Okay so let me preface this by saying that I NEVER read fanfictions. The concept of reading a story about someone's "OC" in an already established universe just seems to scream cringe on so many levels as to be kryptonite to me. I can honestly say I have absolutely no idea what made me even go beyond the story's front page. What I can say however, is I am very happy that I did.
So to start with we have our main character, Lee Henson. A normal Zookeeper who takes care of carnivorous cats. He is a bit of a fan with pokemon and I'll just leave it there. No need to go into details. Lee has some past trauma issues as well as recent ones that are explored pretty well in the story. No thouroughly, I mean well. As in Lee is behaving in a way he should with his circumstances. It adds to his character and just makes me want to cheer him on as he slowly pulls himself together as the story progresses. His pokemon companions are there to bring him from the brink of insanity. Meanwhile he's trying his best to keep the secrets of his origins from his traveling companions. The whole balance of conversations is fun. The battles are actually entertaining, and everyone just seems so much like normal people. Since this is an established universe with preexisting characters the author does their best to keep all established characters in line with their already existing personalities while still keeping it sensible, which I imagine is probably pretty hard to do on paper. Imagine the kind of conversation you would have with Ash Ketchum if you met him in the pokemon world. He's got a somewhat zanny personality when he isn't being serious, yet the author still manages to pull things together nicely. That's why I gave character score full marks. Keeping the exagerated personalities of anime and videogame characters dialed back but still THEM is very challenging.
I have no idea where this story is going but I honestly don't care because I'm having to much fun getting there. Lee Henson faces troubles with hesitance, but he still faces them. This story makes me want to go back and watch the pokemon shows. I kinda stopped watching them after a while and I'm sure the show has progressed to match the games in some way.
The only real place I can find that needs improvement is the author's grammar. In most cases it's actually pretty stellar. There is mistyped words here and there though. One example I can remember during my one day binge of this story is when (and I'm being vague for new readers but the author should know) the Marshtomp first shows up and maybe for up to a chapter or 2 later the author typed Marshtop instead a couple times. The only other consistant grammar issue that technically isn't really an error is the author's love of the word "sans". It is a preposition that means without. However in most cases when it's used it just... sticks out like a sore thumb. Every time I saw it, it made me double back and read over the sentence in my head more slowly to parse out what exactly the meaning was the author was trying to use it for. I ended up mentally substituting the word for a synonym in my head every time I stumbled into it just to make the sentence flow right in my head (I got a bit of OCD).
So to wrap everything up in a nice TLDR... This story is damn good. Don't look at this fanfiction tag and go *blech*. For once the fanfiction tag is actually a plus. I don't think this is a story that could pull off being this good if the author made up his own pokemon universe. Read the prologue and judge it's contents under it's own merits, not your assumptions.
Honestly I'll come right out the gate and say it. This story is really f*cking impressive. It's like the author took an RPG and said "screw your fantasy bullsh*t! Let's slap some insane cyberpunk chaos on this b*tch!"
The world is being fleshed out in bits and pieces at a time, the characters you are getting regular interactions with at this point are really cool with hints of backstory that could prove interesting, and best of all is the way this story all comes together just suits it so well.
Style and story, both are fantastic despite the fact that I only have access to 12 delicious chapters of awesomeness. GIVE ME MORE AUTHOR! *cracks whip*
With grammar it's mostly perfect. There is a couple instances of a repeated word or a typo, but those are few and far between. Honestly docking just a half star felt like it would be too harsh. Especially comparing it to the golden turds one finds littering this site.
Character is the only place I think might need a little improvement and that's only for the main character. Keep in mind that this is only 12 chapters in and the author seems to be going for the long haul. There could easily be more plans to flesh Damien out as the story progresses. Anyways my only gripe is that the main character shows up with no memory. Normally that alone would be perfectly fine, but then you tack on the fact that he comes to the conclusion that he is *insert Spoiler of where he is* there isn't any doubt when he gets his first clue. He just comes to the realization and he's like "oh yeah that's definitely it. No way I'm wrong about this" despite the fact he doesn't know anything about himself from the time of waking up other then his own name. Now, as I said, this is early in the story. For all I know Damien is wrong about his opinion and will eventually get the almighty slap of God to knock some sense into him. Maybe there is another plot point that will make you get that 'aah-HAH!' moment. For right now though it seems weird that a guy with no memories is so sure about his current situation after seeing the 'clue'
Other then that SUPER DUPER MINOR issue, this story is absolutely worth the read. Go read it... READ IT NOW!!!
I'll keep it short. When I first saw this story a while ago I read the summary and just felt meh about it. I thought "I don't want to read about some guy who is just going to die over and over again." Needless to say, I eventually found the story again and decided to take the plunge this time. Boy do I regret not doing so sooner. I don't know what made me think this was going to be filled with repeated death, it's one life with a backstory of a bunch of deaths, and yes it's entertaining as hell.
The only quirk is the main character's speech pattern has her referring to herself in third person because of a language barrier and how her tribe are with social circles. It gets somewhat confusing to keep in mind that the main character is talking about herself and not someone else. At the same time though, it's probably one of the more creative reasons for odd speech patterns in the stories I've read and i have started to find it really endearing now.
As for the rest of the story. Yes it's good. Everything is where it should be and while there is a VERY distant goal of vengeance, it isn't constantly hanging over your head as a non-stop reminder of the main character's reason for existence. So far the MC is behaving naturally according to her culture and beliefs. This also applies to all the other characters that make an appearance in this story.
Definitely worth the read, and I can't wait for more.
Things seemed to start off slow at first but the quality of the writing is immediately apparent. Detail and description are given in the right places and to the right extent. While initially they have of the story seems like it should have been faster, it actually suits it perfectly with the build up and tension of events as the story progresses. It really kept me on my toes as I couldn't stop reading until I caught up to what is currently the end of book 1 and I'm still hungry for more.
This story is definitely Favorite material in my book. I've found no issue with it. I highly recommend everyone pick this story up.
Surprisingly, this story is actually pretty good quality. I'm finding very few issues with it, although it can get a little weird at times.
I think if I were to point out one of it's larger flaws, if you could call it that, I would say this story might be a bit niche. For some people, there might be a little bit of discomfort with the inspiration it is VERY LOOSELY based on. I would suggest you ignore that and keep going. Once you actually notice the story for what it is, you might be able to enjoy it.
On a side note. There has been a review posted before me that is just utter bullshit. It provides no context on what they disapprove of in the story and merely posts a mediocre rating with a derogatory statement that honestly makes me disgusted with the review.
Not gonna say much because it's annoying, but everything about it is great. It has the right balance of comedy, plot development, and tension. Characters are well thought out. The way the character progresses is interesting enough to keep things fresh. I could go on, but honestly, I think you would be better off reading it yourself then this review.
The only thing that could do with improvement is the occasional missing word or oddly structured sentence.
Rather then go on for paragraphs and paragraphs about how good this story is I'll go in the opposite direction. The grammar is decent but I occasionally run into misplaced or missing words that can sometimes confuse me for a second.
No really. That's the only negative thing I can find in this story. Everything is fantastic except for that one niggling detail. If you are looking for a super hero story, then you MUST read this. Hell, even if you AREN'T looking for a super hero story, you should still read this!
I picked up this story from recent posts on a whim! Don't let a whim stop you from reading this! Read it! Now!
Oh, and a note to Mr. Author since I'm sure you'll read this... PLEASE POST MORE CHAPTERS! I NEED TO KNOW WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT!!!
There is very little I can find wrong with this story. To the point that if I were being really nitpicky I might find slight grammar mistakes. Honestly though it's something that I easily missed and only noticed if I looked for it.
The author places a lot of thought in how everything fits together. I especially like his take on necromancers and the amount of variety in development he came up with. To avoid ruining the whole thing I'll just mention briefly that the story determines that a necromancers real job is to put the dead to rest and that most cases involving actually raising the dead tend to be against the rules of necromancy. That isn't too say bringing the dead to life is ALWAYS evil, just that there are rituals and circumstances that must be observed before the act is allowed.
This is just ONE small facet of the detail involved in the story. If you pay attention you can spot many things that normally never even get mentioned in a majority of stories on this website.
If I were to say one thing that might not be as enjoyable as everything else in the story, it would be that the prologue is an infodump to give the history of the world and catch readers up to current events. Chapter one is an infodump as well, but it is more appropriately written. It gives you the information but did a better job at feeling like the story then the prologue does.
So far the main character is just meeting his future companions and they are just getting to know each other, so I can't say much on character development yet. However, even the small taste I have had in the first 10 or 11 entries of this story are teasing at a lot of possible backstory.
There seems to be a lot of potential for adventures and trouble in equal measures for them as well. Racism... er classism? Well, people hating other people for stupid reasons, monsters hating people for selfish reasons, and generally not enough love is going around for the world our friends are in for things to be happy--go-lucky for anyone, and I'm excited to see what the author has planned for our main characters in order to solve this problem!
I definitely recommend reading this.
This was confusing and frustrating to read on so many levels. Who in their right mind just ignores a wild creature as it viciously rips chunks of flesh out of their shoulder as if they are just thinking about a tricky trivia question? Why would they callously ignore a life threatening situation when their entire life is that of a couch potato?
Why does some random girl come out of nowhere to throw snowballs at some "scary" half man half lizard thing just because he had been fighting a man eating fox. Why does she yell the most absurd statement right in his ear right after said lizard person brutally killed said man eating fox as if she was long time friends and then start to cry when lizard boy gets scared instead of instantly falling in love with her?
There are so many things in this story that don't make sense and I'm guaranteed to find even more if I had read beyond the middle of chapter 2 but my brain can only handle a limited amount of insanity.
If you enjoy a laid back writing style that doesn't take reality seriously then you can certainly give this story a shot. The concept is interesting enough, but it just seems like the author stirred a pot of plot ideas before grabbing the entire pot and throwing it at the ceiling to see what sticks.
I told myself to wait a few chapters before I posted a review, but honestly this story was so good I could not wait to share. As of now, only 6 chapters are out. Holy hand grenades, though, those 6 chapters are one helluva ride! If I were to explain what this story was in just a few words, I would say Steampunk Wild West. With some fantasy.
I guess I'll start with the shortest and easiest part, the grammar. I'll just say that I'm no English teacher, but whatever mistakes are in the story are minor enough that your eyes will just glide over them in most cases. I personally did not find anything to ruin the flow of story. Odds are, neither will you.
Now let's get the the interesting bits!
Style: even though the story technically takes place in a game, you might as well forget the real world exists. The story takes place from the first person point of view of the main character. The author takes every opportunity to breath life into the rugged wild West atmosphere. He gives just enough information for you to picture the the world but not too much as to bog the reader down with boredom. He teases you into using your imagination to fill in the gaps to the point where you feel like you could almost step into the world he has created. All without breaking character.
Story: by now you realize that this is a wild West style world, but that's only the very bare bones of what it is. Steampunk technology is common place and you can be sure to expect all sorts of interesting gadgets in the future. Fantasy elements have been blended in as well. Superstitions have been made reality and while the story has not proceeded enough for me to know how far this goes, I can assure you the author has not slacked in this end either. The overall feel of the story is very gritty. Imagine stepping into a saloon filled to the brim with thieves and outlaws. The tenseness of the atmosphere, the feeling like you have to watch every muscle twitch, as if the slightest jerk would cause the entire place to go down in a storm of gunfire. The author carefully weaves these emotions throughout the story to constantly keep you on edge, constantly wondering if trouble might come knocking, or if it has already kicked down your door.
Character: Delphi, as the star of this rodeo, is paranoid as fuck. She is constantly on guard and is always careful to plan her actions to make sure she is in the best position to come out of scuffles in one piece. From not placing her hand near her pistol to avoid starting a shootout to plotting a path to walk through a crowd to place the most dangerous people on her left side so she could easily draw he gun without interference. That doesn't mean she won't make mistakes. Just that, if she does make a mistake, it is very unlikely that she would make the same mistake twice. All that I got from six chapters. And I haven't even mentioned how the author gives the right amount of details about other characters through Delphi's interactions and thoughts.
All in all, if you are looking for a serious Steampunk Wild West story likely to be packed with action, this is a must read. Honestly, even if you weren't looking for that specifically, I strongly suggest you give this a shot anyways. I sure as hell am glad I did.