FlerpDooseMish

FlerpDooseMish

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Misadventures of a Rampaging Demon

Review as of chapter 25

This review contains spoilers, so readers BE WARNED!

Let me first say that this is a good story. A VERY good story. I will be mostly covering what I found to be lacking, so here goes nothing.

 

The main problem I have is that this story lacks polish.

The technical parts of the story are very good, there are next to no grammar mistakes, if at all, and the writing style is very professional. But holy shit does it lack direction at times.

The start of the story is very interesting. We're introduced to the main character, Lily, her situation, etc. Very nice beginning that gives us a taste of what's to come (that is, violence and some sexy stuff). We're also given a "power ceiling" of sorts, as we got to know just how strong the strongest Archfiend is, which is also nice.

Lily meets Amelia, kills bandits, etc. So far, the story's amazing! The problems start occuring when they meet the Montagne family.

The entire family's bland as fuck. Seriously. How many lines of dialogue do we get from them? Like 3 in total. We know next to nothing about them, and we also know next to nothing about Danica. Basically all of the side characters are so bland I can barely remember their names, and the only reason I kind of remember some of their names is because there's so few.

Seriously, there's like 6 secondary characters total, and only two (Tanya and Patricia) are developped. The others have next to no screentime.

Another thing that really bothered me was the whole Witchfire fireball ordeal. It was really abrupt and came out of left field. I know killing off characters is one way to move the plot forward, but at least take the time to develop said characters that are to be killed off so the readers will actually care about them. Killing them off like that literally made me go "oh shit everyone's dead now... eh" because we barely got to know said characters.

The whole fireball ordeal felt as though the author was initially going one idea, stopped midway through, threw that idea out of the window and began with something completely new and decided to wrap up the other characters by killing them all.

Before I forget, I'd say the chapter Befield Invasion III is one of my favorite, yet also my most disliked chapter in this series. I had to suspend a ton of disbelief just to go through this chapter. I mean, seriously? A 21/22 year old swordswoman from some shoddy village with no professional training is able to leave NO OPENINGS against the Vampire Matriarch, one of the eldest of her kind, in basically a 1v1? I'd expect the vampire to at least be a challenge, but holy shit. This is on par with (SPOILERS FOR GAME OF THRONES) Arya Stark killing the Night King by shanking him in the stomach. Seriously. This vampire is implied to be on par with an archmage, but this chapter made her seem like a minor boss battle that you fight to grind EXP in games.

Alright, ranting aside, all in all I have to say once again this is a very good story. Basically everything else is extremely well done, but as I said before, this story lacks polish, like an uncut diamond. Worth a lot of money, but will be worth more and will look a lot better if it were cut and polished.


Foreststorm

Nice story with a few major flaws

Review as of chapter 25.

This is a story that I enjoyed overall, especially at the start, but seeing how things are turning out as of chapter 25 I feel like the story is going slowly downhill.

Style:

Not bad, but not all that good either. One problem I have is the fact that you are TELLING instead of SHOWING.

Grammar:

I haven't seen too many obvious mistakes, but there are, as some of the other reviews pointed out, times when you use the wrong words that look similar to the one you're trying to use.

Story:

The story overall is pretty unique and quite nice. The world isn't pulling too many of the overused tropes, and you have added a few unique features as well, especially to the magic system.

Character:

Here's where most of my problems with this story lay: the characters. I'd rate this story a 4.5 out of 5 for the first couple chapters, but after Ves'ra had met up with the humans the characters feel less and less relatable/able for you to put yourselves in their shoes. Characters speaking with each other are just that. Speaking. No descriptions, adverbs, nothing! It ends up feeling like we're watching two badly voiced NPCs interacting in Elder Scrolls Oblivion.

Also, Ves'ra has started to show signs of becoming a big Mary Sue. She's super unique and talented, everyone suddenly respects/love her for being a talented mage even though she is a kobold. 0 discrimination at all. I would have thought that one of the hurdles she'd have to overcome was discrimination, but it seems like no one bears any ill-will towards her whatsoever.

Once again I'd like to say that this series is a pretty good series. I believe the author can easily spice up the dialogue and fix his grammar, but I hope the author doesn't take Ves'ra down the Mary Sue "OP MC that everyone absolutely adores".