Oinos

Oinos

77
Follows
0
Favorites
5
Reviews
6
Fictions
Reviews
Azarinth Healer

Review as of chapter 22.

First of all let me say this: the novel is fun, and it doesn't surprise me that it got so many positive reviews from RRL readers. If you want a fun LitRPG with a good power trip with a female protagonist who is a bit of a battle junkie, throw yourself at this fiction, you will not be disappointed. Hell, it even has a training montage or two.

Now, for a more in-depht analysis.

Style

The style is the main issue with this fiction. The story is told from a third person limited point of view, which is a good choice by itself but starts with a present tense narration, which should be better left in scripts or videogames and not used in a fiction.

The narration at one point shifts from present tense to past tense, making the reader think the author decided to change their style. This is apparently not the case as we soon see the present tense narration resurfacing again.

At first I thought this mishmash of tenses was deliberate and used to slow down the narration during moments with little to no tension and to give a fast pace to action scenes, but this doesn't seem to be the case and the author only appears unable to choose a tense and stick with it.

Other issues with the style of the fictions are its paragraphs, which sometimes seem to be divided in a completely random way, often even having dialogue from two different characters in the same paragraph, and its POV shifts from a character to another, which, while done relatively well, tend to happen in the middle of action, breaking the flow of narration.

Another smaller thing I’d like to note is that the notifications of the system are shown as thoughts, sometimes inside a paragraph, which some people who are used to tables and announcements in bold might not like.

The pace of the story is really fast, even a bit too fast at times, but it is not really an issue.

Story

There isn’t really a lot saying regarding the story, as many fictions on this site and many Japanese webnovels, the story practically consists of random events thrown one after the other at our protagonist and we’re only seeing glimpses of something that could be called a story with the introduction of a possible antagonist many chapters into the story.

Some people like this kind of novels, some don’t, but they tend to be really appreciated on RRL and I personally like them too. Still, in the absence of an actual, apparent, plot, I can’t give more than 3 stars to this section despite the fact that I personally like it.

Grammar

The grammar is average for RRL or a bit above. There are good sections of the story that seem completely free of mistakes and others that are a purpurrì of glaring mistakes.

The most common mistakes are the absence of punctuation or its wrong use, the occasional shift in tense in the middle of a sentence, the switching of possessive pronouns with pronouns+verbs (its/it’s for example), this later case is actually less common than many other novels though so, if that’s what triggers you, you can read somewhat safely.

Another mistake I noticed a couple of times was the mix-up of singulars and plurals, but this happened, as I said, only a couple of times.

Characters

The main character is pretty well made, and we see in her some growth too, mainly in her adapting to the new world and the death of people in front of her. Her wanting to become a doctor is never mentioned during the story after the first time though, and it seems that the convictions that might pushed her down that path played no role at all in either her being a healer or adapting to death.

Still, there is some growth, and the reader feels like they know the main character well after some chapters, though the fast pace of the novel makes it impossible for her growth to be shown more in-depth.

As for the other characters, it’s a bit difficult to judge and they are honestly the main reason for this score, as we see a multitude of characters popping in and out of the narration without any of them becoming a true side character, or even a recurring one, making it impossible to flesh them out well.

Conclusions

The fiction itself is pretty enjoyable but it needs a lot of work, mainly in its style.

For the author: I hope this review hasn’t demoralized you and that it will instead help you improve your writing. I have bookmarked the fiction and I’m looking forward to editing this review once your writing improves.


The Demon and the Princess

This is undoubtedly one of the best fictions on RRL, much better than many on the first page of the best ranked. 

That said I decided to be brutally honest with this review and point out all the flaws of this novel.

-Style: the style is consistent throughout the novel. The author adopts first person for all his POVs and the writing has a good flow. That said, the many jumps in POV in the chapters, sometimes in the middle of the same scene, are distracting and tend to break an otherwise perfect flow. 

-Story: this fiction is a romance, there are fantasy elements, obviously, but the plot all revolves around the interactions between the characters. This is not a flaw at all, it's a good romance novel, but, despite the struggle of the race differences and the struggles that come with them, it somehow fails to go over the simple "good". There aren't really any problems, it just doesn't manage to tug the hearth of the reader as much as it should. 

-Grammar: Necamijat's grammar is well above the RRL average, there are almost no mistakes, but the ever-present typo (usually no more than a couple per chapter) doesn't allow me to give this section a perfect score. 

-Characters: characters are the real focus of this novel, their interactions and their feelings are what make this novel what it is. That said, while every character is unique and well fleshed out, I'd expect more interactions between them in the form of dialogue. Everyone who has ever read my fic or knows how much I like the Monogatari series might think I'm a bit too much for dialogue but in a novel were the characters themselves are the story, I'd expect much more dialogue between them. 

Everything said, this fiction, while not deserving of a full 5-star score in the single categories, it certainly deserves it as an overall score. 

If you read it, you'll understand too. 


Observation of a Demon Tortoise

Really, I clicked on this by mistake and was pretty unintrigued by it at first and yet I keep wasting my time on it.

It's just good. The grammar is well above the RRL average, the style is consistent and the pacing is just right. Then there is that something that makes you keep reading it.

It's a story about a tortoise.

A story about a tortoise!

Why can't I stop reading it?

The story and character scores are a bit low because, the protagonist being a tortoise, there isn't much of a plot yet except the protagonist surviving the daily threats it meets and there aren't a lot of character interactions, obviously. Those scores may change in the future as the story progresses.

Still, it's a really good read.

PS: author, I hate you, give me back my time... or more chapters


Necrotourists

On a site where even some of the best rated novels can give you a headache for how bad their grammar is (I'm looking at you AE) finding a good, well written, comedy story can really make your day and "Necro-Tourists: The Undead Living the Life" does just that.

 

 Everything else you need to know is that thousand year olds, overpowered undead want to have fun going around the world and they do just that and it's hilarious.