senseiseth

senseiseth

2
Follows
1
Favorites
6
Reviews
1
Fictions
Reviews
The Pillar of Enera

An amazing story that's a must read.

Style:  The use of language is very well balanced and easy to read and follow as you progress with the story.  A lot of the information is given in dialogue which is nice to avoid info dumps and run on paragraphs which is nice.

Story:  Conversations were excellently written and everyone has their own voice to differentiate them from others. And you want to know what happens next with the characters in the story. The world is also fleshed out with thought given to the lore to help influence how characters would react to the situation in a natural way

Grammar:  I couldn’t find any major grammar issues that needed to be addressed. The use of language was well done and really helped to give the writing a voice that makes you appreciate being along for the ride.

Character:  Excellent cast. The major characters were presented in a way that made them feel believable and grounded. Without going into details and spoilers, Simon is my favorite character and I loved how his introduction scene did so much to set the story and give it life with little effort.

Conclusion:  Absolutely a wonderful read, and cannot recommend it enough. This is an amazing story.


Trickster Cleric (A LitRPG Isekai Epic Fantasy Story)

Things I Liked:

Good intro into a new world

  • No info dumps
    • Everything is introduced through dialogue and when needed
    • No one goes on tangents to set up world rules.

Good prose

  • No huge portions of needless purple prose
    • Nice sprinkling of prose to help flesh out thoughts and character traits.

Nice dialogue

  • Most characters speak in realistic manner and within their character
    • Each one also has a voice that distinguishes them from one another.
    • Everyone reacts natural and no major sudden changes in their character.

Character victories

  • Amara has to earn her victories.
    • Not given special treatment from other people
      • Quite the opposite
    • Has to slowly develop skills and knowledge of the world to help her figure out how to approach problems and earn a living with her arrival.
    • Works with others to achieve successes, and doesn’t simply overcomes by minimal efforts.

Things I’d Change

  • Okay, I’ll be frank, most of what I found I’d change was more of style than anything else. Nothing was a major, “oh that’s not good” situation. And the game mechanic parts wasn’t over the top and didn’t feel like it was trying to fluff up the story and word count. This is a well done story and I’m hoping to see where it goes.

Norman the Necromancer (Progression Fantasy)

Things I liked

  • Dialogue
    • Really natural
    • No signs of it being forced or wooden
    • Each person has a unique style and manner of speaking
  • World setting
    • Unique
      • Post-apocalypse
      • With actual sense of society lost, and what’s still kept
        • Unlike another “post-apocalyptic” story that … really wasn’t
      • Fantasy races
        • Not down the tried-and-true path, but there’s still a fantasy element
        • And I like how the fantasy doesn’t overwhelm the MC’s own story.
      • Characters
        • Everyone has a personality
        • You can get a sense that each one has a life outside of the story and not just waiting on the side lines to be in the scene
        • Have depth to them and aren’t character archetypes
          • You can tell thought was put into these characters.
        • Comedy
          • I like the comedy. It’s not overly crude. There’s a nice amount of social commentary within it getting into high-horse territory. And I liked how Norman’s general reaction is more or less in the vein of ‘really?’
        • Norman
          • Okay, so I don’t want to call the guy a ‘loser’, but he’s a guy who has to work for what he gets. And isn’t automatically given perks or respect just because he’s the MC. He has to work for his wins, and even then, they’re not complete.
          • It makes it so when he does get that win, it means something and you feel good because he finally got ahead in what he’s doing.

What I’d Change

  • All right I’ll be honest. There wasn’t much I had an issue with in the story. The only thing that I noticed in the first ten chapters was when the story slowed down between chapters four and eight specifically. So this feels more like a slow burn story, so this isn’t a bad thing, it’s more of a personal taste.
    • Though I will say chapter eight was, in terms of narrative and tension, my favorite chapter. And the zero to eight change of pace was pretty wicked awesome, I’m not gonna lie.
    • I’ll also say the slice of life stuff did help flesh our Norman and some of the side characters, which was good in helping the reader connect with them. Especially, with Anna and Toby.

Conclusion:

READ THIS STORY! I’d seriously recommend this story. It’s in a well thought out world. The characters are memorable and not mouth pieces or their to praise the MC. And the MC actually earns his victories. Plus the comedy is nice so it doesn’t become a big dramafest which can take away from the rest of the story.


The Renegade System [Souls-like Progression litRPG]

Things I liked:

  • General pace
    • The story does not take forever to get started and I really like that. It establishes the main setting, who the MC is, and a general idea of their goal in the story.
  • Light on the LITRPG menus
    • One of the reasons why it’s harder for me to dive into a LITRPG story is the sheer size of some menu screen sections of the story. Here’s it’s less intrusive, and has a nice flow to it. Plus, the game mechanics aren’t ungodly uncomplicated that it takes away from the story.
      • Though on a side note, that would make for a funny story.
    • Exposition
      • What I really liked of the story was the exposition. It did enough telling to set a scene and let the characters do the rest. And everything else was, more or less, Julian’s internal thought process. It let us be in his head as he’s thinking, so it does simply tell us, and keeping us from investing into the story.
      • Even in the dialogue it’s short sweet and to the point. Nothing overly stated and drawing the scene out, just to draw the scene out.
    • Scene Descriptions
      • “The air was humid and hot, and the oaks were tall and verdant, surrounded by a rich vegetation dripping with vines and moss. The ground was a carpet of wet decaying leaves that emanated a strong smell of petrichor. In the distance something howled, the sound coming muffled through the thick forest.”
        • I love how in three sentences, you’re given enough information to form the scene in your head and then move with the plot. This has been a bit of a pet peeve of mine with pages and pages and PAGES of descriptions of stuff
      • Cal’Eer
        • I LOVE this guy! As soon as I met this guy, I loved him. He’s great, easily one of the best characters of the whole book. #Cal’Eer4ever.
          • Okay I’ll stop embarrassing myself.
        • Consequences
          • I won’t say what exactly happens to avoid spoilers, but I like how when Julian does something, there’s a consequence. They’re not absolved of any repercussions, which I think is important.

Things I’d Change:

  • Julian’s speech
    • With phrases such as “Ever since his research of the M-field reached a critical point of no return…” I was given the impression that Julian was an academic, yet there really isn’t a sign of this in how he talks. Now I’m not saying he should be refined in every But maybe throw a word here or there to help flesh out his speech, and show the extent of his education, and intellect, when he’s talking to people. [Probably more of people he meets, it would make sense to be less formal with friends and the like.]
    • For the scene where he meets Cal’Eer, instead of saying ‘“What the fuck are you?” he blurted out’, Julian could’ve gone with – “Hi,” Julian said slowly, leaning back while keeping his sword and shield raised towards the creature.
      Especially came up in a slow, non-aggressive manner, it wouldn’t make sense [For me at least] to blurt something out.
  • Some descriptors
    • So, there’s a scene near the beginning when Julian (without going into spoilers) is in pain. It would’ve been nice to see how this pain affected him as he tried to steady himself. Was it in a specific spot? Did it effect his movement? Was it sharp, dull, popcorn ceiling? A little detail like that can help develop the scene a lot.
      • And there’s a scene later on where his pain from a fight is described as liquid lightening, this is precisely what I mean. Two words were added, and it made the pain that much better.

Conclusion:

This is a really good dive into the LITRPG genre, and one I actually want to finish reading, which generally isn’t something I say about a lot of stories in this genre. [For the record, it’s more of a personal taste and not a jab at the genre as a whole.] Characters have different voices,


Summoner Legends : a Pokemon Inspired Xanxia/Progression Fantasy

So for this review, I wanted to list what I liked and what I'd change for the story. Overall I liked it a lot, more so than other stories within this vein, and thought it was well thought out and presented to the reader.

But without further ado, these are my more detailed thoughts:

What I Liked

  • Showing over telling
    • When telling it’s short, to the point and not a sharp pivot away from the story.
  • Love the dialogue
  • Excellent description of characters and actions
  • Nice chapter ending (good cliffhangers to encourage the reader to continue)
  • There’s a scene in Chapter Three I particularly liked:
    • No spoilers, but it showed a character being humbled and actually taking the moment to heart and not simply moping and acting childish. There was some growth (at this point) and I liked that.
  • The duels between summoners
    • Pokémon never felt like there was a lot at stake other than bragging rights. So it’s nice to see there’s actual risk to the trainer/summoners in this universe.
  • Need for actual training.
    • I know this is heavily inspired by Pokémon, but I like that the student have to learn to both conjure a creature (as well as earn the summoned creature’s respect to be used) and use their summons in a fight.
      • Ash literally gets a Pikachu and just goes on his merry way, learning as he went. And it took him TWENTY-FIVE YEARS to finally win a tournament.
      • So it’s nice to see these students actually learning the ropes when it comes to this world.

What I’d do differently

  • Dialogue pacing
    • Draw it out a little more. It moves a little too fast from my point of view (strictly a taste thing)
  • A light streamlining of some descriptions:
    • Orig: One of the older disciples moved to the center of the hall to serve as a referee. She carried two shaded batons which she would use to declare a winner later. Master Ardan was black. Denschichiro was white.
    • Alt: One of the older disciples moved to the center of the hall to serve as a referee. In her hands were two shaded batons to be used to declare a winner, black for Master Ardan and white for Denschichiro.
  • Look for repetition:
    • “I summon the Minotaur, my Earth Summon; an ancient being as hard as rock!”
    • “I call upon the Minotaur, my Earth Summon; an ancient being as hard as rock!”
      • Not a major difference, but it helps with the flow.
    • Chapter Nine
      • Elm and Ardan – More father/son and less teacher/pupil [Possibly show the dad having trouble with turning the teacher mode off when talking to his son in private.]
      • Big Bad – I would’ve loved to see more of hints at the past here and there, instead of it being laid out entirely in this scene.
        • Have Elm see his father’s face and noticed the look of confusion and fear in his eyes.
        • Have the Big Bad hint at the last encounter with Ardan, piquing Elm’s curiosity.
        • And add that part of the world building to scene when Ardan explains to his son what happened, which allows for the rules of such duels and their view in this society to be seen here and not be told through prose.
          • Note – I did like the scene where Ardan talks to his son in Chapter Ten. It really showed him outside of the established character portrayal and showed him in a vulnerable state in front of his son.

 

Overall, I really enjoyed what I read, and would encourage anyone to give it a read and see what they think of the story. 

 


Revenge of Mages Book 1: The Staff of Runetizo

Like the concept, but the execution didn't hook me

Okay, so firstly, I got to chapter three of the work before I decided on my score. 

I'm not sure if the points I'll bring up are addressed later. But I felt that was needed before I dove into the review itself.

Firstly, I will say I liked the concept that the story was going for. And I did like how the two main characters were introduced into the "fish out of water" situation. 

But there were a few things that turned me away from the continue with the story as it progressed. 

The first point that I noticed is the pacing is, for the first three chapters, really fast. Especially in the first chapter, which I felt would greatly benefit if it was expanded to dive into why the two students are there, show us the event that got them in trouble, maybe have a bit of a chase scene to rack up the tension. 

Because a lot of the information is just put before me, it was harder for me to get immersed into the situation. 

Second, there is decent of telling the situation then showing us. Now, I'll be the first to say, this is a harder thing to do as opposed to simply saying it. And I'm guilty of doing it as the next person. 

Third, the dialogue is (for me) wooden. Though I will also say dialogue is HARD. It took me FOREVER to get it to where I didn't feel like mine was wooden anymore. 

That being said, this definitely is a narrative worth exploring, I just am of the opinion it could use some polishing. 

[And I also know that this book has been edited, which I haven't read yet. So I fully admit that all my points coul've already been addressed.]