AdvonKoulthar

AdvonKoulthar

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Reviews
marine (TRANSFERED)

This is so bad I love it, no capitalization, no quote marks whatsoever, absolute nonsense for a 'plot'. It's very existence is a blessing.

 

Still awful.


Falling Star of Evolution

I admit I'm only around 10 chapters in. It seemed like I should read more since everyone thinks this is 'so great', but in the end I couldn't push myself further than that. The grammar is okay, the story is mediocre but isn't intrinsically bad, the style is meh, but decent.  All these things I could tolerate, and would make this a 3.5-4.5 star fiction.

But then there are the characters.

I don't know how often I've felt literal pain from reading dialogue, but this is one of them, even if it comes from cringing so hard my neck starts to hurt. It isn't noticeable at first, but if you read for a while you start to realize how wooden everyone works. Tropes are fantastic, however these characters seem made to fulfill their role, and only their role. Their actions read like a sociopathic hermit with access to a large variety of literature wrote them; the hermit has read that people act in certain ways and in the stories they fulfill certain parts, but in the end doesn't know how to make up characters and just kind of copypastas what they're supposed to do.

 

Since the story is quite character centered, despite the mediocre to potentially excelling other elements, it bombs. If you can handle reading about strange humanlike beings that act in not exactly human ways, then this might be okay for you. I do not recommend it.


Different World along with One Piece System

 I see what you're doing here ;)

Well it is better than the Naruto system one, considering things make at least some sense. I mean, it's not top kek, but this is just writing for casuls isn't it? GJ, 5/7.


Domineering Frog King

 It's the beginning, but to me reviews are more important than follows and whatnot. It's a bit soon to judge too thoroughly, but so far, it looks like the quality is 3.5 star, though you may find the direction and hone your talent later. Two main points

1.  RE: titles are crap, unless they're being tongue in cheek. Since the MC is a frog, I sense a little bit of that, but if you want it to be more serious, I'd suggest changing it. A little bit of levity is acceptable, but the title, as hard as it is to come up with a good one, shouldn't remain like that unless you go full parody.

 

2. Wait, where did qi come from? The prologue sounded like the world he came from was modern with no mention of qi. I love cultivation and xianxia, but that was a bit sudden in the first chapter. You should retcon one or the other.

 

For me, 2.5 stars is something I would recommend. 3 is okayish. I gave you an additional half-star because it's early and probably won't end up terrible. The flow is a bit odd, but grammar and spelling are fine, so you either spent enough time checking your work, or aren't terrible at english. GJ broskie.


Legendary Cultivating Dragon Assassin VMMORPG in Another Life and Another World (with Time Travel!)

‘Woah, you're taking this too seriously guys, it's satire man, SATIRE.' So some people seem to realize, but such is not an impenetrable shield against criticism. This is still a blight upon language, but I'll give it 1.5 stars for at least trying to mock common tropes. (I rate with 2.5 stars being recommendable, and good stuff is about 3.5)

That  is a generous rating in my eyes. While there are many sorts of humor that can be found in poor writing, My Immortal, Eye of Argon, and the not-bad-but-absurd HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, this doesn't meet the standard. It may poke fun at terrible spelling and grammar, but the author should remember that there is a reason that such things are important and such an easy target in criticism. They are mind-numbingly simple, and their absence destroys any sort of flow. Any comedy this work tried to convey was lost in that horrific jumble of characters, sticking to the occasional goffick, homophone, or misused punctuation would have been obvious enough without destroying the ability to get into it.

As for actually mocking conventional writings, I suppose the title and description aren't too terrible, but the fact you imitated a terrible writing style wholeheartedly was shooting yourself in the foot. You really only include as many tropes as possible in a weird way, but it fits together less as an absurd comedy, and more as just a list of events.

This wasn't a terrible idea on your part(and you got plenty of reviews), but it didn't pan out well stylistically. If this is just a whimsical project of yours keep at it, I guess. But if you want to know more about real absurdist comedy....
OUR LORD PURPLEEYESWTF HAS RETURNED, WATCH CODE MENT AND NONE PIECE.
PUNCH THE HOVERBOARD, EAT THE SWINGSET, I'M AT SOUP.


Forgotten Conqueror

This is the best thing on RR that I've seen. I wish we got to see a little more of the elemental lords' personalities(Hasen is the best), but there is nothing I can complain about. Fantastic in all regards.


Savage Divinity

It can be described as meh

It's not poorly written, the grammar is good and all, but the story and characters? It's like trying to become emotionally invested in a candy wrapper.

I'll admit I only made it to chapter 13, but other than the descriptions there's not much going for the story. There isn't much action or conflict, not much humor to take its place. I stopped reading minutes ago, and already I can only barely remember Rain's name, why do we care about him?

I'm trying to come up with constructive criticism, but other than the wordy pages, there's nothing to comment on.


The Immortal's Dice

Could use a little polishing, shows promise.

I'm making this review a bit after I read the chapters in hopes to get you to keep writing it. To keep your writing constant, try writing a chapter every week. Stories that are put out regularly have more appeal, and that long amount of time can help you build up some spare chapters for when you are less than inspired(or have finals).

Now for the review, note that I will read anything about 1.5 stars or higher, and 2.5 is my standard for recommending to other people. Good stuff is around 4.

Style: I mentioned style on one of the chapters. In general, the writing has good flow and is consistent in tone. There are occasions where it seems there are a series of paragraphs that will bounce back and forth between two topics. This still usually flows well, but can make the actual comprehension difficult. Dialogue is odd at times.

Story: You haven't gotten far into the story yet, but there is definitely something intriguing happening. If you have something planned out for the reason for the amnesia, or otherwise have a plot that involves it, it is very promising. I mark it only as 4 stars now, because there hasn't been much yet, and the prologue isn't particularly thrilling on it's own.

Grammar: The occasional misspell, weird tense or whatever, so it isn't 5 star. 

Character: Like the story, we haven't seen much with the characters yet. I rate it a little lower, because while the premise of the story far outshines any characters we've seen so far. There haven't been any major conversations other than those that serve as exposition, so that also probably lowers the evaluation a little more.

 

Finish those finals, and get back to writing! If you keep working on it, I definitely expect this story to become a good piece.


Friendly Neighborhood Necromancer

Greatest Author Ever, Praise the Sun \[T]/

I r8 8/8, would use dank mems and obscure references again m8.