I'll start saying that I love the idea of a story revolving around families or clans, for example any person who has read or watched Game of Thrones knows this detail gives a certain interesting something to the story. The Lannister, the Corleone, the Septim, the Uchiha and other dynasties bring with them this sense of belonging for the characters that I very much welcome.
I see people complaining this and that about the main protagonist, there is some to say about Max but I think this issue comes mostly from him being arrogant and for some readers that's bad but bad enough to just bail on the story completely appearently, and I gotta say he does come off as petty sometimes yes, but you know? I like that, I like that so much, I'm thankful he is somewhat different from the perfect MC even though he is pretty blessed as he is, and I'm very very thankful he is like that and not something like Forgotten Conqueror's protagonist (circumstances completely unrelated), that I can see a character, a kid with so much power and powerful people around him to be proud, to realize he is superior and adquire bad traits like arrogance in the way, but this obviously for his character's development sake, you gotta be clueless if you think he is not gonna get a bit humbled eventually... I don't think Max is a bad character and I hope to see where he ends up.
Now I have some words about the characters and their development, and don't ask me how I would do it myself if I were the one to write them because I'm clueless, but I can give away my sincere opinion as a reader about what are some mistakes in my opinion as in Arthur taking a bit to actually have dialogue, this grows into me thinking that whole underage period could have used some extra attention in general. Sometimes the developments can come off as forced but I can think in only one that I found considerable enough that being between chapter 14-15 I think?
Well regardless this story is thought and assambled well enough for it to be very readable. The interactions are good and can be satisfying, the development lacks a bit as I've already said, and about any kind of plot, it's there but it's still in the process of coming together, I'm content to see where this goes overall.
Just make sure you give it a try, judge for yourself and if you're lucky you'll have another story worthy of bookmarking.
Man... I was planning to enjoy this one, I was excited by the premise but... just why woukd you do it like this?
I realized this was going to be a painfully disappointing one the moment you skipped the blue screen depicting the other races stats and info, and I don't understand, why would you do that? That's like half the charm this story promises, what are we here if not for the world building? The not-real relationships between the gone-from-broing-to-hateful MC and his artificial pseudo harem? Well I'm certainly not.
Dale Mitchell started as your boring average person who becomes your average boring godlike world keeper, there's that, kinda fucked up the fact he likes to implant fake feelings in his subordinates but hey this might just not be my cup of tea. But then what's matter? So to put this way, I have trouble reading your characters because not only they feel fake and cheap, but because they are obstructing what really matters. Most of them. I mean I can deal with Dale and Catwoman weird relationship, but then you give me this group of characters and lets count what they've brought to the table.
The wacky relationship between MC and most females, the loli thingy, the catwoman GRINNING ALL FUCKING DAY, literally everytime she's got her turn to talk she's got some kind of grin for the occasion, Dale not understanding why is fucked up to manipulate others feelings ''wuh wuh why u so mad Bihema'' well fuck how could she not be mad, she knows what's up, actually the question is are we sure the other two are sentient? I can understand catgirl but the other two... are we sure they aren't still some kind of mindless dolls?
Now if you give me to choose between which I should read, read all that stuff or read about the origins of life, the dawn of civilizations, the conflict in the lives of these mortals, the technology advance of the humans in comparison with the elves, the continents, the seas, the cultures, I don't know. And that's why I dislike those characters, they're not that bad but they are an obstacle for what really matters. I mean, damn, I don't have anything against loli or some other anime references but to be clearer, you give me a detailed focus on who are the current leaders of all civilizations on one hand and a loli is justice monologue in the other then I'm not gonna give a fuck about lolis.
Then it comes to the other half of the charm of this fic, being god, or learning to be god and his interactions with the mortals, this is actually there but going slow and gotta deal with the other unwanted bs meanwhile, sadly. But then again there's close to 0 interaction with the mortals, again, what are we here for? The keeper games are still someway far, so I don't see how great is the admin room compared to the whole world that exists outside.
To put it simple, this could be amazing but its not.
This story is great, but my take is like the "groundbreaking idea" review, I'm actually glad I wasn't the only one who noticed the quality drop, let me explain mysef, and be aware that this is not an in depth analysis, this is what I think, my enjoyment and my opinions along with my ideas and sadly some disappoinments. Be aware of some spoilers but nothing to big.
One Sin is well writen in the most part, the idea is really cool, for those who are knowledgeable in the genre of reincarnation-isekai, imagine Mushoku Tensei but instead of being Rudeus our main focus we follow Ruijerd, and for those who don't know what I'm talking about I mean this story's main focus is what in any other would be a secondary character, not "the hero" but the hero's right hand, close to the spot light but not quite in it.
It also plays with the reincarnation trope in its own, unexplored or at least less popular but well thought (and here) entertaining way.
Demitri is great, at least if you've read Sin and Redemption, Sin is just sad and shows you how much of a noble and kind soul he is and how this One Sin has lead him to so much sorrow. Redemption is mirk and tragic and shows you how tortured, broken and concequentely naive he can be. I consider both arcs top tier and just excellent to begin this story, to meet and begin to know about our MC, his world and its circumstances, which pretty much hooked me in, but is also Demitri in part what is putting me off.
The story flows, as other reviews have noted, with many flashbacks and back stories, everytime Demitri loses conciousness or meets some shadow of his past he lives nightmares or is drown by melancholy bringing him to reminescence better happier times, or hurtful tragic moments, or just plain sad memories.
Now where is the problem if Sin and Redemption were so good? Well Brand is where things get weird, or bland whatever you may call it... Sin and Redemption were on point, even if you dislike Demitris you can actually expect him to act that way, note that he is going through such an emotional phase in his life, full of depression, self deprecation, guilt while being pulled by this sense of responsability, good and justice to a journey that should he reach his destiny death's embrace is pretty much what he will achieve, this is what leads me to read Demitri as a true hero, a tragic hero but a true one nonetheless, so this image achieved in Sin and Redemption is sometimes broken by certain dialogues or plot progressions, I mean Demitri didn't realized Dante was a reincarnated even though he has enough knowledge and pretty much everything points to that, even his gut feeling, but this can be forgiven blah! Even accepted, you can say that Demitri ain't the most smartest out there, or you can say what I said about him and his death journey, he is obviously not completely in the right set of mind, but how he was managed in the last Bane chapter and how the story let alone Demitri were handled in Brand chapters, it just screams in my head "REWRITE REWRITE".
Kinda spoilers, be aware
There is something in Bane, last chapter, about the way Demitri reacts toward the elven knights that just puts the character off, its simple but I find it off-putting "what? Why?!" was said, and I though many ways he would react but never those words or in that way, and this was also handled weirdly, because Demitri knew of his relationship with the elves and even if not that, after exclaiming his questions he explains the why in a mental monologue, this sounds small, I mean is just a dialogue, a reaction, but it doesn't feel right, not for Demitri, not for our MC, not after Sin and Redemption and all the flashbacks, call me crazy but I saw this odd and considered it a sign of something bad, then came Brand.
I'll be brief, Brand was the contrary of S & R, it was fast paced and bland, lacked the depth and tension that a story like this should have. Characters were introduced, characters died, there was suffering, retributions, love, brotherhood, gore and even new life, and 90% of it just lacked the emotion, the pain, the love, the hatred, it was not there, and that is bad because Brand is an important flashback, is Demitri's personality foundation, is his kindness, his hatred and his pain.
Give it yourself a try, this is how things are in RRL, I'm not condemning this story, but I just hope author finds the right approach for his story.
A simple style; a strong and "real" mc, although it could be discussed if OP he ain't OP-OP, an existence of cheat level does not currently exist in this world, and he knows his shit, seriously... he plans, prepares and executes like someone who has really experienced battle of life and death, and he actually does things, how much "real" can an MC get? And he is a complete Gary Stu but it is not bad, circumstances are not normal, and he has paid with things he wouldn't have wanted to let go if it weren't for circumstances, still MC is pretty likeable; the harem ain't bullshit even though female protagonists aren't very deep, it doesn't feel forced but like an actual harem, there is love and genuine desire with reasonable enough development to feel right, damn there is even the posibility of some posible relationships not happening (but come on, we know its real) because again, circumstances; entertaining stuff, the swimming class chapter is a good example of the entertaining potential; the world travelling is pretty charming, having to deal with both worlds, one which made the base of his being and the other which mold him both lead him to become who he is currently.
Something I'm expecting to be adressed is the fact that he is a wizard originally from earth, which proves that people from earth have the talent to become one, even if it is at a awful minimal rate, so I'm expecting something to come out of this thought.
Well to resume, watch as a witted young man go through these worlds, one in which slavery is religion, turned into a bounty hunter, a Gary Stu in earth's standards, makes a path out of killing monsters, subduing criminals, massacring enemies, as he deals with perverts, idols tournaments, world destruction, fame, magic, guilt, love and highschool.
Give it a try.
Seriously, and read a book and try to study its structure, you have some homework to do if you want to make this work.
But this is fun, hella fun, I enjoyed this story a lot, and that makes it count for me.
Maybe you would want to edit or even re-write the beginning of Avrin's "rebirth" and 1st experiences, if you've gotten better, is just that it feels weak for all the hype I had seen, it is not really bad but when you expect hype=genius ff and get underwhelmed instead, it ain't good at all, I think you're an amazing author by continuing writing for years now, but this could've been a lot better, at least I feel like it.
To give you a very silly but very accurate example of how I felt about your work and the hype behind it. Remember, I am not comparing your work with TG in any way nor it circumstances it went through, I'm just trying to explain you my feelings, which were very similar back then and now.
I'm a big fan of TG, so when anime came out I was expecting genius! instead I got Pierrot... Although I still mildly enjoy it, I was still cursing the heavens because it could've been absolutly genius, probably a classic of the genre, if well done... But it was not meant to be, maybe without the hype of being a manga reader it could've been a lot better for me, because that was the case for many people, many of my friends did enjoy it, probably because there wasn't a voice in the back of their heads telling them what to expect, how good it was the original product, and how much they would enjoy it.
So, it could've been, but it wans't.
Just because of no synopsis and the fake boost reviews I don't want to read this, play fair if you want to get somewhere jesus