to many story are overated and i'm not gonna give a 0 to someone because his stry was not worth his 4.5 stars :D So to even it I'll give you 5 stars! 

 

By the way, I think you need a proofreader/editor for this story, it gets better in the second half of the current chapters (about 45 at the time of the review); but too often in the first 20 chapters there has been confusion with words or typo, sometimes big enough to hinder the read. It would be sad to loose readers for something so easily fixed especially.

 

Congratulation for this story and keep going your doing an awesome job! 


The Beginning After the End

It's worth your time, read it! (the story not the review dummie!)

Hello there, 

 

I won’t go in too much details because I don’t think I’m up to the job to judge this story; the quality is fairly high afterall from my point view :) 

 

If I remember well there was only few mistakes in the chapters I’ve read, more than you would find in a book… But we’re talking of an “amateur fiction” here meaning that some standards must be lowered forthe simple reason that the logistic behind is not the same :)

 

Story wise, I’d say it’s great I wonder how ong the story will last though given the snailling path at which the “main”plot seems to crawl forward. (All the better for me, It means it’ll last longer!). 

 

The characters are overall well done and consistents. Sometimes they would happen to be cliche (thinking of a certain fire adept :3) but then, It doesn’t strike me as an issue since they are usually secondary to tertiary characters whose bacground are not overly developped (since it’s doesn’t harm the story. 

 

I personnally would give you 4.5 stars for your story (-0.5 for asking for donations (kidding) xD) but since to many story are overrated on RRL I shall grant you 5 stars. It would be a shame to have your story being underrated :)


A love so divine!

A pretty good read, five a try

I’ll give you a five, I don’t want to go in a detailled review, so I’ll sum it up :

The story is clearly inspired from a webnovel, but the author managed to make this his own original story pretty well. The characters and their interactions seems pretty good to me.

 

My poor english does not allow me to notice any major blunder with the english tong ! I don’t even remember finding grammar mishaps so it’s seems to be all good to me.

 

Keep feeding our brain with your wonderfull story Stella !

 

PS :The review title wasn't on purpose but I like it xD


Lair

Original and immersing

The style of the story is unique if I dare say. The story is fresh and change of what you may be used to read on RRL. The furhter you dive in the story, the more immersing and addicting it is!

 

A great read, I invite you to try it out ! :)


Reincarnation

Sooooooooooooooo what to say, what to say ?

Sooooooooooooooo what to say, what to say ? 

Style/ Grammar : You can do better than this and you will… Hopefully, readers poitings out mistakes will help you proress. I can’t really dissoiate it from the grammar here since your grammar is basically an hindrance to your writting. Don’t be depressed, it’s not that bad, but it’s still enough for me to notice; Hopefully, here again you shall progress and it will get better! 

Be careful with the POV, I know many people love to get different POV on RRL, but seriously, if you make one make sure it’s actually useful to the story or at least to it’s comprehension. Instead of writting “the group POV” you ould simply put 3rd person POV As you did before, since the grop is actually several persons (Thank you captain obvious….), or stick to one member of the group POV to do this.

(Personally I don’t like the way the POV is changed, you should make it in order to be noticed without having to put a title, but then again it’s seem to be a bad habit on RRL, be careful thought, at some point it may hinder your progression as a writter.)

 

Story : Gave you a 5…. But I’m not really sur of the plot right now… I guess it’s to early in the story to complain,  and since it is interesting it’s fine with me. 

 

Character : Gloablly fine, still to early to really judge this part though (11 chapters at the time)

 

Overall : I enjoyed reading it, it’s refreshing and as long as you are not a grammar nazi you should be able to enjoy ride ? (I’m reviewing the rewritted version, not the previous one!)


Game world or A different world?

It's about time to pay you for this little piece of art

Style : Nothing to complain about, neither outstandanding neither bad. I like the flow and enjoy reading your story! the  daily updates don't seem to be messing with the chapters quality.

 

Story: The plot is good and original.

 

Grammar : I don't remember being bothered by it while reading, so it's pretty decent if I dare say.

 

Character:  Lumina-samma (fan boy incoming) is bloody cute, with her obsession for tea and cake it's a wonder she managd to keep her line!

Lumina-sama and Emilia are the only characters that are really oustanding by their depth in the novel, the others characters are kind of lacking or are too generic.

 

Global : I love your fan fiction, may you keep going until the end of the story !

 

All Hail Lumina!