Review as of chapter 35.
The writing is mostly smooth and mistakes are scarce but it is also rather beige which makes some parts (mostly the grinding) unentertaining or outright boring.
The character system looks rather simple and solid, the reputation category however seems to consist of makeshift events to drive the story forward as the Mc is reactive at best and passive and directionless at worst.
As I see it, the characters are the stories biggest flaw. With exception of the protagonists they do not reach past their stereotypes or stay non-descript mobs. Meanwhile exposition on the main cast is nigh entirely done by talking and major reveals get glanced over in a few sentences.
Don himself remains largely undefined but is going down a typical 'peace-loving but op-figther' clichee route and any challenges or tasks are heaped upon him by the narrative. While the author repeatedly comments about later developement what is missing here is the very foundation of the character. And with 35 chapters into the story exposition should have been done by now. Worst of all it leaves no character to even remotely connect to, leaving the reader largely uninvested in the story.
Last but not least, the pacing of the story is all over the place, neither are there clear temporary build ups before fight/flight scenes nor is there an overall build up for the story climax. Instead it bounces between life or death and baseline. That the progression of events is rather rushed doesn't help either.
My advice: plot a clear path for the stories major events and let the smaller ones be played out by the characters interactions, let them show who they are. Prerequisite being you having a clear image of them, past their roles and archetypes. And for the love of god give Don more personality, amnesia or not.
by severly underselling the story's depth and ingenuity that is. It's also sending your expectations down the wrong track. This isn't about a monster growing 'stronk' and being an unparalleled warrior-general, it's about a morally bankrupt man's struggles in leading a group of monstrous whoobies to survival (and comfort). Usually solved by blood being spilt and a hefty deal of emotional self-denial.
Tottering between anti-villain and criminal character-wise, the protagonist seems to be on a downward spiral of setbacks both physical and spiritual, the eventual culmination and catharsis of which we have yet to see (if ever).
While lacking the same depth, most other characters are distinct and well established, too. I find them oddly sympathetic for their continued existential dread and questions. This goes for the human ones, too.
The worldbuilding is smooth but consciously cookie cutter, as it is supposed to parode popular isekai after all. Yet in this part it falls strangely short, while the antagonists have baseline carricaturesque features they stay too subdued to be real satire. In fact this story reads itself like a small scale tragedy with occassional comedic relief. Similiary hard to discern is the direction of the story. There's plenty of hints to a big conspiracy going on, yet the task of surviving alone seems insurmountable already.
The grammar is mostly fine, the vocabulary distinguished. Mistakes are abound through the chapters, however, hence the deduction.
In conclusion, it's hard to tell what kind of story this will be ultimately but it's worth the read already.
I'm writing this review as of chapter 5, as I do not have the patience for more and there being no indication for improvement.
First of all this story is written in third person as opposed to the synopsys, which is in first. It could be waved off as a minor thing but with how passive the protagonist Todd acts I consider it a misrepresentation.
Delving further into the fiasko that is character building, so far there isn't any explanation of motivation or real conversation to show anything on who the central figures are or what they want, Todd's emotional reactions are so incredibly bland they might as well not exist. To further the problem, like mentioned above, the story is written reactive, so we get to see a lot of supposedly harrowing experiences to get him going, all which elicit barely more than a mental shrug. Sasha, an 'experienced' adventurer and his companion, seems to be instantly demoted to a sidekick without real personality, too.
I'd like to say that the story or world-building had something special to balance out the character issues but the author skimps most of it and what is shown (or told) seems to be cookie cutter isekai fantasy without real detail.
Similary, there is nothing style-wise to look out for. However, lacking distinction of pov switches makes for the occasional mental gear grinding.
Lastly, the chapters are riddled with enough grammatical and vocabulary mistakes it starts grating in the long run.
Editor, I hope you improve the story on the aforementioned issues and take your time for proper story telling in the future, especially regarding character developement. Writing is constant inprovemet and far from easy, so thank you for sharing your efforts nonetheless.
Please take notice I have not read the first version of this fiction so I solely comment on the current.
Honestly, it's the usual creative idea-horrible execution drama. No character or story developement of note in the first 15 chapters, mc including. Actually, the first 10 are probably the most longwinded and boring introduction I've had the displeasure of reading. Miserable attempts at situational comic just add on to that. Grammatical mistakes are frequent enough to become a bother. Finally, the story inexplicably seems to be missing a big part between the chapters 002 and 022, confusing and irritating.
I quite loved the idea behind this fiction and the overall setup wasn't too bad, but the aforementioned problems more than outweigh that for me.
This might be the most pure example of a powerfantasy I have ever encountered on this site.
Pointlessly op mcs with backgrounds so edgy they cut steel who spend their time stomping opponents who are obnoxious stereotypes or dumbed down to carricatures. The remainder is spent circle-jerking to their superiority or chuuny-esque musings about morality. That's right, weeb fanservice is part of the package. I'm still half-expecting for this to turn into a slice of life demon lord novel.
The grammar is fine and mistakes are few but many of the chapters are long-winded, repetitive infodumps, contrasted by fights without real tension. Worldbuilding consists mostly of bastardized clones of former countries and is pretty bland but it fits the narrative.
The problem I see is this novel running out of steam eventually. Mainly because conquest for world domination isn't really that impressive when it's done by a god, especially since there are no real antagonists and thus no real challenges.
This story is clearly not to my tastes but it might be to yours. If you enjoy the things mentioned above, go check it out and leave a rating.
To the author: you've created...something and it resonates. You should be proud of it, keep going and improve and experiment.
PS: I still can't shake the notion of this being satire, except I haven't been made to laugh yet.
for the story it wears of pretty fast. And what's left is a skeletal frame, with cardboard characters bumbling through a largely non-descript lowtech/mid-fantasy world. The plot is rather predictable and nothing that wasn't seen before. Overall, it's passable, but unfullfilling.
That said, the story got potential, and given time to improve his skills the author might pull of a really decent developement.
For the author:
Develop your techniques and style, it doesn't have to be poetry but your writing is getting too bland to keep the story entertaining.
Give life to your characters, they are lacking any defining traits or mannerisms as it is (Not accounting Markus' half-assed paranoia). Add more observations on how they speak or do things and give them motives to their actions. Also, don't keep dialogues short. They are a prime ressource for info and can add a lot of humour.
Don't point out obvious clues or overexplain things readers can deduce or look up themselves.
Make a decision on your narrating style. You're either in-person and limited or third person and omniscient/limited. Unstructured switches break immersion and story flow. Not saying you can't, just don't do it while in personal pov or make logical breaks so the reader can switch gears.
Hope this feedback is of help and you keep it up. Writing is constant improvement but take care to also enjoy yourself.
First a little warning, this is not one of those stories where a crafter exploits his skills to become some martial powercreep.
No, this is about a regular slob who happens to stumble his way into not just another world but also into a crafting focused class. His journey is mostly an inner one and violence is something he'd rather avoid. Which doesn't mean he'll just roll over though, you'll see some good action in this story. Overall however he got an underdog mentality which I, and surely others too, can apprecciate but might clash with some of the readers who like their mcs to be the movers and shakers.
This is a character driven story and so far any established have enjoyously avoided to be stereotypes (unless they are intended to be). Their interactions with the main are well written, though a little more agency couldn't hurt.
While not impeccable there are no grave grammatical or vocabulary deviations which would hamper understanding.
All in all, this is easily one of my most favored stories and I strongly recommend checking out. Just try and keep an open mind about the play you're witnessing.
While this fiction makes for an entertaining, casual read it still has very glaring flaws.
The style is simple, day to day speech which makes for easy understanding but lacks any flourish and beauty. Coupled with regular grammatical mistakes and switches in verb tenses it leaves the reading itself neither enjoyable nor the opposite.
Main cast aside, the caracters are flat, full of clichees and tropes and ultimately boring. Conversations are mostly devoid of wit and humor and everyone speaks in main clauses. All of which turns the mc power-creeping into the sole point of interest, while sub-plots don't get more than a cursory glance.
What buggers me most though is actually the setting. Post-apocalyptic and zombie-infestated? Why, I haven't seen one since chapter 2. As far as I can tell, the author has no plans at making them an actual subject of the story. Zombieism is just the latest cultivator cheat with minor drawbacks.
Summing it up, this is a cultivation novel and for all the entertainment it offers it sadly succumbs to near every flaw the genre entrails. My hope is for the side characters to gain more persona and agency as the story unfolds.
Reviewed at chapter 27
Although this story is called a dungeon story it is much more than that. The author abstains from traveling the trodden path of gem-like cores and hapless earthlings inserted into a fantasy setting. Instead we follow the tale of a prospective god of the forests. Similiarily the tags suggest a typical grimdark world to temper the protagonist, yet it's filled with scenes the author describes as fluff. An interesting experiment of diametry, though it does not mesh well so far, as there's a certain disruptiveness to reading about torture and death in one and bunny cuddling in the next chapter. Add to that an ongoing grammatical struggle and you're in for a few headaches. Still I encourage anyone interested in the underlying themes to follow and support this up and coming author. There's a lot of still untapped potential and a unique charm to this story.