Cynical Stranger

This story follows the adventures of a normal guy in a parallel dimension similar to "the Planes" of DnD in lots of ways. He has the tedious task of maintaining a game-like leveling system put in place by an idiot goddess to stop the powerful inhabitants of the Underside from trying to kill each other all the time. It had me laugh out loud many times with ideas such as murderous demons venting their rage by going to the gym because they can't kill anymore. The chapters are pretty short as well so I see no reason not to check it out.

This story has a strong start. From the very start, I liked the creative way of giving exposition about the world of the story through the MC trying to answer a question on a history exam. I also like the chemistry between the brothers and it made what follows a lot more powerful. 

Well done!

I like the mix of greek mythology and sci-fi, pretty unique. I also like how descriptive your writing style is, paints a vivid picture in your mind. With that said, your paragraphs are sometimes a bit too long and tedious to read. Maybe you should split some of them into two smaller ones. Your grammar was perfect.

Overall this is pretty good.

Your writing is not bad and your grammar is almost perfect. With that said, I'm not a big fun of starting with a tragedy happening to the MC. Taking the time to know the MC better and get attached to them befor the tragedy hit, makes it much more impactful. 

*Spoilers*

The grandfather saying just some vague warning was really unsatisfying. Why won't he give something more useful with his dieing breath? 

You MC is not bad, and I do like him, but we needed more time to relate to him.

The prologue was well written until the end. The ending part of it did not make sense and turned the mood from depression to silly. The way you describe things is solid for the most part and paints a clear picture in the reader's mind. 

While I'm not a big fan of using a game-like system in a setting taking place in reality, I did like the reaction of the MC to his new predicament. It actually made me laugh out loud, and this time it was at a part that was intended to be funny.

Overall it is not a bad start.

This novel is pretty fun so far. I like that we see things from the cat's point of view. His flamboyant commentary is funny and entertaining. I also like the way you describe the characters visually. A bit more descriptions of the investments would help the reader paint a more clear picture of things.

Overall it is pretty good, gives me Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy vibes for some reason.

I will never forgive you for taking my glories bucket away. It may not be anything special, but it was mine. I even gave it a name. Ha? You want to know the name? Nope, you don't deserve to know her name. Yes, the bucket is a she and she was very beautiful. 

Don't judge me, it is very lonely in the room.

The start was good. I like the way you describe things, it paints a clear picture in the reader's mind. The characters seem interesting enough and I did want to know them better but then it just ended. The ending does not feel natural, it is abrupt and makes it feel like the story is not finished.

Maybe it was the point? That promising new relationship can abruptly stop with no good explanation, like someone moving to a new city? I feel like I'm reaching.

In short, it had a promising start but the ending ruined it for me.