Overall, one of the best stories on the site, to the point where I can only spot one flaw currently:
We need an info dump on the power levels, preferably in an authors note: because of the mysterious nature of revian's powers, I'm having trouble getting a clear picture of the power scale involved here: what are the number of power divides, how important is skill involved, whats a typical civilian, compared to a city governor, compared to a member of a high family, compared to the head of a high family, and where gods enter the picture, as it's apparently possible to effectively become one. When Revian mentions that someone is 12th divide, I don't really have that good of a grasp of what that means.
There are two points to watch out for, specifically, in the future, beyond general running out of story:
1. You're interweaving a story about the VR game the character plays, with what appears to be a much more impactful story about the main characters efforts to, well, it would spoil the prologue. This accomplishes the (presumed) goal of having action scenes when the real world arcs are slow, but at some point it needs to actually impact the real world.
2. The main character as of chapter 11, still has a partially unknown powerset. this works fine for know (should last til the end of this arc); but at some point we need to know what she can do, so that readers know she has some limits. Also, once we know what her powers are, she needs to have some practical limits, or she will become a boring invincible heroine.
Other than that, the general worries about the plot collapsing, or characters doing things just because the plot needs them to; which I don't see any signs of it looks good.
As it stands right now, in terms of raw quality this is good enough that I wouldn't feel bad buying it on amazon. If you are looking to monetize, I don't actually recommend this though, for two reasons.
1. The way the story is written right now the chapters and arcs are broken up with an emotional payoff structure that seems a bit higher tempo than normally works in a book, with a larger number of small conflicts that serve to keep a casual reader interested. Obviously I can't be sure, because the only arc that has been finished is the prologue.
2. demographics: this story has a smorgasborg of things going on in the world building: High fantasy alternate forms, VR games, space operatic sci-fi, a set of high familes, gods, and a vaguely wuxia-ish set of power levels. This makes it hard to recommend outside RRL: these are all things that RRL has, but in a wider market place would basically mean belonging to the intersection of a number of niches.
This story might have better luck using a patreon model.
The story is generally good, but one main things is holding it back:
Things happen around luna, and sometimes to luna, but luna never seems to be driving events. This both leads to a disjointed sense of flow (griffin core appears with no warning, random arrogant girl appears for no reason then never shows up again, she gets randomly picked up as a student twice) and a poor sense of luna as a character (I know more from being told about her than from her actions).
As a more minor note, the world building is frayed around the edges. It has interesting concepts, but you get questions like why would blood elves be able to absorb cores randomly, why the sect
1: Overall, good, at that I couldn’t stop reading level.
The plot keeps it interesting, a good balance between the dungeon and the town
prose can get a bit overwrought.
characterization can get a bit clumsy
you need to go back an rewrite the epilogue of the first book, even for people not buying the amazon version: it doesn't link up with the second book at all.
biggest notable weakness is in scene transitions and time-skips: sometimes it hard to figure out who’s perspective it is (for non-bella characters)/ how much time has gone by. This hits hardest between chapter 6 and 7, where I got lost for a bit.
Having read the first arc: the only real issue I have with this story is that during the first arc, it uses two characters early on mostly to introduce us to combat. Unless these two characters are going to be used down the line I would recommend going back and using nyakka and her two friends, to better introduce them. Narghel, in particular, I have almost no memory of, and could use some characterization.
Enjoyable and nice to read.
Good that it didn\'t try to last longer: female MC lacks (for story reasons) enough personality & initiative to sustain a longer work.
Frankly, this story makes me want to go back and give almost everything else I've read on the site a lower rating, it's that good.
Grammar has no noticeable flaws easy 5/5.
Style: main character is moderately OP, but still has difficulty with things.
story: focuses more on the characters than the combat. Is basically complete at chapter 20.
Characters: are actual, interesting people with lives. strongest point.
could use an epilogue; is right at the point where it could use one.