Sickened Fanfics

Sickened Fanfics

The Deceit of Inis

This is a very refreshing read. It is exactly what I have been looking for in a litrpg. It truly stands out with its uniqueness. So, here we go.


Style (4.5):  The style is very simple, clean, and easy to read. The action sequences are written plainly, making it easy for the reader to understand what is happening. However, I think a little personality can be added to the narrative. It would not hurt.

Story (5): This is a very creative story, and I am excited about finding it. You have two friends who have been sucked into another realm who will surely be on opposite spectrums of the foreshadowing struggle to come. It’s a classic enough storyline but what really made the story stand out to me was the break from the general formalities of other litrpgs. You won’t find status or inventory charts in this story. No, the main character and his opposite each have a small interactive journal that they carry with them. All of their stats and inventory are there. The way the writer describes them allotting their stats points and managing their inventory is truly creative and speaks of an intelligent mind. Another thing I like is that the main character can feel his abilities working and can map out an opponent’s attacks reminding me of Robert Downey Jr.’s Sherlock Holmes.

Grammar (4.5): Not much to speak about honestly. The stuff I saw didn’t take away from the experience. However, there were some things. A lot of short paragraphs that could be made bigger by grouping paragraphs with similar topics together. Single quotation marks were used incorrectly. Sometimes periods and quotation marks were used for scene breaks which they shouldn’t be. Either use a line break or space. When space is used for scene breaks it’s only a minimal amount of space. The writer should use more space. I spotted a few word mistakes that really didn’t hamper the reading experience. Lastly, in one area, the writer called the dead tiger a wolf.

Characters (4.5): I have to say, the one thing that didn’t stand out in the story was the characters, except for the old man, Ardler. I felt that both the main character, Rafa, and his friend/opposite, Niklas, were really flat. I think they are two characters that can be built upon and filled out more. They are good characters, but they don’t invoke any feelings in me. Now Ardler is hilarious. This little old man is bursting with personality. He really steals the show. Another thing, the ages of the main characters aren’t made clear. I don’t know whether they are teenagers or young men. That can be a crucial detail to some readers. Especially to someone like me who likes adult main characters.


Overall, this is a good story that I’m going to follow. You got all the adventure right here. Litrpg, isekai, and fantasy. If all of those tickle your fancy, check this story out.

March To The Capital

I am giving this review as a person who was taught American English. Therefore, some of my suggestions on grammar might not apply to the writer.


Style (3.5): The style of the writing changes throughout the stories. Chapter one starts smooth and steady at the beginning but becomes a bit rambling as it goes along which can happen with a first-person point of view. The narrative lacks personality, emotion, and creativity. Changing a few words and the use of a thesaurus might help with this. Now, chapter two starts with personality but toward the end, it becomes rambling like chapter one. As the reader moves to the other chapters it gets better. However, the writer should try to maintain a steady style throughout.

Story (4): The story is interesting enough and as a person who has an interest in all aspects of slavery, I can appreciate it. However, I am wondering if the writer has also read The Confessions of Nat Turner about a black American slave who killed his masters and stormed to the capital of the state while leaving a trail of murder behind. To be inspired by something, whether a real-life event or fictional, is fine. However, the writer should put a spin on it. Just simply building a fantasy world around the inspiration isn’t enough.

Grammar (3.5): Once again, I speak and write American English, so some of my advice on grammar may be ignored. What stood out to me is the lack of space between paragraphs. I don’t know whether the writer is writing directly into the chapter submission box, or they are copying and pasting from a writing program like MS Word, but the lack of space between paragraphs makes it hard to read for a person who has issues with concentrating or that may have mental illnesses that makes it hard for them to focus. Several times I could feel my eyes crossing and stressing to read the story. I also had issues with following along to the next line of text. Sometimes I would find myself rereading the same line. It is hard to tell the paragraphs apart and I’m not sure if some of the paragraphs were written as one sentence or as more. If they were written with one sentence, the writer should strive to write longer paragraphs and group sentences with the same subject matter into one larger paragraph.

Next, single quotation marks. This is where culture might diverge. I believe in some countries; they use single quotation marks for dialogue. If that is the case then my following advice can be ignored. Now, I also have issues in my writing with single quotation marks that need to be edited. Recently, I learned that single quotation marks should only be used for quotes within quotes. I also noticed that single quotation marks and italics were used with thoughts, whereas italics should be used alone.

Next, in some areas, words have been used wrong. Words that sound the same but are spelled differently with different meanings have been used. For example, writing no when the writer meant know. Some words were left out of sentences which made the sentence hard to understand. Some letters were left off the ends of words. For example, the writer meant has, but wrote ha. Words in titles should be capitalized. Not all, such as a, the, etc. I believe the word future in a book title was not capitalized. Some words were capitalized when they shouldn’t be, like the word you. Lastly, some words were written in the wrong form.

Lastly, I noticed that some commas and periods were used in the wrong place or missing, and a line break wouldn’t hurt to break up the scenes. The space that is used is too minimal to indicate that a new scene is starting.

I would recommend using the spelling and grammar checker in MS Word, Grammarly, or Google Docs. I use all three.

Characters (4): Overall, the characters could be better. They’re not terrible but lacking something. Marak didn’t show any emotion until the end of chapter one. Now Volas and Alex have personalities. Even though these two have personalities, I think that the writer can go the extra mile and bring out more. I feel that they need to dig into each character. This might go back to my belief that this is a retelling of Confessions of Nat Turner. It feels like the characters are just plopped in place as fill-ins for real-life people. The reader is given general and basic descriptions of the Cinari and Diamond Dogs. These are fictional races/species. If the reader is to imagine or believe that these races/species could exist, they need more descriptions so they can see them in their mind.


Overall, I think that people who like subjects of slavery, the underdog overturning tyranny, and the like, will enjoy this story. It also has tones of Spartacus. So, if these subjects tickle your fancy, go ahead, and give this story a try.

Elemental Mythos: Rise of Idika (Hiatus)

Style (5): The style of the prose is very refreshing to read. It shows creativity and intelligence with its descriptions. Any creative writing professor at a university would be impressed. As you read the tale written in first person, you get the sense that they are sitting next to you relating the events.

Story (5): This story is a gamelit and I’m really liking it. A lot of gamelits lack in detail and rely on gaining stats and becoming powerful, but I feel this story is more than that. It really suckers you in with intrigue.

Grammar (4): I am making these suggestions as a person educated in American English. Therefore, if these suggestions are wrong in your country, you can ignore them. The grammar isn’t too bad, actually, it’s pretty good. However, there were some things that I noticed. There were some run-on sentences, and in some places, periods and commas were used incorrectly.

Next, there were instances of words that sound the same but are spelled different and have different meanings used. For instance, “sain” when the writer meant “sane”, and “solum” when the writer meant “solemn”. Sometimes the wrong forms of words were used.

Lastly, single quotations should not be used for thoughts. They are only used for quotes inside of quotes. It is best to use italics.

I always recommend using MS Word, Grammarly, and Google spell and grammar checker.

Characters (5): At first, I had an issue with the fact that there weren't many details about the couple’s appearance, but you find that there is a reason for that in chapter two. The character’s appearance changes so it didn’t matter what they used to look like. I was so impressed by how all the characters were described from their appearance to their clothes and I could see everything in my head. Every character is unique, and this clearly shows the intelligence and creativity of the writer. There is a lot of emotion in this story, and it reaches the reader right out of the pages. In chapter one, you can easily feel and see that the couple cares for each other through the little things they do, such as a sweet little peck on the back of the neck. Their struggles are written in a way that anyone who has struggled financially can relate. You can feel the struggles and sadness, making you emphasize them. Lastly, when the main character undertakes her trial, the choices she makes give a clear insight into her intelligence.


If you like stories with lovely and vibrant descriptions that transport you to another world you will love this. I highly recommend this to anyone even if they don’t read gamelit.

I Suck At Titles

Style (4.5): The style lacks excitement at the beginning of the story. For it to open with action, I felt the text and style of writing didn’t match the events. However, as the reader continues to the next chapter, the writing style matches the mood. I think that changing a few words in the first chapter during the action would make that part more exciting.

Story (4.5): From what I understand, this is supposed to be a comedy poking fun at fantasy tropes. I’m not really familiar with fantasy tropes so maybe this is why a lot of the comedy goes over my head. However, the last part of chapter two is funny. Also, the reader can see that the main character’s situation is funny. Overall, the story is quite interesting and gets the reader’s attention.

Grammar (4.5): Most of the grammar errors that I saw were in the first chapter. As the chapters go on, these errors disappear so there isn’t a point in mentioning them. These minor mistakes don’t take away from the enjoyable reading.

Characters (5): The characters are well-written and rounded. You can fully believe they exist and feel what they feel. They are described nicely both inside and out. You want to believe them. You can see them in your head. You see their actions, and facial expressions, and feel their feelings.


This is a very good and developed work of fiction. If you like fantasy and humor then you will love this.

I Got Trapped In a Fantasy World As A Literal Anime Girl And I'm Really Not Taking It Well [More Rewrites in Progress]

This review is written by a person who does not watch or have an interest in anime or manga, etc. However, I found this story very refreshing and intriguing.


Style (5): While the story has a good flow and keeps you reading, there are some things I want to address. The pre and post-chapter notes do not need to repeat in every chapter. It gets a bit annoying as a person reads. It feels like the writer is trying to drill something into the reader’s head. We do not need to be told something repeatedly. Put the notes about the story in the first chapter notes and the notes thanking people for reading and suggesting that they favorite, etc., the story in the last chapter that was posted. Other than that, I have nothing negative to say about the style. It’s very smooth and simple. It’s very easy to understand what is going on and there isn’t any confusion.

Story (5): It’s a classic adventure story. The events actually reminded me of the Final Fantasy video games my siblings used to play. Reading it, I could see all the details that the writer describes. I can see the different races, the animals pulling the cart, the town, the buildings, everything. It was really described well. Let’s be honest, who doesn’t like adventure? Honestly, I’m not an anime fan but I have seen a couple of them before and this story is on point with all of the exaggerated gestures and facial expressions. I wouldn’t expect anything else from an anime story.

Grammar (4): The biggest problem with the story is grammar. However, it doesn’t take away from the story. Some of the things I noticed were short paragraphs. Sentences with similar topics should be grouped into longer paragraphs instead of having a stream of stand-alone sentences running down the page. The spacing between the paragraphs is uneven like the writer pushed enter twice. The paragraphing throughout the story is uneven in that it goes between full paragraphs in one area and then reverts to single-sentence paragraphs in others.

There were letters left off some words and words missing from sentences. Some sentences had too many words. For instance, the writers used forward and toward one after another and they only needed to use one or the other. At times they used the wrong word and sometimes the dialogue quotations are left open. Lastly, they used a different font for the message the characters remove from the board. This really messed with my eyes and focus. It’s just best to stick to one font when posting online. It’s not like a printed book. Just stick with the website’s default font so it won’t bother people who have a hard time focusing and concentrating.


So, that’s all there is to say about this refreshing story. If you are really into anime and have a sense of humor, I would say give this story a try. It’s all there. Well-rounded characters, adventure, setting, and over-the-top actions. Enjoy.

Trickster Cleric (A LitRPG Isekai Epic Fantasy Story)

A bit slow, though written well besides a few issues, but the adventure is there.


Style (4): The style is written in a slow, sluggish, and dry tone. However, the reader keeps reading because they are intrigued about the world and are curious about what will happen in the next sentence, paragraph, and chapter. The description of the surroundings and the characters pull you along on the journey making everything feel real and mysterious. The writer is obviously educated, as metaphors and similes are used throughout the story. However, I feel they aren’t being original or they’re holding back. I feel that they need to let their creativity loose and create unique metaphors and similes. Now that’s where the fun in writing comes from. Also, the writer should research adding emotion to narrations. I think putting some emotions in the words would really help with making the story leap from the screen. It would also help with bringing Amara to life.

Story (5): The story is very creative, and I am stuck with it. I really want to know where it is going. By the time you get to chapter four, you start nodding your head because you now learn why the main character is there. Interestingly, she’s not of a rank or caste that’s like noble or heroic, like a lot of litrpg stories are. So that of itself demonstrates the writer’s creativity. I am also wondering if the author is a fan of Greek mythology. As I am reading, I get ideas of Hades when the main character uses one of her spells, and then she gets a little sidekick named…Can you guess? Persephone! It’s really cool. I hope I’m right!

The only thing is that there are a few standard litrpg things in the story that you see in just about all litrpg stories. I won’t go into detail and I’m not knocking any stars off because everybody, well, maybe not everybody, but anyway, I really encourage litrpg and gamelit writers to create their own terminology for the functions in their story. It doesn’t have to be called a status screen, etc. Use a thesaurus and you can come up with some unique terms for your own story.

Grammar (4.5): The grammar isn’t so bad that it takes away from the reading experience. If I’m being honest, the grammar isn’t bad at all. You can clearly understand what is written, but there are a few things that I did notice, which, as I continued to read, either went away, or I was too engrossed in the story to notice.

Disclaimer: I speak and write American English, so some of my suggestions might not apply to the writer.

I spotted some run-on sentences, and some sentences were missing words that would make them flow well. The paragraphs were short, some only being two sentences. The writer should group paragraphs with the same subject into one large paragraph. Lastly, sometimes the writer used the wrong forms of words.

Characters (4): The characters are alive, except for Amara, the main character. I will go back to her in a minute. First, I’m going to note the good things I noticed about the characters. The writer did well with describing their appearances and facial expressions. Salamander makes a good sidekick, and I am intrigued about the relationship that she will build with Amara. She is actually the reason why I decided to stick around for the adventure. She’s a classic street rat with all the guts and spunk needed to survive the gutters. Then there is Jonas. I enjoyed how well Jonas was described, but I’m afraid that there may be some cliche romance between him and Amara. I hope I’m wrong. However, if that is what you like, then jump right in. I also like the fact that Amara was able to make a group to go on adventures with others. The litrpgs I have been exposed to usually have one person against the world. The more the merrier. Reminds me of Final Fantasy.

Now, Amara. I don’t really get anything from her. I feel she’s a bit flat and she reacts to things so calmly and unnaturally. Even though she wanted a new start, I doubt anybody would want one the way she got hers. I also didn’t feel that her bringing up the status and weaving magic so easily was realistic. I think that tossing in a few mess-ups would have been good. She also needs more personality and a great way to do that is through thoughts. Yes, she does have thoughts, but I think the writers can push themselves to make her thoughts more unique to her character. I think this will make her stand out and be more realistic. Also, I think too, litrpgs and gamelits do better written in the first person. This might be the case with this story.


So, all in all, it’s a good story. I hope the writer will appreciate some of my suggestions and I’m looking forward to reading more.

The Mook Maker

Okay, this is a harem story that I can get behind. Not that I’m an expert on harem fiction or anything, but I have heard things…Yeah. So, let me jump into my ratings


Style (4.5): Excellent flow. This story moves on fluidly, page after page. It’s not rushed or hurried even though it is action-packed. That is really unusual. I really have a hard time with action-packed stories because they move too fast and lack meat and potatoes meaning details and character development. It’s filled with great imagery that is shown through the main character’s eyes with his limited understanding of the world he has been dropped into. I sincerely think that litrpgs and gamelits do better written in the first person. It just feels right to me. It kind of makes you feel like you are behind a game console navigating a character with a controller. In my opinion, it’s not easy to do first person and I have to say that it is done expertly in this story. A lot of times a first-person can read like someone just rambling on and on about absolutely nothing. However, in this tale, it feels as if the main character is right there telling you an engaging tale of his life experiences. The language and diction are clear and easy to understand. The reader can see the characters, their appearance, expressions, body language, clothes, surroundings, and gore in their minds as they move through the adventure.

The only thing I have to say is that the note at the bottom of the page about commenting and reviewing doesn’t have to be on every chapter. When you update, just put it in the last chapter and remove it from the other chapters. It’s a bit much for a new reader to see that every chapter.

Story (5): I honestly have nothing bad to say about the story itself as in the storyline. It is definitely a harem story I don’t mind reading and will continue to read. It has something more to it. A purpose. I feel that there is a reason why this harem is forming and not because of the usual sexual desperation. I have to say that I am happy to see someone call the status screen something besides “status screen”. Overview is pretty cool. This is evident that the writer is creative and thinks outside of the box.

Grammar (3): Now, the only real problem that I saw with this story is grammar. First, let me say that I was taught American English. Therefore, some of my suggestions might not apply to people in other countries.

All right so, I notice that the paragraphing changes from chapter to chapter. This gives the impression that the story might be written by two different people. I don’t know if that is the case and I’m not trying to imply that it is, but it’s something that I noticed. It seems to alter every other chapter. It starts with the first chapter where there are a lot of short paragraphs, one and two-sentence paragraphs, and double spacing between the paragraphs. In the next chapter, this disappears but it comes back in chapter three and keeps alternating throughout the story.

Next, the sentence structure needs a lot of work. I’ve seen run-on sentences, incomplete sentences, words added to sentences making them jumbled, and words missing from sentences that would make them clearer. In some areas, the author uses the wrong words and the wrong forms of words. I notice that they have issues with knowing when to use “the” and “a”, as well as “or” and “and”. Also, single quotation marks should only be used for quotes inside of quotes. Titles do not need to be inside quotations at all.

I also noticed that the writer had issues with writing dialogue. In a lot of areas, the dialogue tags weren’t on the same line as the dialogue but were in the following paragraph. Some dialogue didn’t have tags at all. Lastly, the punctuation around the dialogue was incorrect in some areas.

However, with all of the grammatical errors in the piece, it doesn’t take away from the enjoyment of the story and the reading experience. The writer does have a good vocabulary and makes some great word choices that keep the narrative fresh.

My recommendation for the writer is to use MS Word, Grammarly, and Google Docs spelling and grammar checker.

Character (5): The characters are so believable, unique, and exciting. I used to roleplay as a Neko on a 3D chat site and this story took me back to my furry days. The way the beasts were described was expertly done and I felt like I could reach through the screen and stroke their fur and faces. Though I think that would be a bad idea. So, yeah, I want to keep my hands. Their personalities are depicted well. They have this innate desire to please and protect along with a pure innocence that you can’t help but fall in love with. When the creatures speak, you automatically hear their voices in your head. It is just so cool the way the writer has given the she-beasts all this personality and energy and life. It is truly amazing.

Now, the writer didn’t skim on the main character either. This is his story and we, the readers, are getting it firsthand from him. We can hear, see, and feel his stress, horror, discomfort, loneliness, and bewilderment. It’s like what the H - E double hockey sticks, I just woke up. Like, wow…It’s real, the reader can feel it all. The reader is literally inside the main character’s head throughout the whole story. This is the best first-person web fiction that I have ever read. beast_regards gets all of my respect.

I also like that the main character is an antihero and I gotta read on some more to see just what he’s gonna get up to. I’m intrigued. Now, I’m usually picky about stuff like not knowing the main character’s name or what they look like, but honestly, it really works in this story. Given the circumstances, I completely understand why the reader doesn’t know these things yet and it really works.


If you are wondering if this story is good for you, I’m telling you now to give it a try. If you are looking for an alternative to other gamelits and litrpgs or a harem done differently and in a fun way, check it out. It will blow your mind away. I promise! This story is very much approved!

The Twins of Masylm

A Rainy Day Read to Ease the Mind

This is a good story, but I think it needs a bit of a punch to make it stand out.


Style (4): The story is written in a smooth and steady style that brings up thoughts of a rainy day read. I imagine this would be an ideal book for someone to snuggle into a window seat while rain is falling outside. There is a still sadness that presents itself throughout the narrative and the dialogue.

It is dialogue heavy and would be great for those readers who prefer dialogue to long descriptions and details. However, if you are like me, you will notice the lack of descriptions and details which makes it hard for you to be sucked into the story. There are no descriptions of what the city or the twins look like. Yes, there is artwork depicting them, but it’s not good for a writer to rely on the art included in their piece. They should always describe their characters’ appearances and the setting. When the twins meet the two players, we are only told that they are wearing colors or types of clothing for the class they belong to. However, we are not told what those colors are or what the clothing looked like.

Lastly, I’m not a fan of writers adding the character name at the top of a section when it is told from that character’s point of view. I just feel it’s not needed. However, I did like the fact that the writer didn’t use charts for things like inventory or item stats. I thought it was great that they integrated these things into the narrative.

Story (4): It is a gamelit story, but I feel that it is missing a lot of the action and dynamics of gamelit. I’m no expert on gamelit but I do like the ones that have action and describe the conflict. When the twins met the players for the first time and got into a fight, the writer never described the actions which made the scene feel unfulfilled. Another thing, the two main characters weren’t mentioned as twins until chapter five. Yes, the readers can assume that the two are twins, but a writer should never assume that a reader will automatically know or understand something, because somewhere out there, someone won’t catch on. The thing I did like was the ability for the players to make parties and do quests.

Grammar (4.5): There were some grammatical errors such as run-on sentences, and short paragraphs that could be combined with others to make larger paragraphs. There were some instances of the writer using the wrong word or the wrong forms of words. However, as you keep reading, you don’t notice these things, or they disappear.

Characters (4.5): Each character has their own unique personality. However, I think that the writer should go the extra mile and include facial expressions and body language to fully convey the emotion or emotions that the character is displaying. One thing the writer was good at though, is making the reader feel for the twins by making them seem like street orphans that only have each other to depend on. It is heartwarming when Llewell gives Myr the biggest piece of bread.


As I stated before, this is a good book. If you just want something light to read or something to curl up with on a rainy day, this would be a good story. However, if you want something a bit heavier and faster pace, this one isn’t for you.

The Achievement [system].

I am giving this review as a person who was educated in an American English school system. If any of my suggestions on grammar are wrong in your country, I apologize.

Style (3): The prose in this story uses intelligent vocabulary. However, this also leads to a dry narrative. It’s very analytical and factual. The flow is slow and stiff. I found myself struggling to move from word to word. Many of the actions' descriptions are mangled. I had to reread them a couple of times. For instance, when James dropped his phone, it wasn’t made clear that he was lying down. It was very confusing to me, and I had to read the lines a couple of times before I realized this. Simply adding that the phone dropped past his ear to thump on the bed/couch/floor would solve this problem and clear up the confusion. The character names listed at the top of each section are unnecessary. All that is needed is the line to break the scenes because as you read the next section it is clear that it contains another character’s point of view.

Story (4.5): The plot is interesting and makes me want to stick it out to continue the adventure, but the prose just makes it hard to do that. I like the idea that in this gamelit, you win achievements by doing naughty things. That is unique in itself as the gamelits I have read always give you achievements and rewards for doing nice stuff. That alone sets the story apart from other gamelit.

Grammar (3): There are a lot of grammatical errors that stood out to me as I read the story. Once again, this review is done by a person who was taught an American form of English. Therefore, my suggestions might not be accurate for others living in different countries.

The biggest issues I found were run-on sentences and short paragraphs. Many of the single and double-sentence paragraphs can be combined to make a full paragraph. The only full paragraphs I have seen are dialogue. I also have issues with paragraphs and though I had learned all of this in grade school, I had to relearn it because my writing was harmed by online chat and roleplaying. Here is a short outline that I was taught in school and that a user on Scribble Hub presented to me:

paragraphs: (Point 1 + introduce 2) > (Point 2 + introduce 3) > (Point 3)

Moving along, I'm not sure why single quotations were used for some words. I also have this problem of using single quotations wrong. I have just recently learned that single quotations should only be used with a quote inside a quote. Dialogue tags are virtually nonexistent which leads to the confusion of knowing who is talking and when. This continues with character thoughts too. Without tags stating that the italicized words are thoughts, they just look like they are part of the narrative. A lot of times the wrong punctuation is used. A period is used where a comma should be and vice versa. There was one word written in a shorthand that I noticed which was mate (I believe) spelled like m8. The shorthand should not be used in formal writing but also mistakes do happen.

Characters (4): Characters need more personality and debt to their character. Displaying the characters’ personalities early on in the story is an effective way to get a reader suckered into the story. Though Maddy is intelligent and observant her personality doesn’t make me want to get to know her more. James seems very flat. I don’t have a feel for him whatsoever and even though the story opened with him, he feels like a tossed-in character even though that might not be the case. Richard is the most interesting and fun character if you like assholes. I feel like I want to follow him around all day with a spyglass to see what sort of trouble he will get into. Also, while reading sections with him in it, you learn what sort of things he likes and doesn't like which is crucial for making characters seem real. Lastly, James is the only character with an opening showing his entry into the game. I am curious how the other two characters reacted.

In closing, it is an interesting story with an intriguing plot. It seems different from other gamelits, but there are a few things that need to be fixed. My suggestions are as follows:
- Research paragraphing
- Dig deep into your characters and make them come alive. Give them quirks and idiosyncrasies
- Use MS Word, Grammarly, or Google grammar and spell check (I use all three)

Magus of the Rise

Style (5): The words move smoothly, and the writer has a clear understanding of English. I don’t think they have to or should worry about English not being their first language. The story keeps me clicking through to the next chapter. I was really impressed.

Story (5): I have to say that it really reminded me of Marvel’s The Eternals. Basically, it is a sort of retelling of how Earth was formed, and religion came about which, in this story, is through magic. Furthermore, if you don’t like stats and isekai, you will like this. It’s a wholesome story.

Grammar (4): I make this disclaimer on all reviews when it comes to grammar. I write and speak American English so some of my advice may be ignored if you were taught English differently in your country. Here is another thing that I say: the use of single quotation marks is used only for quotes inside quotes. However, I also know that in some countries they used single quotes for dialogue. I also have issues in my story with single quotation marks that will be edited out soon. As well, thoughts should only be written in italics and not italics and single quotation marks.

Italics should only be used for emphasis and thoughts. There were some words at the beginning of a chapter or scene that was in italics, and they shouldn’t have been.

Some of the paragraphs were short and could be grouped into bigger paragraphs. Sometimes the writer used the wrong word in sentences, or they were missing. I spotted a word that was capitalized, and it shouldn’t have been. I think it was “and”. Lastly, the name at the top of each section with a different character’s point of view isn’t needed because the reader can see whose point of view it is when reading. However, I understand that this is a thing that online writers do.

The advice I always give is to use MS Word, Grammarly, and Google spelling and word checker.

Characters (5): I honestly really liked them. I got a sense of their personalities and there is an interest in wanting to see them develop. They are believable, the main character is down to earth and likable, and I could see them in my mind. Good job.


I say this is a job well done and if you like a slower-paced story without all the stats, etc., give this one a try.