TheBreakernew

TheBreakernew

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Ribbon — Bleach AU

TL:DR

This is a very entertaining Bleach fanfiction that takes place a few decades after the events of the progenitor story. The main focus is an original character, whom has very interesting characteristics and a mysterious power.

There are serveral recurring old characters, as well as new and all of them are as of yet written very well.

Stars Explanation:

For the overall score i'll usually give stories I like 5 stars due to how ratings are weighted on this site. For the sub-categories, they'll fluctuate based on my opinion on what I've currently read.

Style:

The style of this story is very well thought out. It is plain to me that the author spent a good amount of time thinking about how they wanted this story to flow, and flow it does! There are clear story beats, and they all lend a sense of progression to the story. As well as enticing me to read more and anticipate the next chapter.

Story:

The story has done exactly what it needed to do, It hooked me in the beginning and it countinued to interest me through out the chapters I've read. This story also does something that not all stories on this site can boast about. The vaunted 'show not tell', and when there are explanation they come about in setting's that make sense for them to happen in.

Grammar:

The grammar is very good, with only 2 or 3 mistakes per chapter. Even then they aren't deal breakers, only being a missing word here or there, or misspellings. Overall, very respectable for a Royal Road story.

Character:

The characters are where this story shines. Each and every one is written such that you get a good feel of who they are and what their emotional states are. They certainly aren't flat character's! 

Though there is a somewhat strange romance between the main character and another OC, which comes about rather suddenly. I am almost certain however, that this is a story plot that just hasn't had enough chapters to have been sufficiently explored.

Overall:

Overall, I think this is a very promising story that is well written and thoughtout. 


Wildcards: Book One - The Dread Pirate

There's some things I don't like, but overall it's ok

TL;DR

Overall, the story is worth checking out and I think it looks promising. Though the main character is a bit confusing in his intended personality.

Style:

The style of this book is great, I can tell the author has really put some thought into the background of the world and its interactions. There's nothing here to really give criticisms on except maybe some wonky character behaviour, but well get to that further down.

Grammar:

The grammar's great, with very little or no mistakes per chapter. Nothing but praise from me there.

Story:

Story is a shining point for this book, it really encapsulates an aesthetic and stick with it. That aesthetic being a world in which class discrimination is turned up to 11, with people being stratified into ranks going from E-class on the very bottom to S-class at the very top.

Think of E-class like permanent dept enforced labour, with only E-sports as entertainment and a way up the ranks. While S-class is 'buy a skyscraper in an evening as a show of force' type mega-rich.

Now I gave story a four star rating becasue while the world is very fleshed out and interesting the events surrounding the main character, James, are a little too cartoonishly evil, in terms of putting him down and out for ten years. 

Character:

I gave the character score a 3.5 because James seems to switch to a completely different personality after he is reunited with his Paragon friends, which are highly successful E-sports players of the VR game Abidden.

The reason I think this, is beacuse James has been downtrodden by nearly everyone for a full decade as an E-classer and has been playing illegal and shady VR games to make payments for his illegal physiatrist dept and hosptial bills (the hospital dept is the normal crippling non-illegal kind). 

James is portrayed to be bitter about this to a bartender earlier in the story, and that makes perfect sense. I know if I was in James' postion I would be bitter, pessimistic, and jaded about the state of the world or at least his position in it.

However, after this point James is almost portrayed as child-like, slow, and naive. In almost every interaction he has with another person he is either shocked, dumfounded, bewildered, or a nervous wreck.

Of course, this could just be an extremely long character building process to show how he differs before and after he is successful. At least, I really hope it is. 


Margrave's Divinity (Rewrite)

The old story had a tonne of improvement during the writing cycle, and that has been kept up with this rewrite. Its looking good so far.


Living in a Fantasy Sucks

Old: 6/05/2016

As of chapter 1:

It's good, so you should read it.

Edit: 7/26/2020

Wow, I didn't think I'd see this one again! Well it still reads like a pretty quality work by the end of the thrid chapter, so i've got high hopes.


Beta Test

tl:dr overall:

This is a pretty damn good story. Besides needing some reformatting for the paragraphs to include more white-space and an overuse of comma's, this is a very fun read.

 

Style:

The style very personable and I got sucked into the atmosphere as I was reading. The flow of the story is also very good, and as an adaptation from a short story to a longer format I'd call it a success!

Story:

The plot is interesting and egaging, and it lends itself to the mystery of who the MC is testing the tech for and what kinds of consequences it will have for the future.

Grammar:

The grammar is very good, other than using more comma's than strictly necessary and needing more white-space for paragraphs it's great.

Plus I have to mention the dedication to transferring street speak into a format that I find extremely humours to read.

Character's:

The character's are the real draw for this story, especially the main character and his brother. Their interaction always bring a smile to my face and I'm reminded of interaction's I have with my friends.

You really belive the character's are where their from and have had past experiences outside of this story, which fit their backstories well.


Spilled Blood

I'm a fan of stories that have characters that survive the apocalypse before the system comes, and this story does it well.

The style, grammer, story, and characters are also well done and don't leave me frustrated by "could be's" and "have not's".

This is a good story.   


Soulless

Events seem to be happening in a natural manner, and the main character acts in ways that make sense. The main character almost seems like a mute, but it's explained as a character trait and the perspective of the story is first person. Though a bit more back and forth dialogue would be nice to see.

Overall this seems like a promising Litrpg/isekai.


Broken Sky and Shattered Earth: Apocalypse Convergence

The action is nice and intense, people act like real people, and mysteries and apocalyps' abound. This is a good story.


The Reaper's Legion

APOCALYPSE With a System Attached!

I'm enjoying this story very much! The pacing is fast and goes really well with the flow of the story. The upgrades that come with this type of vending machine system are really fun to read about! 


My Second Life is an Absurdist Power Fantasy?!

I grined and chuckled through the first four chapters, which is a good sign for a satire/comedy story! The grammer and style are also above average which certainly helps things along.