kelkel1133

kelkel1133

1
Follows
0
Favorites
8
Reviews
2
Fictions
Reviews
Soul of the Warrior

How did it get so many 5 stars??

First, a disclaimer: I have never read the entirety of the story and had never caught up to the latest chapter due to one simple reason

How the heck the mother came up with the idea of infodumping an entire in-universe's laws on the system on a less than a year old child? It simply beggared disbelief that not only were they accepting the absurdity that a child has the mental capacity to understand all that. They didn't even react so strongly about the fact that a child has so many skills, not even entertaining the thought that the child must've counted wrong, or even understand the entire concept of counting in the first place. To anyone out there who actually had the experience of teaching a toddler, the mental gymnastics one has to do in order correlate a finger to a singular inclusive existence, and to do that over 10 times is simply impossible to a dozen month old child, even with the assistance of stats.

I feel like there could be more, the father's Rare class for example, and the mother's seemingly out of the blue savviness when it comes to the system and the weird segueing in getting random skills, but I haven't read the future chapters so I'm reserving judgement


Materials Scientist in Another World

The prose is fine, the story and plot's already in it's initial stages of development. There are no glaring mistakes save for a couple of misspelled words and a few numbers off on the blue boxes.

As expected of a degree holder on a physics program, the author knows how actual science works, albeit more on the theoretical magical side than the hard math portion. 

There are also a few eyebrow raising moments, such as the thermodynamics between a fish and a human body, of which we really can't prove to be actually possible without detriments for the MC without so much math-crunching, but other than that the story's fine.

All in all a solid read, a 5/5


Odd Patriarch (Xianxia)

I do not know how the fuck someone rated this as 3

Exactly as it says on the title. Grammar and spellings are good, the premise is good, the story if a bit unoriginal and the concept being there for quite a while is slowly being explored. It might be an everyday occurence for a xianxia MC to leave the sect and try to forge his own path, but it's not everyday we see it done in a higher quality like this one. I can only hope the author doesn't get disheartened by the negative reviews, and publish more chapters in the future


Esper:  Search for Power

The concept is novel. The idea is new. The character build is new. The backstory is solid.

What I didn't like is that the skills aren't properly mapped out. In the first place, it's kinda obvious the author greatly favors the perception build. The descriptions kinda gave it away. It feels like the MC has some kind of plot armor that just doesn't make sense.


The Death God's Daily Troubles

A Perfect Example of An Unreliable Narrator

There isn't much but from what I could get from the few chapters, the MC's premise sounds like Experimental Log of the Crazy Lich though more upgraded and less confusing. As for the POVs, the MCs viewpoint is basically unreliable as he portrays objects from his perspective as simple, humurous and oftentimes mundane unlike what the others say so. Basically, this fiction's a lesser, downgraded or less convoluted version of ELCL


A Mere Fate of Mine

The grammar is terrible, flat out.

- Right, my grammar is terrible. I agree with you on this point.

The system seems to be just an excuse to give him power.

- In system novels, most of the systems exist to give people power. The system logs in the first chapter even said that the system is the tool to make people stronger. Moreover, the system in my novel is for everyone, not just mc. Any advantages mc gets, other people will as well.

Nope, the system just don't give free powers. Read The New World or Ghosthound or The Games We Play or whatever LitRPG fiction there is. There is a huge difference between giving free power and giving power for something—be it exterminating a race, personal power from a past life, the system amassing its own power, or dominating the world. At the very least, your character should at least question the purpose of why the system does things and not just put it there like it exists like some sort of god granting free salvation for all by praying.

Any difficulties are almost immediately negated.

- Well, it's not that all difficulties are totally negated. There are the consequences but I haven't shown it yet. Like the personality of Lucien after torture or how Alicia used all her power to cure Lucien in ch 22-23, the consequences are just lying in wait for the right time.

Make it more dramatic. Of course there are consequences but make it that the protagonist worked hard for it like giving it a mini-arc like what TLRG does or introduce plot twists like The New World and TGWP.

The plot is full of cringy stereyotypes.

- Please be more specific or else I don't know how to answer. Which part do you mean?

Be more creative. Make new scenarios and not just assemble a haphazard plot by ripping it off from other cultures like japan cliches, memes, lame jokes, etc.

It swaps between a serious and jokey tone.

- It is intentional as I find the mc who can smile in front of the difficulties is cool. It shows how strong willpower he has.

Make him say a bit of dark humor or have his own time wallowing on his failures and regrets or make him do sarcastic remarks like Hikigaya Hachiman(Oregairu) does. ALso its better to do it between arcs.

He has a hate for people of the abyss and then immediately forgets it.

- He doesn't forget it. You can reread chapter 21 in the last part. He still thought about taking revenge but didn't get the chance to. Only when he came back to Earth that he decided to not think about the people of Abyss. He was already back to Earth. You don't expect him to purposely find a way back to Abyss, do you? Well, it might be a bit of a spoiler but he will go back to Abyss in the future. (very far future...)

Then create a chapter that shows how he really considers his revenge not just a few offhand comments. A fiction is two-dimensional. The readers wouldn't know how the protagonist thinks if you wouldn't elaborate on it. Explaining the situation is different from actually giving it a thought.

The characters are flat and feel ripped from other places.

- Please be more specific or else I don't know how to answer. Which part do you mean?

Think of your friends, do a single character you wrote resembles them? If it doesn't then your characters are flat.

God the archangel is annoying.

- Aww, that's hurt. IMO, she is cute tho.

Cute and annoying are synonymous just like how a cute little ant struggles biting you to death. There are different types of cute; physical appearance, personality, etc. It just means that your version of cute is outdated.

The massage joke is overplayed.

- What do you mean overplayed? There are only ch18 and 20 that have massage scenes. After that, although mc used Euphoria Touch and other massage skills, there is no massage scene or its jokes at all.

A joke can only be said once a lifetime. If it exceeds it then it becomes annoying. More like a filler

The luck path was just a deus ex machina.

- You're right. But let me tell you that everyone who gets summoned to another world will get this Luck Path. It's not specifically made for mc alone.

Change it. Every single LitRPG novel gets rid of that stat early on because of a reason

The archangel instantly negates all problems.
The archangel basically gives him free training.
The archangel makes him stupidly powerful.

- Not all problems. Well, it's free training but what's wrong is that. Even your friend would help you with a math problem for free! Mc isn't stupidly powerful. His power is currently around at 2nd class beings'. There will be the differences between Classes that Mc can't overcome, however, the gap between the first and second class isn't much.

Giving free training brings us back to ripped off plotlines and negating all difficulties. Honestly, power-ups are already claimed by xianxia novels. No respectable non-chinese authors uses them.

MUH SPEAR IS GREAT WEAPON YES.

- I know, right?

It's a sarcastic comment you dolt! It means you just copied TLRG. At least The Genesis System chose a staff and its MC doesn't use it much.

The premise for the leaving of the world is a joke.

- There is a reason I sent mc to Abyss so it's not a joke. Abyss is also not a normal world either.

If it isn't a normal world then write at least a hundred chapters for it! A LitRPG's best suit is how long and taxing reading the whole storyline is and seeing the MC growing powerful every single adversary he triumphed. That's why the best LitRPG fictions here at RRL is TLRG and The New World. There's also The Breath of Creation and ELLC and TGWP where a million words was put into it. 

Why did his parents accept his return instantly?

- Well, ch24 takes place in like a month after mc returned to Earth. He and his parents have time to accept each other. Also, I don't think anyone would want me to write more about how his parents accept him as it would be seriously boring.

Write a chapter featuring his parent's POV, that'll solve the problem.

Why did you randomly decide to do that stupid japan hs thing?

- If you read ch41, you will know why. The characters in JP hs arc will also play a big role in the future. Moreover, I want to make fun of JP hs cliches too.

That's seriously wrong. No one creates JP cliches except JPs. There's a reason why isekai genre and all other JP tropes are boring to a large portion of audience. I personally think you're the strange one still liking them.

Why did you decide to do the overplayed macho man japan hs thing?

- I don't quite understand what's your 'macho man' part thing means...

Me too so I wont comment on this.

the japan hs thing is a stupid idea.

- Then which country do you think it's a good idea for mc to attend the high school? US high school? Well, I've been an exchange student to study in US hs for a year before so I know how it's like. However, I don't think it's interesting.

Read Worm or Greg Veder vs The World.

He shouldnt be able to kill people this powerful.
Why can a random ass kid with a knife oneshot high level people?

- I already wrote in the chapter that the high-level people are still a human. When they get stabbed into the neck by a sharp weapon, they will still die. Moreover, the people mc killed weren't tanker-related class either. Their endurance stat isn't that high. Also, every time mc killed someone, he always made use of the surprise element. He never fought head-on.

Change it. Make more twists. Introduce a variable the MC doesn't think of. I.e. The enemies are the good guys of some sort like madara or the enemy is a psycho like joker or an ancient evil or a horse or a god that was imprisoned to his past life or his father's secretly an exile from the system.

Why can a random kid be completely invisible to everyone?

- You referred to the high school arc, right? Well, it's because of his Mythical rank skill. He's also not only invisible to normal people but Gods as well.

EER much? At least, EER gave a reason and put 10 chapter's worth of prologue before giving the readers a hint of something going wrong and building up to 200 chapters of exposition until he gave the bomb at the end.

The path system is half a joke and half serious (see massage, luck, and the true acting)

- Everything can be put in the 'path' no matter if it's a joke or serious, or even sounds stupid.

A little trivia; TLRG is good because of his vocabulary and unique, unpredictable paths.

The True Acting thing was stupid.
Really stupid.

- How!??

Just the name alone makes it stupid.

He goes from willful driven man to whimpering child in seconds
He goes from whimpering child to impossibly driven man in a matter of seconds.

- Human's emotions are complex, dude. People can become sad and happy all of a sudden. Also, I already explained the reason for mc's change of emotion in the novel. Did you read or skim?

Read Greg Veder vs The World and you'll see how complex emotions are.

A normal kid somehow kills someone based off of looks alone and feels almost nothing.

- Okay, you didn't read or skim but 'skip'. Half of chapter 4 had already described mc's reaction to killing a person. And he didn't kill people based on looks, he was sharp enough to notice that the guy was up to no good. He knew the concept of 'There is no free meal in the world.'

Emphasis on the "normal". The question is, how did he even knew the concept of 'there is no free meal in the world'? Is he poor? Bullied? Forced into child labor while he was a kid to earn money in order to pay his parent's debt after they ran away and never getting a single present from santa?(hayate the combat butler)

He is smart when the plot needs it, but at other times intensely stupid.

- Example, please... If you referred you when mc got caught in ch13, I can say that he didn't get caught because he was stupid. He was always careful of his surrounding. However, his Eyes of the Truth skill level and his perception are still too low to guard for the people who were trained in tracking and stealth.

The fiction does not revolve around the MC. Create more characters that do things in the dark or anything that moves when the MC's not around. And at least make him lose at least once and let him win the war for a bit of concession.

The grammar makes many things alot worse.

- I'm sorry...

My verdict's the same as him but I won't chastise you for it. TLRG, TGWP, The New World, Greg Veder vs The World, ELLC, The Breath of Creation and all other popular LitRPG authors are all veterans at their job which makes them better and more experienced than most. Of course, if those novels are 5 then yours are at .5 or 1. But in general, you'll be sitting around 3 a bit higher than isekai novels, korean dungeons and xianxia novels at 2. So don't be surprised about getting .5 or 1 because there's a grain of truth in that. If you truly think about it, ratings are just 1 and 0, hit and miss. The more hit you got the better the story is and the more miss you have then the more mistakes you made writing it.

PS. Sorry for the bad english, I'm a non-native and my english is self-taught.


Worlds' Gatekeeper

And because of the title - 5 stars

I liked this better than WGO
Easy Mode, No Plotholes (because the plotholes are the jokes), bigger plot, and too ridiculous


Monsters Engineering

Only 2 chapters
the synopsis drew me over
I haven't really started reading