I like it. The MC is belivible and other charecters as well (though none have really been around for long). It's early days I guess so I don't want to make solid judgments but I will say I that I like the discussion of morality and the philosophical discussions/quandaries in general so I thought the story deserves props for what it's achieved so far. It's a story about good and evil--the nature of villainy and heroics--there's potential there and even if the execution may eventually fall flat I think props should be given for trying and for doing a pretty bang up job so far. Even if some parts are oddly phrased and confusing, the ambiguity of these sections are also a kind of strength.
That's all I can think to say right now. Good luck author, and readers, give the story a try.
(actually reviewed at 14: I just corrected some typos. Story's still good btw)
All in all I really like this story, which is why I look past the flaws. Th grimmer isn't perfect; awkward framing and mixed up words, but that's just self editing for ya. I like the characters and I actually enjoy multiple POV's in this case though I think it gets a little bogged down by frequent switching and too many selected POV's. because of this some characters come of a bit confusing in there motivations or simplistic.... mainly they just deal off at times? But I love this kind of lost technology story so I'll keep reading so long as it doesn't go off the deep end.... damn I think this sight has given me trust issues.
this won’t be a great review but I though someone needs to talk about the re-write. The premis looks strong and there looks to be more promos than before. There not much yet so I can’t say much but here are some small criticisms.
the grammars decent (so amazing by RR standards) though the style could use some work. There’s quite a bit of exposition and there some head hoping in the narration that can be confusing. The chapters ar pretty short, personally I prefer waiting for longer chapters but I guess this method is good for quick feedback if that’s what the author is aiming for.
I haven’t seen much for or against characters yet so I’m giving it a 3. There’s a lot of room for improvement in this re-write and I look forward to it. It’s just to early to say anything conclusive yet as good characters are built over time (and I’m no expert).
anyway if your looking to read something I say do it, the author clearly cares about writing a good story and I like what I’m seeing, that warrants a look in my book.
i guess some people will enjoy it but to me it reads like the author is trying to stick in cleche after cleche and not well riten ones at that. There’s a lot of passive voice and superfluous distortion that sometimes even undermines some of the good writing that is there.
it could use a good second pass and cherecters based of of people and not charecitures.
its good, you should read it. Cute romance interesting fantasy world and the rare 3rd person omniscient that works.
Im not good at reviews so I’ll end it there
I’ll start with the basics. From what I’ve read so far the story is pretty Average, there some potential but I’m not holding my breath. Cherecters fit quite neatly fit into there archetypes and well, I’ll hold off judging if they act their age. This story scan appeal to some people, but I’ve seen it all before (better) and I’m other that phase. But there is potential and I COULD read further if not not for the f*cking god aural word tense!
I just can’t take it any more,mstick to a single tense; past or even present JUST PICK OUE AND STAY WITH IT! it’s such a fundamental grammar error I have no idea where all the 5 stars are coming from. Maybe you native language is not futures like English but if you don’t get this down it won’t matter. This mistake adds confusion as to the occurrence of events, makes the narrator inconsistent and unless you understand what your doing (which I don’t think you do) having your story written in present will come off as childish. Present tense can be easer used in 1st person narrative to give a closer connection to the narrator and is commen with YA, but the is third person fantasy and “dark” so probably your best bet is to stick to 3rd.
Or or at the very least stick to one tense per sentence?
I can’t read any more unles this is fixed, it’s not hard I’ve been doing it in my head till now.
I'm not an exaggeration when I give this story all 5 stars, it's really that good. The over reviews do a good job of telling you how well the time loop mechanic is used, the brilliant plot and the sidestepping of OP character pitfall so I'm just going to mention my favourite thing about this fiction that I have not seen mentioned.
People have already said that the characterization is good, but that does not quite do the story justice. Zorien grows a lot throughout the story and I'd even go so to say that he grows more in character then inability (which is saying a lot). He starts off a bit of an ass. Relatable? yes (especially for RR readers).
He's anti-social hates his family, has few friends to mention and isn't really all that close to them. His priority is studying and getting away from his family. And he has a brother complex of the inferiority kind. As the story progresses you see him change, his worldview expanded and his relationships depend. He comes to face with his own Biases and really grows as an individual.
The best part is? You actually believe it! Zorian doesn't just change out of nowhere and it all happens gradually; there is no chapter where all of a sudden he's "a new man"
hope this helps :)