As the title says it is not the best but there has been definite improvement as you continue writing, such as better descriptions, that make the story more immersive and over all improve it. For example ther first chapter looks sort of like script for a play, which is not the most entertaining to read.
When I reached the end of the current chapters, I said “ehh” and immediately checked to see if that was all you had indeed written. A few things his friends that he talked with about the economics thing seemed to have appeared and disappeared, in a flash only leaving him with the idea of getting the data from the rivals mom, and they seemed a bit too intelligent and well-read than what I would expect from high school students, second he seems to be flaunting his improvement a bit too much, a kid getting flashed by a wormhole to another universe and turning into a genius? Intelligent people would want to know why and other people would think an alien possessed him, a bit of improvement would be fine but too much too fast and he would come under scrutiny, he will need an excuse soon and the sooner he prepares it the better, we have seen an example of this with the principle.
If you read the previous version, weather you liked it or not, I suggest you read this it is much improved from before with more realistic(and insane/crazy/mentally traumatized characters), better flowing story, and so many secrets that really should not have been keep secret, but had been due to the personality of the characters and their interactions.
All in all a great Sci-Fi story that stands out from the rest of the stories on the site and one I will defiantly buy to support the author.
I love this story the characters are believable, great writing, great side stories, good magic system, the world building is amazing, I love this story please don't stop.
AS the title says this is an OP power fantasy that has the start of a harem, the MC is ridiculously overpowered, and is going through different world at a ridiculous rate, the worlds appear to have the possibility of some good world building but they are gone in a few chapters, adding in loose end which do not appear as if they will be tied up, and the girls have barley any personality, The MC has an odd personality for someone so old but he admits that himself which makes it a bit different from others of the same style. All in all and power fantasy ,which will have to end soon or it will have nowhere else to go, but a decent one at least.
A nice start to the story, I like the Idea of the non-typical perspective, it reminds me of some of the side chapters from Kumo Chan's story. I also like how both of the characters are totally dense, but it plays to the trope and the backstory of the MC, Tsunderes are the best!
This reminds me of Kumo Desu ga, Nani ka, sort of, the MC's are sort of similar in personality, but your is more human. Anyway I have not read it all yet but it is amazing and I hope you continue writing.
Dark storm, the author states in the prologue that s/he is mimulus.
For the story there are some confusing parts where I get lost but that can be attributed to the writing style and the narrator’s “Alice’s” personality.
For the story as most of it is in first person there are are a few points where I think that it could have been done better to help with that perspective but it is interesting and has some nice mysterious vibes that automatically make it better than the stories that tell the reader everything before the main character.
I have not noticed any grammar problems just some parts could be ordered better.
Alice is cute. I think that is enough
I have been reading this since the the first chapter appeared and after I finished that I bookmarked this page so on with the review.
Style: The writing of this story is unique and funny, especially the way Mc’s thoughts and the narration are mixed.
Story: Since there is very little story right now I did not give it a full score but I have high hopes for it, especially since this does not seem to be a supper fast paced FF where MC become supper powerful immediately as the story started part way into his career where the story can go anywhere with out it being forced.
Grammar I have no memory of any grammar mistakes anywhere in the chapters, which is only a good thing!
Character: Same as story there is not much to go on as there is only one character so far but there are hints of interesting ones in his past which I hope we will get to see, As for the MC, I LOVE CHAOTIC CHARACTERS!
Edit: There are more characters now, and all of them are seen through the distorting and very accurate lens of insanity which does not make them anything like the cookie cut characters in other stories.
PS. It is my sincere belief that both fire balls and lava orbs are for pussies and a true pyromaniac should use plasma … balls? orbs? spheres? That kill most living things around them before they are even fired at the fool who pissed of the plasma wielding pyromaniac.
The grammar could use some work though but there is nothing that makes it hard to read.