The idea behind the story was unique, in my oppinion, and if you fixed the wrong grammer I would consider this story good. But, I can't keep reading, the wrong grammer and misplaced words have just made it not worth my time to try and figure out.
Keep writing its one of the easiest ways to fix the issue and when the issue is fixed I might come back to read this.
Definently not the worst and not the best I have seen on this website. If you want to use shortened words such as Ytube, Bcoin, or IGN you should explain what those mean before you type them like that. And your grammer if you were to read it outloud to yourself before you post it you might solve a lot of your mistakes. Also, what with all the spacing between texts an easy fix would be to either make the texts flow together or cut back on all the spacing.
Names need to be capitalized
I would love to keep reading. These types of stories are some of my favorite but untill the grammer gets fixed I just can't do it. Theres too may issues that just need to be fixed
The story itself is pretty good and unique. But the gramer, flow, and some interactions between the MC and his other personality seem a little off
Also is there a reason you are showing the characters speaking by using dashes (-character speaking-) and not quation marks ("character speaking")
The original was great and was one of my favorite stories on this website. The reason being was because it was unique from everything else I was reading. But ever since the re-write the story has been like every other litrpg genre. My point is that you wrote a good story first but ruined it after the re-write. Sorry but I wont keep reading this.
Overall this is a solid book that I would recomend others. Only issues are the latin in the book (under text should have it translated) and some misspeld words. Other than that pretty good.
This is a good start to a book I hope you keep going with.