starfyre7

starfyre7

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Reviews
Apocalypse Born

Excellent coming of age story

This is an excellent story. The grammar and writing quality is excellent, which provides a great basis for an enjoyable read. This story is excellent take and a new twist on the apocalypse genre. The mechanics and design of the system, Infra, are quite detailed and the protagonist, Hunter, is not given any game-breaking rewards for fairly basic achievements as in other similar novels in the LitRPG/VRMMORPG genre (like +1 to all stat gains in perpetuity for being the first to log in), though he certainly does have his advantages courtesy of his own preparation and the guidance of his family.

Rather than focusing on gathering power in a broken world, Hunter’s world is one of mystery and potential. The effects of the horrors and cataclysmic changes of the apocalypse on the world are muted because they are not world-shaking but simply the background of the world Hunter has grown up in, something to be taken for granted.  Hunter does not need to adapt to a new world, but the effects of the change are not so far back that they are merely words in a history book. As Kiki so aptly tells Hunter, “You do not see a disaster of a world and despair of how you’ll ever fix it, you just see a world with potential and wonder what your place will be in it.”

The pace of the story is somewhat slow and not action-packed but provides ample time for world building and for Hunter to grow from a child through an adult, gaining in both power and maturity. It is a very enjoyable read and one I highly recommend.


Planetary Brawl

System apocalypse story with a small twist

This is a generally enjoyable story, a system apocalypse story where the apocalypse gets introduced in stages. However, the grammar is somewhat lacking, regularly using the plural form("-es") instead of possession "'s" and mixing up words like "there" and "their". These do detract somewhat from the reading experience, but are not big enough deterrents to make me stop reading. If this story were to get an editor to address these issues, it could easily compete for being one of the top stories currently being serialized on RoyalRoad.  


Transcendental Misappropriation (Book One of the Pentacle Series)

The story is enjoyable, but is really in need of an editor.

The third person limited style is done well, with more revealed to the reader as Daniel learns more about his world. The reasons for hiding his powers and reincarnation are well explained and sensible, unlike in some other stories.

The story, though slow paced, moves along quickly enough to not be boring.

The characters are interesting, though many important ones are not fleshed out much. Perhaps this will change as the story continues. 

The grammer, however, needs significant work. There are many cases of misused words, missing words or apostrophies, as well as a few random cases of using first person language. 


The Dao of Magic

This is an enjoyable story. The character is quite interesting and certainly shows a dual personality of charming immaturity and knowledgable old man. The cultivation system is also unique and inventive. The goal of investigating and learning more about the world makes one want to continue reading.

However, the grammar and editing still require significant work. Many sentences utilize incorrect word usage (most often "were" vs "where), missing apostrophies and missing capitilization. If this work were edited properly, I believe it could gain another whole star in rating, making it one of the top stories on this site.


Ultima Deus - The Last God

More Sci-Fi than expected, but it ties in well. The story is enjoyable and the grammar is very good. There are a couple points earlier in the story where it strangely jumps between first and third person, but other than that there are very few grammatical errors. 


Savage Divinity

This story is excellent, one of the best on this site. Its grammar is also quite good, with only a few recurring errors, namely forgetting to use an apostrophe and mixing up "its" and "it's". These are ignorable, especially because the story is very engaging. 


God's Trials

Great plot, needs editing

I like the story a lot. The plot is great. However, there are a few points that detract from the story.

First of all, the story really needs an editor. If the author or someone else went through the chapter after it was written and removed most of the many errors, it would be much more pleasant to read. Some glaring ones include:

  • Missing capitalization
  • Typos and missing or extra words
  • Missing apostrophes when writing possession
  •  Incorrect use of "their" and "then"
  • Usage of both "him" and "it" when describing the same monster. Stick to one in a sentence or paragraph, don't randomly switch between them. 
  • Use of "it's" when meaning "its

Another thing that I noticed is that POV changes are abrupt and often not immediately obvious. In some cases we get the thoughts of some characters when in another's POV or the POV changes without notice. 

 

If all of the above were to be addressed, this would easily be a 5 star story. 


Gluttonous little crow

Great ideas, greatly needs editing

From the parts I read, the story is interesting. However, the grammar is quite bad and, from what I have seen, the editing gets worse. In chapters 2 and 3, I noticed a lot of missing capitalization, both of names and at the beginnings of sentences.

There are lots of run-on sentences I have noticed as well.

Since the premise and the idea so far is very interesting, I'd love to revisit this story after it has been edited. But right now, it is too hard to read.