I always love seeing a common trope from a different point of view. in every story, the MC somehow finds some lost inheritance and uses it to climb to the top. But what if that inheritance is your own?
Ah, I was kind of dissappointed from the Prologue, as the Synopsis pretty much covered the basics and then some. But it is a good source of trivia that might come up again later. It builds the world and introduces a side character that might come up again as well.
The content is short, but it's a prologue. Here's to ya!
Can't say much yet, since it just started, but the story feels and progresses like a traditional martial arts novel!
My only issue is that the story is full of xenophobic morons for now. Well, that and the 6 year olds that are left to themselves without supervision.
But yeah! Show those snobby people who's boss!
Where do I start?!
Oh yeah...I could follow the review format.
So, let me begin.
STYLE: A great LitRPG that is full of dark humor, mayhem, and poop slinging! The format of the story itself is easy to understand (BLUE WINDOWS) and I enjoy seeing how the MC progresses (BLUE WINDOWS). Oh, and there are several (A LOT) of blue windows. It really is a good thing trying to go that extra mile for the Reader to feel like they are in a game.
STORY: Now, this is where I have the most problems, even though I rated it so highly. Partly because I think I'm the only one who thinks this way. The MC is a douche bag (to put it lightly) and causes problems with others frequently. This means the MC has been used, taken advantage of, and stepped on. Even though he is some child of two of the most influential people on the planet, apparently. The MC is the main problem in the story, even going so far as to break the game's story! (MINOR SPOILER?) But that extends to this story itself. The only issues I see story wise revolves around the MC entirely. I will explain more later.
GRAMMAR: A+ my man, but not a 100. Still good though.
CHARACTER: Okay. So the MC is supposed to be the son of a power hungry mother and a conniving politician father. How could he stand to be dicking around? He fails at transactions, he fails at dealing with people, and he fails at being a person with a harsh past. He thinks on the subject but it doesn't really affect his judgement, just his actions. Being broken is a mental issue, one that takes a lot more effort than just breathing to deal with. Some MAJOR SPOILERS ahead.
So he is a person who killed his parents and his favorite person. Okay. But why still have an open heart? Oh, it's a game, he can come out of his shell since he's looking for a wife. No, that's not how this works. He blames himself for the death of his family and loved ones, so why does he try to remain a normal person? He would have been resorting to methods that meant him never coming into contact with another person or outright changing into a different person. Normally, the person would have found fault in his current self so he would change. He was wanting to be like his aunt, but that was an accident and his parents kept telling him she was wrong. Now, as a normal person, they would ask themselves what was right. They would doubt themselves and believe the words of those who tried to steer him away in the first place. What I am saying is, he should have been more like his parents in the first place, calmly analyzing his situation and getting as much as he can without antagonizing anyone else. But he makes all these weird decisions that no normal, logical, or even crazy person would do. Instead, the author has him do things in a way that breaks the story. Trying to understand a character's thoughts is something I do regularly and I can't help but to think that the MC is nothing more than a wild card with a mentality that adjusts to fit the situation. Oh, we need conflict, have the MC cause some shit. Oh, we need to save her, make the MC experience a flashback. It is hard to get a read on someone when their actions are so unpredictable. If you wanted an unpredictable MC, then something a little more...maybe say...brain surgery would fit better.
Other than that, we have ourselves a riveting tail of people who hate each other too much to let someone else kill them! Watch as a young man sets out to
find a girl beat a game!
The story hasn't started, but I already feel that I might enjoy it. Currently only has the prologue and first chapter.
Style: I can't say anything about this yet since it was just a block of text. The content was small and it was full of exposition. But not necessarily wrong. The author uses the omnipotent 3rd person pov to spread the knowledge of the world in a more believable way.
Story: The premise is something simple yet original. For too long has martial arts been crazy and out of control, disregarding the deeper process behind actual cultivation. Hopefully this novel will change that. Unfortunately, it seems like just literally dreaming of farm work will lead certain individuals making a breakthrough in their thought process.
Grammar: No major mistakes that were obvious. There was some capitalization issues here and there.
Character: MC is a kid who dreams of farm work and is only 3 years old right now.
Looking forward to it!
BTW, might want to change the Title if it gets too much. Maybe capitalize the major words. Or shorten the motto.
But for real, I think you have something going on here. Good luck.
*EDIT* looks like all of MommaG's other accounts showed up.
Yes, another reincarnation story. Nothing altogether special, but for those who like game elements and dungeons, This is a good bet. Unfortunately, the author is a beginner who relies too much on others.
The Style is slow since there isn't much to read each chapter. In fact, you could squish these chapters into one and barely call it an acceptable length.
Story seems cliche with reincarnation because of the MC's stupidity, the helper, and the random increase in stats. There isn't much here, so the story needs more progress before any more substantial criticism.
Grammar. The beast of this website. I have trouble even though I am a native English speaker. But surely those i's can become 'I'. During the notifications and whatnot, I don't think you need to interrupt with the MC's thoughts. Just another tidbit.
And finally Character. The MC will need some changeover from his previous life interfering here. He just pops right in and begins setting the dungeon up like it's no problem. Only someone who knew what they were doing would start making decisions without thinking. But the character hastily begins as if he already has a plan. Yeah, he goofs up, but it doesn't change the action itself. I would have personally picked Kobolds because of their fluffiness.
All in all, it's a decent start. I would just suggest a clearer path and a desire to spend more time on each action being performed in the story. Focus.
Thank you for your time.
Okay, so OP right off the bat. Don't lie to me. WORLD TURTLE? That is something someone finds towards the end of the game!
Hah...the style...is not there. The first chapter is all about him swimming? After eating godly plants? How is this like Re: Monster?!
The story seems nonexistent because he just swam to an island spending four months to do so. Nothing happened? He didn't meet anything else? Shouldn't be be surprised by this new WORLD?
Ok. Grammar. No commas. Plus the usual broken English that non native speakers have. These broke my thought process forcing me to think through several times what I just read.
Character? What character? This isn't a character, it's one of those massive meteors that are heading to destroy the planet. It serves as a cheesy plot device to introduce other characters and show off the strongest person around. I can sort of tell that this story will probably feature other character's POVs and not center around the MC.
Why? Because he's boring.
Thank you for your time.
so I actually read the second chapter. And now he has the ability to become human in an instant. Wow. No more turtle. Oh and he married a goddess no questions asked. Totally believable that a goddess would marry a turtle out of the blue. Well, it's probably because he's OP AF!!!
BTW, what do you mean, no sudden power ups? He gets a new OP something or another every chapter! There's not going to be major obstacles, it's going to be MC trying to not destroy the planet!
I know the story just started, but i figured having a detailed review now and editing it as the story goes will make for an easier time.
Style: definitely trying to be funny. With stories like these, however, the style can be too all over the place, causing mass confusion.
Story: first chapter is an info dump. I kinda skimmed through it, because it seems like info that may come up again later. Pretty important stuff, yeah, but not to the MC. Why would he care?
Grammar: buddy old pal old friend, get yourself a grammar checker like Grammerly. There is a free version with some limited use, should be good enough to dot those i and cross those t.
Character: story just started, can't say much. But too many times, a pervert has no place having a harem. Do NOT add a harem for this guy.
There is quite a bit of little grammar mistakes, and the pace is a little wonky with the MC doing whatever he wants, but with only 6 or so chapters right now, I can't say that there is no purpose. Will continue to read, and hope that the confusing world nonsense will make sense soon.
*EDIT* As of Ch 13, there is many little moments that just make you giggle and the viewers are a blessing to hear from as well. There are still some hiccups like plot, although it's unnecessary as of right now. He is just living life in a new world. The other characters can be a little confusing with their immediate change in personality. But all in all, it's a good read that takes a little getting used to. I would say slap a slice of life tag on that bad boy, and you're good.
**EDIT** As of Chapter 20, i have recieved PMs to update my review solely because the story 'flops' around chapter 16. Yeah, it goes a little bonkers. The story jumps right into the meat without even looking at the fat. An event will have more effect when built up to it. Otherwise, your audience will be confused.
***EDIT*** so we reach the first milestone. It turns out that even if the MC wanted to be lazy, the Gods would just involve themselves, keeping the plot going at buzz lightyear's preferred speed of moving through space. Because the story went so fast, character development was practically nonexistent. There's too many twists and turns, so the reader begins to just grow numb to the entire experience. I am all for description and here there is none. MC went here, MC beat up these people, MC got pervy here. Not a lot immersion. When i think of a story, i want to be there. See the things the MC sees. Be a bit more graphic, say that those curtains are blue, or that those enemies need new hairdressers.
But onto a seperate matter. This review is not some 'i did it because they asked' thing. I did it just because i happened to be here to shut people up. Don't go out of your way to tell people how to review. I still read the story, and enjoy it. But there seems to be trolls who down vote every positive review on here. Don't try and bother me like that. I won't respect people who do. We have our own opinions and everyone is entitled to them. If a person likes the story and gives it five stars, that's on them. If it happens to be .5 star, that's also on them. The down voting and up voting are also opinions. But when you come to me saying i should change my review, i might snap a little. Just saying. Have a good day.