Gryphon10

Gryphon10

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Serpent's Herald

Amazing start to a great story.

I've only read to chapter 12, blah blah blah, you get the point if you read more than two reviews.  

Style: The prose is pretty good and the way the author conveys the setting makes me think that this is an actual world that could exist. The only real problem I have is that in the longer paragraph's, dialogue can be pretty hard to see.  Especially with dealing with Arn's actual thoughts.  I recommend italicising his thoughts when in a lengthy paradgraph so it can stick out a bit more.

Grammar:  No real problems here.  There was probably only two words that I saw were misspelled which is pretty great. 

Story:  The parts that I read feels more like a set-up to a story rather than a story on its own, and that actually gets me excited.  The way the story is set up brings up the political affairs of crazy rebels and a dystopian governement to the forefront.  The mystery of who is really in the right and the mystery of what the true history of the world is will probably what keeps me reading.  Amazing job there.

Character:  I can really only talk about Arn as a character since he's the only character with any amount of depth to him as of yet.  Not saying the other characters are bad, I'm saying that its too early to tell what they're really about compared to Arn.  

I'm guessing from what I've read that Arn is going to end up being the 'teenager caught between a rebellion and dystopia' type of protagonists.  Although that type of character has been done to death, especially in YA, that doesn't mean there isn't potetnial here.  If Arn focuses more on the mystery of the world and comes up to his own conclusion, rather than just listen to one side and says, "Okay I'm going with them," especially when both sides are shown to not be too trustworthy, then I can see Arn becoming an amazing protagonist.  It's also great to show how far Arn was with believing the inspectorate, no questions asked, as it shows what effect these types of governments put on their people.

Overall: Highly recommend to anyone reading.  It's got a great starting point, and I can see future chapters absolutely blowing my mind if the author can keep up this level of quality.


The Glint Spear

Amazing Story, Amazing Characters, just Amazing

I have read up to chapter 10, so take my review with a grain of salt as things may change in the future.  I love the idea, premise, and execution of how the story unfolded and I'm explain why through excessive detail.

Style:  The way the book is told is very direct and tells the reader everything they need to know without any big walls of text.  Despite there not being too much highly explicit detail, that doesn't matter cause this story thrives with the way it is told.  The majesty and beauty, not to mention horror, of the Spear is never lost and it only enhances it.  This just goes to show, that high detail and walls of text aren't too needed if the author knows what they're doing, which the author of the story sure does know how to create a scene.

Grammar: The only problem I've seen about the grammar was stared being starred, for whatever reason.  Otherwise it's a solid read with almost no grammar problems.

Story:  This is where the story shines the most and I love the way the setting was executed.  Lets get issues out of the way first cause I only have one.  My main issue is that the reader is thrusted into the story, as words like Glint and names of kingdoms are being spouted out with no explanation.  It took me a bit to figure things out, but I think it would've been better to at least explain what Glint is.  There's almost no explanation to what it is except power that is granted by the gods, and we don't get told that until a later chapter.  

Now for the positives.  The Spear itself is magnificent. The Spear is structured in a way that makes it to where the possibilities of the story is nearly unlimited.  The Spear is set up as a non-linear passageway, instead as interconnected rooms that change per every person.  One moment the characters can be in a living forest, then a room of flesh, until they make their way to a room with a statue dripping blood from their hands.  It's very much set up like how the Grand Line is in One Piece and it makes it to where, theoretically, it could last as long as the author chooses.  There can be as many rooms as the author wants, as long as at some point, it all connects to one final floor.  I love the way it is handled and will hope that itÅ› expanded upon more.

Character:  The two main characters, Al' and Mak' are an amazing duo. They are two best friends, a war vet and a former prince?  I think Maki's a prince, the story kind of insinuates that, but I could be wrong.  Either way they are an amazing duo who went through trauma and came together in order to live out lives that they wanted to without anyone else's interference.  They were thrust into a situation that neither of them asked for and are forced to deal with it or die.  The other characters that are introduced are also pretty interesting, but there isn't too much depth to them as of yet, but it every character shows promise to become someone's favorite.  

Overall:  Amazing story, best one I've read so far and something that I'll check up on from time to time.  I'd highly recommend it to anyone that asks.


Awakening: Prodigy

Amazing Idea with Great Execution

Okay I just have this to say.  This is probably the first story I read on the sight that has the best chances to become a real, physical release that becomes popular.  I read all the way through chapter 3.6 so my review will reflect that, so take my review with a grain of salt.

Style:  The prose is just remarkable to read.  Detail and time was put in to make sure that the readers can understand not only what is going on within the scene, but also what the characters think and do.  There are moments that doesn't really make it 5 stars, however.  Sometimes, in somewhat important moments, the prose and detail just leaves the scene.  For instance the game that William and the others were watching really wasn't explained to well, making the game feel kind of weightless and meaningless in the long run.  Other than that, style is an easy 5-star.

Grammar: There are some misspelled words and punctuation, but its not really noticeable.  I don't really have a right to speak on grammar either since I'm even worse when it come to grammar, so I just gave it a simple 4-star.

Story:  There isn't much thats happening currently.  As of right where I've read, the only thing thats happened was, Astral ate a demon, and William acts like an asshole, but otherwise its mostly just focused on worldbuilding which I enjoy.  I'm a big fan of well crafted worlds, and there was a lot of thought put into the worldbuilding and how the characters react to it.  It's also not one giant block of exposition, rather spliting each piece of worldbuilding among the chapters which is the most effective way to worldbuild in my opinion.  The world is built only when the characters interact with said piece of their world, giving a nice flow of information and story progression.  It would be 5- star, but I'm under the camp of nothing is 5-satrs unless it changes some aspect of how I view the world, and this is just standard, good story-telling, which is all a story needs to achieve to be seen as worthwhile.  Not every story needs to be the next Game of Thrones.

Character:  I only really want to talk about four characters.  Mathias, William, Astral, and Kendra.  Mathias, although I like his character, I have to admit he can be rather annoying.  He treats William like crap and only gives Astral special attention, and although the readers know why, its still really annoying to me. 

William is just as annoying, however.  Instead of trying to understand Astral and his father, he just has stupid childish outbursts.  However, my favorite characters in fiction usually tend to start out like that, as childish people that learns to harden up and mature through the cruel nature of their world.  Considering what world these characters are living in, I have no doubt William will follow some route of that type, and I'll enjoy seeing him grow up and become a better person.

Then Astral, and I don't really know what to say about her.  She seems kind of too strong at the start of the story, able to take on a threat that even Mathias, who is a master hunter, had trouble taking down.  Yeah she has her core, which I could guess is the reason behind her strength, but when thats not active I would rather see her with novice, or at the most, intermediate skill.  She seems to be the mystery protaganist, or more akin to the wildcard, especially in William's perspective.  Overall, I don't have too much to say.

And finally for Kendra, who is a sweet buttercup that should be protected.  I'd say out of all the characters that had more screentime than one or two lines, she is probably the most sympathetic out of them.  William and Mathias can kind of be annoying, and Astral has almost no agency, so I just stuck onto Kendra as soon as she came onto the screen.  Also I felt bad for her when she went through war flashbacks because William has no clue how to read a room, and blames the war vet for ruining the game when she begins to recount about the time when she saw all her friends die.  At least Astral tried to comfort her.

Overall:  I really enjoyed this and I have high hopes for where the author takes the series.  I'm really into character driven stories that follow an epic tale of grim and harrowing sacrifice, and this might just be the story that saciates my thirst.  I highly recommend for people to read the story, but if you're reading my review I assume you already have.


Chronicles of a Blessed Adventurer

So I've only read up to chapter 13 so everything I read will be up to that point.  I enjoyed what I read and I have high hopes for the story, but that doesn't mean there aren't issues.  I can see this becoming a 5-star story if the author can improve what he has and expand upon what I think makes it good.

Style - The perspective of the story is through third person omniscient and it keeps to that with no weird changes out of nowhere.  Overall, I got nothing to say about style cause it's probably the most consistent style I've seen.  Therefore this gets a good 5-star from me.  Let me preface this though, I'm not the biggest expert on the style subject, so I wouldn't look at this and expect me to be an expert.  I'm more o fan of other parts which we will get to in a second.

Grammar - The Grammar started out strong with powerful verbs and the sentences were layers pretty well and there were very little misspellings.  However, as I kept on reading, I noticed that the grammar came to a screeching halt in quality.  All of a sudden I had to begin reading sentences more than once just to understand what was even being said.  Now this has nothing to do with Terrance who's manner of speaking is meant to be weird and riddle like, but the actual sentences were somewhat of a mess.  I can only think of two reasons for this.  Either the grammar started out bad and the author decided to fix the mistakes later, or the author is not paying as much attention in their proofreads as they used to.  Either way the grammar needs real big fixing for the future.  Again let me preface this by saying I'm no grammar expert either.  My own story has awful grammar as well, but that doesn't mean I can't criticise grammar when it is obvious there's a problem.  

Story - The story so far has shown some promise with how it's set up.  There's not too much happening, but what is going on has been pretty interesting to read.  I'd say the story only truly begins once Rohl leaves the Panacea and begins traveling to Elmon.  However, there were some interesting tid bits I picked up on at the end of chapter 13.  For one thing, how did 5 people manage to take on an entire monster stampede by themselves, and from the way the whole fight scene was described the horde was nearly endless.  As Mimi is burying her sword in a wolves hide, how was she not knocked unconscious on spot.  She had to have been wide open for the entire time she was removing her sword from it's corpse, but it just seemed like the other monsters were standing around waiting for her to get ready to stick her skull in a goblin's skull.  Not to mention how could she move so freely in a horde of monsters.  They should have gotten surrounded and killed right off the bat.  I'd say that's the main issue with early mob fight's; they're really unbelievable if someone thinks too much about it.  Beyond that final fight, I'd say the story has a ton of potential as it goes forward.

Character - The character's are a mixed bag for me.  On one hand I enjoy them, but on the other they're pretty one note.  Rohl is the unprepared hero, Quill is the snarky and funny leader, I don't know much about Terrance except for the fact that he talks weirdly due to being surrounded by nature, Thaddeus is the badass, silent warrior.  The most egregious of them all though is Mimi. She is the main love interest and falls for Rohl immediately.  This is an example of insta love, which is a trope I despise with all my being.  Any time I see insta love in anything I just wince with pain at the forced chemistry.  I always wonder why not just make them a couple from the beginning, or at least add in a bit of believable leeway into Rohl and Mimi crushing on one another.  Then there's her personality.  That is it's hard to find it.  The characters point out that she's got a fierce and angry side to her, but she never shows it.  It's a classic example of telling instead of showing.  She killed a bunch of monsters, but so did the others.  The most likely idea of the author letting Mimi show us her rough peronality is with how the group got together and how she beat Terrance and Thaddeus single-handedly, but that doesn't say that she get's angry often, it just tells that she's strong.  Who knows, maybe the author actually showed the angry side to her later on and I'm just not there yet.  It's sad to cause I enjoy the hell out of amazing characters.  It could be this story just isn't for me cause it's plot heavily plot driven instead of having amazing characters.  There isn't anything wrong with that, but I do think that the characters should be much more memorable than they are right now.

I think the story has a lot of potential and there is some advice I would like to give.  

1: Improve the character writing.  This can be done by either letting the plot rest for a bit to give the characters a bit more personality, or by showing how each character acts or thinks during a certain event.  During the stampede fight, it would've been great to be in more than just Rohl and Quill's perspective.  As of right now, Quill is probably the most complex of the characters due to his behavior during the stampede fight.

2: Spend more time during the proof reading.  Keep a lookout of words you misspelled and sentences that sound weird.  What I've been doing recently is when I get to the proof reading part of writing, I copy paste my story to google docs.  Once I do that, I'd scan the story for any misspelled words and certain sentance issues.  Then once the issues have ironed out, I copy paste it back from google docs into Royal Road.  I hope the author gives that a try since by doing that, my story has been coming out better in the later chapters.

This is as much advice as I feel like I'm qualified to give out.  I do plan on reading more, and if any of my opinions ever change drastically throughout the story, I may edit my review and keep my thoughts up to date.  I may come off as a bit harsh, but thats because I can see the potential that this story has, and I want to see it shine brighter than ever.  


Flight of The Draykes

Pretty Great but Does Have it's Flaws.

Just a disclaimer before I begin the review.  I have only gotten to chapter 10 and so these will be my thoughts early on in the story.  I do plan on reading more since I've really enjoyed what I read so far.  I have no doubts that this story will become better and better the more I read.

Style - From where I am in the story there are some pretty large inconsistencies with how the writing is handled.  I can hardly tell if this story is supposed to be first, or third person because it switches between them so often it becomes hard to tell and it really throws me off whenever it happens.  I think the author means for this to be first person, but there are moments when we're supposed to be in Faust's perspective and it will just randomly be thrown onto another character.  For intance in chapter 10, Faust is running his laps then activates his warforce, then it randomly cuts to Alessia's perspective for a paragraph in third person, then goes back to first person Faust perspective.  A chapter where I think this was done right was in chapter 6, or maybe seven I have trouble remembering despite reading it literally minutes ago, but it was the chapter when Alessia was beaten by the bullies.  The author kept it first person, but just changed the perspective we were looking through.  Now I do have to say, I am not a fan of the way they showed the changing of perspective, with a line that said who we are looking through.  I am more a fan of when an author gives context clues in the situation to let the readers piece together which perspective we're looking through.  That's my opinion, however, and it is overall just me nitpicking of my personal prefrence.  One more thing about the style is about how dialogue heavy the story is.  There where moments when the narrator would describe scenes, but in normal situations the dialogue carries the chapter, and for a web novel its strange to see.  It's almost like looking at a script rather than a web novel where characters are given directions about what to do, how to behave, and what to say rather than a deep dive into a characters thoughts, feelings, and actions.  Again it's my personal preference and overall it still flows really well although it can be hard to tell who's talking at times because of the presentation.

Grammar - Honestly not to much to say about the grammar.  There's not too many misspelled words, the sentence structure is good, and it's set up to flow really well from paragraph to paragraph.  I'm not too good with grammar myself, so it would feel kind of hypocritacal of me to criticize other people's grammar.

Story - Now the story is where this really shines for me.  There isn't too much going on, but in my opinion the types of stories I enjoy the most are ones where it starts slow in the beginning to get people used to the characters then put them in harrowing situations later.  The power structure of Warforce also reminds me of power structures from shonen anime.  Yes I'm a weeb and I don't give a damn.  The power system is the thing that's gotten me the most excited about the story since the whole thing is set up with an endgoal in mind.  Faust and Alessia will become Wargod's, but because we practically already know this the readers can enjoy the journey they take to get there.  Unless if the author uses that expectation to their advantage and kills one of them, but again I wouldn't know.  There is an issue I do have to say about the story, but it ties in more to the characters, so I'mma go ahead and move on there.

Character - The characters are pretty standard, so far.  There isn't really too much to complain about since the readers are only just getting introduced to them from where I'm at, so there isn't much depth to them yet. However, there is one big issue I've been thinking about everytime I read this.  Why does Faust and Alessia, who are children, sound like they're adults.  Probably one of the biggest examples for this is that Faust, who is supposed to be six or so, knows what a sadist is.  How does a young child, at the age where he would barely know math and how to read in general, know what a sadist is.  Not to mention the way they speak really makes me forget their children from time to time.  Also the adults don't treat them like children either.  This wouldn't be a problem if they were aged up a bit, but they're ten and below.  Not to mention the fact that Faust understands practically everything the moment he's told it makes me think, "How can this six year old learn combat techniques on a dime, as well as come up with strategies and manage to run 32 kilometers, when apparently trained knights can barely run that, and he had his Warforce off for more than half of the run."  The characters are extremely unbelievable, at least Alessia and Faust are, and they're probably the weakest part of the story to me.

Overall - I really enjoyed it, but that doesn't mean its perfect.  I'm excited for what the author can do as the story keeps on going and hopefully he can improve his character writing, since I mainly read stories for amazing characters.  Again, all of this is just my opinion and I'm early on in the story, so take everything I say with a side of salt.  

 


The [Bookworm] Who Couldn't Read

Needs Work but has a Ton of Potential

Overall - It was an enjoyable time reading through the story and I genuinly want to see more out of this.  The reason I gave it 3 and a half stars however is because the story needs a ton of work.  

Style - The tone of the book kind of reminds me like the tones from T.V. cartoons like Steven Universe and Regular show.  By that I mean that one minute I was reading serious storytelling the next a joke happens in order to establish character.  I'm a fan of this type of storytelling since I'm a firm believer an entire story shouldn't have just one tone.  However, there still needs to be a balance and I would like to see more of that.  Style is lowered, however, is mainly because the start of the story.  If we're talking about the later chapters I would've given it a four star, but the first and second chapter was hard to folllow cause the structure was off in certain places.  The entire first chapter is a mess and I don't understand the point of specifying who's POV the reader is looking through when all the author has to do is say their name in a paragraph at least once.

Grammar score - This is the true main culprit of the story.  If it weren't for the lackluster grammar, I'd give the overall four stars and not look back but there's so much wrong here.  It's not unreadable, but its got a lot of issues.  I doubt the author didn't proofread since any author worth their weight does read their work before publishing, so I'm thinking it was oversight.  There weren't many spelling errors; the main thing is the punctuation.  There were so many sentences that needed a comma and there were instances when there were quotation marks placed in weird locations so it was difficult knowing when the dialogue began and ended.  It needs another lookthrough is what I'm getting at.

Story - There isn't much of a story yet so in the meantime its a 4-star for me.  The protaganist(Vesper) seems to just be trying his best to live a life which isn't much of a story, but in the right conditions, and what I've read, can lead into an epic tale.  I don't have much thoughts on the story aspect.

Character - The character's were by far the strongest part of the story.  Vesper's struggles to get anywhere in life in a system that makes free choice obsolete is pretty interesting to see.  The characters are fairly one note as of right now, but thats not a bad thing.  What makes a good character isn't the amount of layers they have, it's if you enjoy seeing their story.  I can say I've enjoyed the characters interact with each other and go about their daily lives.  I'd say the most surprising was actually making me think that Grunker, the goblin, isn't too bad of a character.  I thought I would hate him when he was introduced but his hyper and excitable personality makes it hard for me to hate him.

Would I recommend this story?  Yes I would, but that doesn't mean this story is perfect.  I can see the potential the story has and the lengths that can be reached as long as the author stays focused and learns from their mistakes.  I suggest going back to the earlier chapters when they have the time to fix a ton of the grammar problems and it could bring in more people that really cares about the grammar.