Korst

Korst

197
Follows
65
Favorites
16
Reviews
6
Fictions
Reviews
Nero Zero

Levels give points that increase stats, but are largely pointless.

Zero may as well mean infinity in this interpretation of things.

Characters seem to gain a random stat every level, the protagonist doesn't have levels and instead somehow gains stats at random. Levels don't do anything, it's all about the stats, so level zero may as well be infinity.

Sorry, not sorry, but that's both cool and infuriating. Cool because it mean we've got a soon to be OP character and a good stomping is always fun, but infuriating because the synopsus is written in such a way as to lead the reader to thinking that there will be a struggle of some kind before reaching greatness. Instead we have what we got, a magical imediate deep friendship with some random person, a protagonist who essentially doesn't have a level cap, and a story that really doesn't do a good job of introducing it's character, describing the world, or follow any disernable plot. The quality of writing leave much to be desired, although he grammar and spelling at pretty much fine. 

While there are a lot of issues the story might be enjoyable if the author started from the begining and structured their story properly. If you're going to have an OP protagonist, then work from the begining with that in mind. If your protagonist is supposedly some unlucky guy who everyone thinks is going to fail, then your story has to work up from that point; you have to structure your story around the idea of reaching that point and the uncertainty of ever reaching that point. It isn't just about having a problem one chapter and then solving it or making that problem irrelevent in the next chapter, you need to build an entire character arc around solving this problem, if not multiple arcs. If the author just waves their hand and suddenly it's not an issue anymore, then that ruins the mood of the story and rips the reader out of their immersion.

If you're going to have a friendship be integral to the story then you need to develop it. Regardless of it's starting point you need to convey that these characters are friends. Whether their friendship is just staying out or they've been friends for year, you need to convey that to the reader. Friends can form in a moment and can last a lifetime if we're lucky, but in a story you need to really work on that friendship between characters if you want it to seem genuine. Most stories can get away with have waving a friendship into existance, but you need to give context. As far as I can tell, and I admit I skim read, there was the protagonist and then there was suddenly another character and then they were suddenly friends. No explanation, no talk, just friends and then they're suddenly teammates. I probably missed a bunch, I feel like I missed a character arc or two, but that's how it came across in my read.

Admitedly I get it, wirting is hard, writing around a plot with a clearly defined destination and goal is harder, conveying emotion to the reader is even harder, developing your character is even harder than that, forming bonds between your characters is excuciatingly hard as well. Glossing over a few of those whenever they aren't directly relevant to the story or plot is fine, glossing over all of them in favor of do-nothing dialog is not.

I gave up writing for a few years, because even if I loved it I was struggling to adapt my writing style in a way so that I could get better than I was. I'd been writing whatever came to mind, letting the story go wherever I mind decided to take it, riding the wave of inspiration by the seat of my pants and burning myself on the flames of creation. That was fun, and it was what I loved most about writing, but it wasn't good writing. And I wanted to write better, so I tried, and I failed, and then I gave up. Eventually I came back and realized that I actually liked doing things properly the first time, which was why I'd been so frustrated before.

Basically, doing things well is hard, but so much more rewarding once you figure out how. You can do it, you just have to try and push through the frustraiton. It gets easier the more you do.


Echoes of Rundan

Exposition, more exposition, and oh look... even more exposition

Okay... it's not quite that bad. But there is a lot of information shoved into the readers face for no apparent reason. Yes, it's a game, we get that point by around the third chapter. Even if it is essentially isekai into a game world, the point that it is a game is hammered into the readers head for a good few chapters (I'm up to chapter nineteen and am still getting smacked on the head with it).

One of the really big issues I have with this story is that it takes just so long for things to get started (Again, I'm up to chapter nineteen, which if we take the number of pages and divide it by the total number of chapters (which is 43 at the moment) and then multiply it by nineteen we get 125.9302-blahblahblah pages (which is likely an inacurate number of how many pages are contained within those first nineteen chapters, but a good way of giving a sense of perspective on the issue) of exposition and start up). I'm not even going to comment on the power of atterney stuff and how rediculous that is, or any of the stuff with how Monsoon selected and screened their beta testers, or the whole thing with the protagonist's 'friend' essentially using the friend card to throw them under the bus. Nor am I going to mention any number of other things or issues that I might have with the things that occure in this story.

What's really important is that there is no hook, there is nothing that hooks the reader in and makes them want to continue reading. I'm nineteen chapters in and I just don't want to read anymore. Not just because I'm bored, but also because I'm not invested in finding out what happens next. 

The initial interaction with the protagonist and their friend that eventually leads to them participating was a hook in a way. However it was a hook that lacked any barbs and the reader eventually slips off as things continue to not happen. Even getting to that point took far too long, the story should have started with the hook and then lead into the character building, which then led into the main event (which is whatever is supposed to kick off your story and make things happen). All in all it took far too long for the story to get started, and if I'm reading these other reviews correctly still won't get started until around chapter 24; which for the record, is something that took far, far, far, too long to happen.

I'm going to continue reading, but I'm stuborn like that and I don't give up on a story until I'm completely and utterly disgusted with it. Luckily this story isn't at that point, but all the information being thrown at the reader is making my tiny and fragile brain hurt; so please, spare me.

Now I'm gonna go and take some painkillers, lie down for a bit, and then come back to this. Because there is a good story here, I can feel it. It's just hidden underneath all the dry skin, scales, and exposition.

In conclusion, you've gotta dig deep to get to the meat of this one.


The Devil in White: An Awakened Aspirations Online Series

Edit: 17-08-2019

This is really good. I've only read up to rise of shadow fall so far, but I'm hooked. The characters are well written and interesting. Amelia the protagonist might not be the best fighter or the smartest person in the room but that's part of her draw. I genuinly want to know more about her and her story.

I'm going to be honest, I came into this expecting another two dimensional virtual reality, litRPG with nothing going for it and was thankfully surprised. This is really very good and I want to read more.

------------------------------//

Edit: 18-08-2019

The story started out good... and only got better from there.

At the moment I just finished reaidng everything that was available at this point in time, meaning I've read up to Vol. 1 Epilogue: E******** Amelia. This story has been an absolute joy to read and masterfully written. I think even the most grumpy of critics would have trouble finding something that they dislike about this story.

In my honest opinion this story is currently up there at the top with Worm on my list of favorite web novels. I fully recommend that people read this. Even if you don't like the virtual reality or litrpg genre I almost certain you'll still be capable of enjoy this. Because the story isn't written with the usual pitfalls they fall into. In honesty the story is written more like a traditional fantasy epic and is all the more engaging a read for it.

If you're not sure whether or not you want to read this, give the first few chapter a read and then decide. Just give it a go and see for yourself it's something worth reading.

I just finished reading so once I've had a bit of time to think on thing and settle down I'll expand this review with an advanced review. Probably after I've had time to reread it one or twice, of course.


Antithetic: Spire of Wonder

I don't like being that guy that says they hate everything about a story but... there is no direction here. When it comes down to it the story is character is mysteriously teleported to another world, they pick a direction and then sh-stuff  happens to them. While that can be interesting the over the top characterisation and aliteration, sound effects and random tangents that never get to the point are just too much for me to get interested. It isn't just that they're overwhelmin, they don't add anything to the story. I realize they're probably some form of an attempt at characterization. But there are better ways of going about that than giving us the entire first chapter(By that I mean the prologue.) where the protagonist essentially rants about how much they objectivly suck as a person, and then dies randomly. It's obvious the author is enthusiastic and that's good. But that enthusiasm needs to be controled and properly directed to make a proper story that doesn't feel like the authors gushing out whatever comes to mind without any sort of thought towards a plot or the structure of their story.

Who knows? Maybe the author gets better. There are only 10 chapter at the time I made this review so it's reasonable to assume they'll get better if they continue writing. At the moment however the only good thing I can say about this is that the grammar is good and things are properly space out not all bunched together like someone vomited word salad onto the page. So that's good.

When it come down to it I'm giving half a star because there was obviously no forethought put into this. If there was there either wasn't much of it or they needed a second opinion. The beginning was rather irritating to read and nothing happened in the first chapter, which is where you really need to set your hook to drag people into the story.

Regardless of how I feel; I have confidence the author will get better as they write, and I hope that in future they are willing to control their enthusasm and make something wonderful.


Re:Hammer

Cuz I em Rertaurderderid

I really want to like this, but I can't. Just reading this gives me a headache. "Lol bcuz I cn" is a pretty accurate description for the Warhammer end times, and for this as well. Honestly it's not even the game system that annoys me, it's just kinda really super annoying to see an author blather on about stuff for the entire "prologue" and every now and then in chunks each chapter afterward that makes absolutely no sense to someone unfamiliar with warhammer, and then expect people to follow along. You might as well have been speaking another language there for all the sense it made, if I'm being honest. Then again I'm just complaining because I'm in a bad mood so screw me.

Anyway, there are issues with formating here as well. Those could be easilly fixed but have been left to fester for the lulz or someting? Nurgle and all that, let it rot and grandpa will take care of it or something. It's still really annoying to try and read through when the dialog is all bunched up and the paragraphs are spread out with double spacing for whatever reason.

This is probably pretty good, but the formating and unfriendliness to readers that aren't familiar with a truck load of Warhammer Lore that doesn't even matter anymore is what kills it for me.


Digital Marine

Suspension of Disbelief Required, or not?

Now I'm going to start this by saying that while this story is inherently unrealistic, and there are many people saying just that; there is a grounding in reality that can be found here. The military in this story is more of a systemized form of mercinary corp hired by the collective governnance of human colonized planets as far as I can tell. By large the military seems to act as it's own entity in all it's military endevours, accepting contracts and carrying out military action on behalf of the collective governance of humanity.

Now things get weird very quickly with the introduction of game-like elements in to the sudo-military styled mercanry corp structure. This too can be explained in some way as having a basis in reality. One of the few things people don't realize about the military is that one of the biggest and most important aspects of it is desensitivity training. Of course they don't call it that, obviously. It's "conditioning" to prepare you to act in a stressful situation, like combat. More often than not this is slipped in everywhere it can fit to turn soft pudgy civilians into hardened trained killers. This game-like aspect can be explained away as part of that part of their training that evolved over time to encompus the entirety of the sudo-military styled mercanary corp structure. This continues further into the majority of missions being carried out as simulations. If that were the only thing being offered them I would have assumed we were rolling in on an Enders Game type situation where it was all actually real. However it's been stated in the story that real-life missions are an option, so it's safe to assume that this isn't the case.

Moving back to the desensitising aspect of it we've already seen this to some extent with the third boot camp mission the protaginist undertook. Their mission was to clear out suburben homes in a suburben street like enviroment as far as can be extrapolated from what little was described of the enviroment. They entered each house and cleared it of occupents. Said occupent came in the form of people who either tried to run, hunker down in their house, or were in one case an elderly man caught on the toilet. A dispassionate reader will look upon this and ask, "So what?"

Now, maybe it's just a simulation? Yeah. But they were civilians or self stylized militia being sytematically neutralized in their home. There wasn't some kind of object for them to secure, they weren't taking out some group of people carrying out some secret plot or even to gather information. The protagonist and her team were there to kill the people living in their homes and nothing else... and none of them gave it a second thought because it's just a simulation and their objective says they should kill these people. 

So think about that for a moment, and there you go. Desensitisation training at it's finest. It's pretty low key, am I right? You barely even blinked an eye while you read as they ruthlessly murdered all those people, right?

This is a well written story, with a good premise that was so good it apparently went over a bunch of peoples heads. Tops to the author for being a varitable genius.

The characters are believably human, though no one other than our lord and saviour JESUS and Freya really standout much. I haven't noticed any outstanding spelling or grmmatical errors, then again I'm terrible at that stuff. The story is outstanding and the writing is concise, and devoid of needless exposition. The way it is written makes it clear despite it being written from a third person perpective that protagonist is Freya. That this is a story about her and the life she lives as a digital citizen on board a warship called the Monarch. When it gets down to it--it is a fun sci-fi sudo-militanry styled mercanry corp adventure through a hypothetical government funded game-like militarized mercenary system. Unrealiztic and yet based in reality with it's methods. Real-world military has done stranger things and made it work in the past. A thousand years from now I cannot with all honesty say a system similar to this won't be in effect if it became nessisary. Limited resources and funds would make a digitized military training facility where soldiers can train in a variety of situations and without casualties at the low cost of maintain a server farm and some super computers a hot comodity. In a distopian future I could very well believe something like this could be used in a thousand years to cut costs on maintaining an effective galaxy-wide military presence.

Keep it coming because I can barely wait for more.


Isekai Speedrun

Meh, I thought this was something else.

Not exactly an speedrun without exploits, the name is misleading. A fairly standard unoriginal isekai with a grimdark theme layered over the top. I know about, like, two isekai stories that actually use the glitchy game logic the isekai world is based around. Which is funny because the author wanted to be original by being even less original than doing something interesting like that.

Anyway I'm sure it's great, this just isn't what I thought it was or even wanted to read. Grimdark can be fun, but sometimes it just makes me want to scream.


Dungeon Core/Realm Heart

Maybe I'm just used to... well, things happening? I read till chapter nine and as far as I can tell the MC sat around and drew on the walls. What little character divelopment there has been so far has been inane and small. We know more about the sprite lord than we do about the MC. The sprite lord is apparently strong, a great leader to his people, somewhat naive despite being old and wise for the most part and he has a son. The Mc is some dude that got fatally wounded and showed up in front of a dungeon core somehow before becoming the dungeon core... somehow. From what little character development there has been for the MC, which is practically none for nine chapters of him sitting around, he is something of an idiot, kinda a tool and socially retarded in the same way that most characters are in most cultivation/xianxia or whatever stories.

Reading this was very simply not fun and I regret spending the time sitting down to read this. The chapters are short, the chapters are boring, the characters all feel like standins for real characters and for a dungeon story there has been no dungeon building that I as a reader can see.


Sod's Law (Dropped)

The negative luck thing was funny at first but... the cooky-sillyness of having the bad luck somehow work things around so that it doesn't just end in the MC's imediate death kind of gets to me after a while I guess. I guess I was just hoping for something different when I started reading this and should have just stopped when the -500 luck came into play.

That said considering how the MC is still very much somehow allive I think it would be more accurate that say the MC has 500(positive not negative) luck and that trait that makes everything go horribly wrong. It just doesn't make sense otherwise how this hasn't ended in a tragedy and is somehow instead a fairly silly funny/not-funny comedy.

All that said it is very well written most of the time and probably enjoyable for people that aren't me.


Would you please become the Demon Lord? (COMPLETED)

Sytle

The writing is engaging in it's own way. The author has a way of making you feel engaged in the story and follow along with it. It could use a lot of work, but it's at least interesting. I still don't know what a dirt grandson is supposed to be however and highly doubt the author's main language is english.

Story

The story is based upon a standard summoning setting. The standard setting of an overpower main character coming to an under developed world that relies heavilly on magic is also upheld. The only real twist this time however is that the MC is the demon lord, increadibly stupid and ignorantly blackhearted. There is also a sub plot of the demonlord being a figure head to unide humanity and supress the other races. Not an englightened work, but it has it's moments.

Grammar

As I said, I highly doubt the authors main language is english. The grammar is poor more often than not. However there are times that sentances managed to make a degree of sense. It's mostly during these sentances that most of the plot is shoved into the readers eyes. Don't expect proper wordings or sentaces whenever the MC is involved. Most of the content involving the MC is barely readable.

Character

None of them are likeable, it's a common problem that a lot of authors have. It's not even that you like you hate the characters, it's just that the character each feel lazing and quirky to an annoying degree. I can't say there a single character in this story that doesn't seem to get bored of a subject after a paragraph or two.

Overview

All in all? It's a mediocre story with a lazy author that seems to lose interest every other sentance. I advise against attempting to read this.