This web novel has some great mechanics like other people have mentioned. It has a lot of protentional. What it lacks, is Story. I am on chapter 9 now and everything up until now has been 97% info dump 3% story. I am 9 chapters in and know nothing about the personality of the character. Extremely little has happed plot wise. There is no hook. Nothing to draw the reader in to the story. Nothing to make the reader care/interested in the character. Nothing to keep me reading.
Ignore the haters, this is a great story !!!!!!!!!!!
It started out awesome and then right down hill. It is a shame when a good story goes down hill
This review may contain minor spoilers, you have been warned.
I made it to chapter 30 before I decided to stop reading. The premise of this story wasn’t bad but not original. I like that you used a science fiction setting instead of a fantasy based setting. However, everything prior to character creation was only adequate. It was neither compelling nor interesting. However, it wasn’t long enough to complain about. I also don’t see how knowing the main character is wheel chair bound or the rest of the back story presented, is important/relevant to the rest of the story. In short, everything before character creation needs some TLC.
The supporting characters are as flat as can be. Apart from their name, gender, race and status—I don’t know anything about them as individuals. There are two exceptions to this rule. I know that the elfish one was a virgin. I also know more about the princess however; even her character isn’t fleshed out that well. These facts, along with their slavery status are all the facts, I as a reader know about the supporting characters. They also lack individual personalities and all sound the same in the dialog. They lack any quarks that make your characters, individually unique or interesting.
The main character (I forget his name) comes across as slightly impersonal/uncaring who is out on a joyride. I really like the premise for the main character’s avatar and think his build has a lot of potential. However, your MC also comes across a flat and kind of numb. This guy is trapped in a wheel chair for the rest of his life and probably can’t even feel is lower ‘member’ even if he can get an erection. He then is sent into a virtual world where he can walk/run/fight and fuck again. Think about how amazing that would be to experience if you were in that situation. Now look at your main characters reaction. I’m paraphrasing here but it went something along the lines of “Oh yeah, I didn’t have any problems walking or moving about in the game” Where is the emotion? Where is the joy of being able to walk again, even if it is only a video game? This is only one example and there are ton of other ones I could have used. Your main character downplaying events like this and completely failing to react to events, that a real live person would have some type of emotinal reaction towards, is what killed my interest in your story. In 30 chapters I have only seen the MC be depicted as being natural, kinda serious and pissed. Real people have far more emotional depth then what I have seen from you characters.