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patlıcan

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Shipshape (Now writing book 2)

* Contains mild spoilers

 

The story has a really cool concept for a magical system with vim (basically another name for mana) and shapes (could be taught as summons). I love the setup with shapes, leveling and vim management. The story started out good too.

Unfortunately, other than the magic system, the story is just not very entertaining to me. The story and the characters are disappointing. My interest has been slowly waning, and with this latest plotline about abduction and warped, I think I've given up on this.


My Perfect Lady

I just can't take this protagonist seriously.


Painting the Mists

Better than most xianxia stories

 

In conclusion: The story has its problems, especially when it comes to characters, but I still think it's worth giving it a try. It is definitely better than a good portion of wuxia/xianxia stories. And from what I've seen from him so far, author is genuinely trying to improve, so good luck and keep it up.

 

It's a bit more realistic take on xianxia stories. Some of the arguably annoying cliches of the genre are moderated, like people valuing 'face' more than life. It's refreshing to see such a story.

There is a weird seperate story-line going on with afterworld, mostly from the viewpoint of "King Yama", the apparent ruler of the underworld. I honestly am not a fan of this side story so far. I like neither the worldbuilding nor the characters of the underworld. It seems cartoonish and childish and comedic, but it obviously is important to the main story from what we've seen, and it's style doesn't fit the story in general.

The characters, as you can see from the scores, are my least favorite part of the story. Especially when it comes to female characters it'd honestly be better off if they were written off. The author is trying to redeem them but the best I can say about that effort at this point is that at least he is trying.

Point of view changes are poorly executed, and they suffer even more because characterizations of the side characters those chapters focus on are really not good. A lot of the time, pov changes are abrupt and distruptive to the flow of the story. A good way to judge different point of views for me, if a story has them often, is to isolate different povs and judge them seperately. Because in my opinion, if you are going to spend a significant amount of time on telling the story from a certain character's point of view, it should be worth reading; otherwise you're better off spending that time on other characters where the pov is actually enjoyable for the reader instead of just being something to tolerate because they enjoy the story at large. When you look at the different povs in the story; Cha Ming, Wang Jun, Gong Lan, Hong Xin, King Yama and Pet/Child/Compainon; Cha Ming and Gong Lan's are for me the only decent ones. I honestly stopped even reading Wang Jun's and Hong Xin's stories at this point.

Edit: moved the conclusion to the start for prospective readers that want to avoid the wall of text review. 


Metaworld Chronicles

This story would've been much better if she was a teenager instead of a grown woman in a teenager's body. She already acts, talks and thinks like a teenager. She is actually a decent character when you think of her as the portrayal of a troubled teenager. Not so much when you try to think of her as a strong, grown woman. The reincarnation/soul-travel bit does nothing but detract from the story.


Shovels In Spades

The premise is good and the story is fun, but all of the characters feel half-assed and they don't feel like real people. Grammar is pretty good with few errors.

If you like litrpg, you're likely to enjoy this, just don't go into it expecting too much.


Mythical Conquest

Reader beware; you're likely to cut yourself on that edge.


Apex Predator

Not What It's Advertised To Be

Story turned out to be slice of life, teenage drama. I expected very different things from this. I expected a science fiction action / thriller, that's what it was advertised as.

I don't think the lead character could be worse. He is a boring idiot. The supposed apex predator millions of years old, judging by all its actions is nothing but a teenager with below average intelligence. If I am going to read about a clueless idiot with extraordinary powers, I would at least want to see them in funny situations caused by their lack of intelligence and abundance of power. Reading about an incompetent character who makes no use of their power is utterly boring.

I was honestly excited about the synopsis of the story: "millions of years old predator becomes human to prevent global extinction" but the story disappointed me. I couldn't even stick to it to get to where they start traveling to other worlds.


World Keeper

Great concept for those who like world building stories

Good concept. Has much more potential than all those dungeon building stories as a world building story in my opinion. It is worth to give this fiction a try.

 

Writing style is not bad. The author manages to avoid some common style errors. It gets a passing score. But while it is technically not bad, it is also quite bland. The writing could really use some embellishment. Some pretty adverbs in descriptions and all that...

 

Story is off to a decent start. As I stated above, the general concept has great potential for a world building story. A common weak point of such stories is that they get repetitive and boring rather shortly, but the author is already setting up a system to potentially avoid this by getting the main character out of god/creation-mode and into the personal adventure mode.

 

At this point, I will go back to the style. So far, when it comes to the execution, it seems that the author is going with a mechanical approach to the story telling, especially to the world building. While number crunching about how to manage a world is fun, this needs to be supported by pleasing storytelling in a literary sense. Otherwise the story becomes too monotone. For example the author just completely glosses over the initial creation of the world, while a very striking and pleasing couple of paragraphs could be written about "the process of turning a grey nothingness into a vast planet filled with lush colors". Missed opportunities like this for potentially epic moments in the story saddens and disappoints me.

 

Grammar is as good as it can be expected from a web novel. There are some mistakes that I came across so a proofread could improve it further. But they were few and not very detrimental to my reading experience.

 

The characters are where the story really loses its points. Good thing is, it is still early so this could still be remedied. But so far, I've read 9 chapters (counting prologue) of this story, and I have yet to meet any real characters in it. Terra is the generic anime cat girl stereotype, without any distinguishing characteristic. The protagonist is the same, as far as characteristics goes, he might as well be "side-dude #148" in "generic web novel #72". They haven't displayed any emotion, character quirks, anything that sets them apart as a character really.

What is more worrying is that, character development is also pretty much nonexistent. If there was nice character development implemented into the story starting with the next chapter, the character problem would probably mostly be solved by chapter 20. But so far, things do not look so good on this front. I have just read chapter 8 and I know exactly as much about Terra as I knew at chapter 1.

But I am going to restate this, although this is a problem at the moment, there is still time to fix this problem.

 

This fiction has great potential, but to live up to that potential some improvements are needed. Specifically the bland writing and nonexistent character development needs to be improved. As a sucker for world building stories, I will definitely be following this one. I recommend that people give this one a shot and I definitely recommend it for people who like analytical world building. 

 

* Review is written as of chapter 8.

* Hoping the fiction improves, forcing me to improve this review and the score along with it.


Divine Bladesmith

This is a fun story. I've enjoyed reading it, and I would recommend it. Moving on to the stick...

This is a fun story. I've enjoyed reading it, and I would recommend it. That out of the way for potential readers, I will focus on the shortcomings of it in this review to try in my way to help the author to potentially improve in the future chapters/stories.

 

The style needs polishing. The style is too simplistic, which is something seen often in authors writing in a non-native language. It is mostly written more like a children's story than a fiction novel targeted at teenager/adult audiences. Horius has pointed out some good points about this, and I plan to add to this instead of repeat what was already pointed out.

A very bad, and unfortunately common in web novels, style is the use of asterisks to show actions and emotions. "*shivers*" is just not as tasteful as a simple "She shivered, feeling the chilling wind creep through her dress." for the reader. There are appropriate works for uses of asterisks to show actions (comics come to mind) but they are just a terrible for novels.

The story could also use some pretty adjectives. While too much of it —like too much of anything really— become detrimental, using some big words every now and then breaks the monotone of storytelling. When used correctly, they could help greatly with emphasizing.

To summarize; improving the dialogues, avoiding uses of stylistic pitfalls like use of asterisks and a bit of embellishment would improve the style dramatically.

 

The story is something we are used to, nothing ground breaking, and nothing wrong with that really. It is generally nicely structured and flow nicely. That being said, there a few important damaging points in my opinion.

At points, story moves too jaggedly. Jumping from place to place, event to event before we could even start to get invested in place/event. The events after Kai joined to school comes to mind as an obvious example. Kai joining the school as a teacher, the heroes becoming her students, her disappearing into the labyrinth and fight with the lich Toledo, her teleportation into the island and training under high mana density, the breaking of the World Seal are all major plot points. We just moved through them, unable digest any of these events, unable to get invested into any of these important plot points, jaggedly moving from one to another.

Time frames are too short. Here you have a story where, for most of the characters and the world in general, a couple centuries is not much. But we moved in lightning speed from one event to another, and in six months we literally had the world breaking down. It would've been much more logical if these events had been spread over years or decades instead of weeks. What is the rush?

Is there no teacher in this school, which is suppose to be the best in the three continents, beside the ones that was just hired alongside Kai? We never see any of them. Even the heroes are being thought by one of the the new teachers, one of the more incompetent ones too. There are some little things like this that draw my attention while reading. They are not very important and I mostly forget about them afterwards, but they are detrimental to my reading experience for the short while the story is focused on them. 

 

Grammar is good. Though, there are a couple of reoccurring faulty words. RivertheRoyal, you should definitely learn the words "very" and "definitely". You always use the wrong words instead of these.

 

I like the characters. They are a bit too stereotypical but that is kind of expected in this kind of story. Well fleshed out characters are more of a pleasant surprise than the norm in this kind of stories unfortunately. Still, giving more character to at least some of them would be a great improvement in my opinion. Sarah and Jasper (not sure about names, commanding hero and brother demon lord) are two good characters to grow for this purpose in my opinion.


Archon

Starting point of the story is good, but goes downhill from there.

Another failure to create a smart character. As is the norm on web novels, when the author tries to create a very smart main character, they fail miserably. The character is supposed to be smart but most of his actions show the opposite in a lot of occasions. Instead of making the main character smart, they just make everyone around stupid in order to make the main character seem smart and get away with things he should not have. I will just give one example of this: character saves a couple of girls from a pedophile and continues to torture and murder the man who is a US senator iirc. The girls just walk out of the hotel and supposedly go to their home with the taxi money he gave them. How did the girls get there? Did a senator just walk into a hotel with two 13 year-old girls and went on to rape them in a room? Did they come by themselves? Why? How did the senators get a hold of them? Were they kidnapped? Where are their kidnappers then, did they just left them? What was the senator going to do with them afterwards? There are a lot more plot holes in just this one situation then I’d care to count here. And there are quite a few similar situations. This supposed “super evil one percent evil organization of child kidnappers” appear to be running the dumbest crime syndicate to ever exist and get away with it. No wonder this average smart main character would look smart in this fictional world.

 

Story is unnecessarily and untastefully dark. I like dark stories, but there must be some meaning to make it so dark. The dark side of this story just comes off as cheesy.

 

The main plot of the story and its starting point is pretty cool. <Inventing the first real A.I. and going for world domination to make the world “better” > is a good starting base and a cool idea for a dark story that points out modern society’s rotten insides. The execution just goes downhill from there on for the story unfortunately.

 

Grammar is good for a web novel. Definitely much better than average of the site. Good job on that.