Benjamin Connor

Benjamin Connor

Spirits Awakening

Overall, Its great. Solid bases and strong academic flavor. Easily read and plainly understood, yet iron clad in in the uncertainty of an underresearch field. 

Stlye, it seems a bit stagnant, like the story is carrying a boulder around with it. That could because of the main Character moping about. Or the academia teid into the story. Ehh, well see. 

But it does defintly sound smart. Wouldn't surprise me if there was an actual thesis behind this somewhere the author was quoting from. 

Grammar: These forigen guys type better than I do, Not bad. No glaring mistakes and a solid lexicon to boot. 

Story: Still to early to tell, at the time I only have access to about Five Chapters. But there is a direction and I could make a guess as to were it might end, but I reserve such opinions for myself and await the author to decide the outcome of such events. It would be a shame to push a bad ending when we've only just begun. 

Character: Again, Early in the story, not much to say at this point except for the fact that is very much trying to distance himself from a bad relationship. And while that sounds depressing, it is. And colors his view in a rather gray light, contrasted by the thrilling mystery that is the Unknown, aka The Spirit World. 

So we'll see how that changes things. But it looks to be setting up an interesting story arc for him, all that needs to be said now is...

Play on good sir, I will see you later on. We'll talk again there.

It's too early for anything harsh or deep at this point. And I think it would be innapropriate any way. To smother such a babe in the cradle is a terrible sin. And one I will not have on me. So, I shall instead shall take my leave, and watch this one grow for a while.  As many have before me. 

So keep pushing, And I'm sure this will be interesting. Magic always is after all

A Pirate's Life for Mei

First off, Hats off to you. 

This was an amazing adventure and a Great Start to what will Undoubtedly become a new Favorite on this site. Amid the ranks of Beware of Chicken and Many others. Mei was a delight. Strong but also Compassionate. A perfect blend of Open heart and Iron will, She will go far in this story. 

The First few Chapters. Bold and Beautiful.  A great way to establish the stakes and the Rules of this universe. the Backstory flows into the Mainbody nicely and the Explosive finish was great. You made a promise and kept it. She Escaped the Boat and dealt her vengeance.  

Next, we take a Breather, which was a lot to swallow all at once. But it didn't tread water either. The struggles of survival in the Caribbean Isles along with the paranoia of capture are excellent but not so intense that we fall over. Not to mention the Jaguar and a peek into how the Prison world is run. 

Next, The Island Cannibals. Sorry if I'm spoiling anything. But I will say this, You went from Terror in the Jungle, to Tragedy and Sympathy, with butter smoothness. You revealed the Humanity and Inhumanity of such a setting by playing with perspective and with Real Life lore of these places. Introducing New Friends and Future Enemies in the same stroke. Juxtaposing them against outward Perceptions and Complex reality.  Congrats Man, People are gonna cry when they read this. 

THE RAID, Ouiff, Where to begin.

Explosive Bookends. Amon the Baker, and Duel for the ages. Framed with Cannon Balls and Clashing Blades. Utterly outmatched, yet Clever and undaunted. There was no reason to doubt this would be great, as Climaxes Go, I can only think of one other that can match this. And you Well deserved that comparison. 

Taste Explosion!! is my new favorite phrase. 

One thing I will say going forward is Where are the Priests. The Church never misses a chance to preach to a captive audience like this. Especially the Catholics.  A Prison Preacher would certainly want in on this setting. Food for thought. 

Second, I eagerly await the further development of Juan, Armand, Lance, and Chitto. There is some heavy backstory in there, but it doesn't matter, New Day and all that. I can't wait to see what they become. 

Lia, Ah, Lia is a treasure. Almost a spitting image of Mei, but not nearly as tempered by the world as she is. Her idolizing Mei is admirable, even if she doesn't quite understand what's going on. That aside. She is very much Young and impressionable. Her journey is just starting. And I can't wait to see where it takes her. it's gonna be wild watching this Carib Warrior blossom into something truly legendary.

 Your Villians, Captain Fowler, Odessa, and The Governor. Three unique men, Three unique challenges. Fowler, A stand-up man, truly Honorable and Loyal. Respectable in all things. And that is where the Challenge lies. He's entirely too loyal to the Broken system that abuses him and the prisoner under his care. You do care for him and his struggles, A Rock and a hard place. Reality and Duty, His rivalry with Mei is thematically perfect. And Framed in a sort of begrudging respect. He'll be her greatest Enemy and Ally in the days to come. 

Odessa and the Governor, The Exact opposite and the Worst of Both Worlds. I could not have asked, for more obnoxiously evil villains. A cowardly turd who wastes his time on sexual pleasures and throws tantrums, his power flows from the system and its broken state, making him a fitting avatar for it to inhabit.  Perfectly done, can't wait to see his grim destiny. 

Odessa, the Exact Reason, prisons exist.  A creature of such malice and self-centered intent as to be not a man, but a monster. Killing merely for pleasure and sport. While was the mask of human qualities. The Counterbalance to Mei's Freedom and the Proof for Fowlers punishing Order.  

Both villains serve a purpose. To act as the arguments against both sides. Fowler is right in wanting to keep men as Odessa locked away, while the Governor is the epitome of the corruption Mei has sworn to overcome.  Fowler is in a happy middle, he knows his loyalties, but is willing to accept when things must change for the better, but also what needs to be rejected. Mei is this noble aspect of Freedom and self-Realization. Promoting the idea that people can be better if given a chance, that the Past doesn't control you. 

Fowler and Mei are both right, from two different angles. And this story is going to test just how far that goes. This clash of ideals is going to be the engine behind the entire story and its conflicts.   

As for the Grammer, eh, don't sweat it. You left some odd ends here and there. Nothing serious. You do well for a Second language, honestly couldn't tell the difference until you told me. 

So, in Finality, A Pirates Life for Mei,

Gets all of my praise. It is a wonderfully made, Bold, beautiful fiction. Your attention to detail is excellent. Your setting is sublime, and you have an enviable team of editors helping you out. And if you don't, then Hat's off even more so. there is an unbelievable amount of hard work going into this. And it is worth every drop. 

Tyme Flies when your Having Rum me' boys,

Tyme Flies when your Having Rum.  

Making of a Gentleman

It's a little broken, but it's got Heart.

Now, hear me out. These Progression stories are hard to pull off right.

I don't blame anybody for that fact, there's lots of promise here, but also problems

Grammar. I too have suffered from bad Grammer and actively use programs to help me edit my works. But Dang Son, You have a lot of work left in that regard. And I realized you published this book in under a week, Impressive work really, But take this next week or so to Iron out these wrinkles, Really lean on'em. 

Also, your Prelude is a Philosophy debate, Not cool dude. Brings down the mood for the entire book. Also, everybody talks like their giving a speech in a Mandarin Court. What's going on there?

  I will applaud you for the effort of the Redemption Arc. It's good to see, but I'm sensing a disconnect between Reward and Punishment here, At least in the first chapters. Kinda has this sense of "Okay, how does he screw up?" or "Is this a Trick?" 

That makes sense for somebody starting, but I feel it's not used right. I don't know, The Balance is off somewhere and the Rewards started feeling fake. I'm sure you'll spot it once you look for it. 

Were All about Self Improvement here, Right? 

Look, You got a good thing here, But, the Execution leaves much to be desired. These should be mostly internal drama, personal trials are difficult, and I feel that doesn't get across. 

After that, well. I'm just confused as to what these DEVATA clans are supposed to be. Your Story is about Morals and Finding Virtue, and these guys are running around saying "Oh, It doesn't MAtter"  and "Same side of a Coin" such. I know you set them up as the antagonists, but It sends mixed Signals throughout the rest of the piece. 

Okay, I think that's everything. That I could find in under 10 chapters. You got your work cut out for you buddy. I'll check back eventually to see what changes, take your time. 

The Object

There isn't much to review here yet. But, 

I like what I see. 

There's a clear scene of what is happening, what is about to happen, and what might have happened. And it all plays with a sort of looming dread.

But I just can't look away, it's fascinating. There is more to come, but there is anticipation. Like the start of a pattern.  

While the text block would be easier to read if broken up a little, the story and its flow are fine. I'm guessing this is all being told, past tense for a reason, though where they are is also vague.

IT could be a therapist's office, a police station, or somewhere else. While I don't get to know the actors involved, it does put me into a position where I have to study the characters involved, because they may become unreliable. 

Which would suit the narrative just fine. Mystery is your friend here. Otherwise, we'd know what The Object looked like. 

More material will be needed, and I do hope there is more to come. 

This looks to be the start of something, Strange. 

And I for one, have a taste for the strange.   

Happy writings, 

Red Mist

A nice little fantasy novel that I'm glad to have found. 

The setting is cherry and cozy, but also mysterious and expasive as you can realy tell there's more to the world waiting to be seen. I've only read about 3-4 chapters and it's already competing for my top favorite amoung this sites library.

The plot of a young mouse girl chosing her next stage in life is heartwarming and engaging. And the descions are not rushed but also exciting. The ability to place oneself in the stroy is excellent because of this, and I can relate well with Freya and her family as they try to consider what's best for the future.  

There is much more for me to see and experience in this book than I've already read and I'm excited to explore this in detail. The romance, intrigue and underlying themes are all setting up for welcome surprises and gripping twists. All in fairy tale stlye that makes it all the more charming. 

I stand by the score ratings that I've given this author and I wish greater success in the future 

Beware Of Chicken

Excellent content, very heart felt and exciting 

Can't stop reading, eagerly awaiting the next chapter. I use it as inspiration for my own stories, and I deeply enjoy watching side characters taking center stage in their own arch, while not over shadowing the story. They are the story and it flows perfectly. This book is what brought me to Royal Road in the first place, and now I'm writting my own novels here and I hope to join Beware of Chicken in the rankings