Luciferia

Luciferia

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Reviews
Tidal Lock

This is how VR should be done!

Review as of Chapter 20 - February 4th, 2016.

Overall

As a whole, I really enjoyed this. Coming from an MMORPG background, I found the characters and their organizations (guilds) relateable. Their actions and interactions are realistic for the types of organizations they represent.

Trigger-happy organization leader is totally my spirit animal, by the way.

First Impressions

First impressions are everything, and this is one of the areas that honestly could still use some refining. The first few chapters could use more character introduction, interaction, and development.

I think this is a side-effect of introducing so many characters at once. Because it's a VRMMORPG, there's an expectation that there'll be...well... A lot of people. Otherwise you don't have the "MMO" part at all.

The early chapters left me craving for me information about "who" the characters are. While some mystery regarding characters is good, we should have at least a starting impression of "who" people are upon meeting them.

This is completely understandable and a relatively easy fix; it could be done through descriptive paragraphs or inner monologue. Whichever works for the author.

Style

Thank Cthulhu - there's no status screens!

*cough* Ahem.

The writing style gets a big thumbs-up from me. It conveys what it needs to and I haven't really come across any style-related problems or confusion in 20 chapters. That's always a good sign.

There aren't too many or too few filter words and to be verbs in Tidal Lock. The author has hit that balance that so few people on RRL are capable of (including myself probably.)

Story

I'm giving this a 4.5 rating because, for me, there wasn't enough character information or interaction in the first few chapters. If/when ResonantIce decides to flesh those bits out more - my rating on this should go up to a 5.

Aside from shaky beginnings, the quality improved by a landslide in later chapters. Fewer errors, more descriptions, more feeling or "umph" behind the words used and sentences written.

This is one of those stories where not only can you see the characters and storyline grow through subsequent chapters but you can see the author grow as well. That's something I find really cool - and enjoyable.

Grammar

4.5 because let's face it - no one is perfect.

That said, I found very few errors while reading Tidal Lock. Grammar quality stands quite a deal higher than your average fiction on RRL, which is a nice change of pace.

The few errors I did find...well, I'm a good girl. I PM'd them to the author so he can fix them. This review would be way too long if I turned it into a proofreading session!

Character

I touched on this a little above.

It still gets a 4 because after the first few chapters all the character-stuff gets much better.

The characters are more...well, human. They're easier to relate to. We begin to get an idea of "who" they are through their quirks, humor, interactions, reactions, comments, and thoughts. These are things that should have happened earlier and then continued through the story. It's a relatively easy fix!


The Crux of Human Suffering

Not Your Average Reincarnation/Fantasy (Which is why you should be reading it!)

This review is current as of January 18th, 2016. Edge363 volunteered to be reviewed/critique by his follow members @ The Order of Phantasmal Architects!

So, I read Chapters 1 – 17.5 in one sitting. I’m going to touch on a few matters in a general sense – picking out every little misspelling or incorrect grammar/etc would make any post way too long.

Overall I like the story so far. +1 follower for you.

First Impressions – Fiction Page

I think your description/synopsis could use some work – it tells us a little too much information about the story. For me, there isn’t enough mystery to it to pull me in and make me want to read it. There’s also some minor spelling/grammar errors.

“The only thing worst than the alternate world is Braxton’s real one. Watch as he slowly makes friends despite his condition, finds love, and most importantly, satisfaction.”

^Should be, “The only thing worse than the alternate world[…]”

The Chapters

Honestly, the polls every chapter really distract me. When I click on a chapter, I want to be drawn to the first paragraph of the story, not a potentially spoiler-y poll (ex. the ones you mention potential crying). I can understand the need/appeal for polls, I just don’t think it should be every chapter.

More than anything I think that’s just a symptom of how the website itself structured – not necessarily author error. While we have ways to talk with our fans or get feedback etc, we kind of have to risk either interrupting the flow with a poll that most likely won’t make sense until the end of a chapter – or we have to consider interjecting polls or discussions between chapters.

ASIDE FROM THE MATTER OF POLLS:

Like I said in the chatroom, polishing up your earlier chapters (spelling, grammar, nothing major) should go a long way to drawing in and hooking new readers. It will improve flow. People are more likely to stop reading if they have to stop and be like “Hey wait a minute! That doesn’t seem right.”

Overall I’m only seeing minor things that need to be fixed. Grammar, spelling, punctuation. Occasionally the incorrect usage of words.

The flow of the story seems fine, even though I’m not personally a fan of time-skips (in literature or in anime) – that’s just a personal preference of mine and you shouldn’t take that too seriously. What you’re doing is working for you, and that’s what matters.

I also read through most of the comments left on your chapters – I’m not sure why people are getting so confused in some places. Your writing is rather concise and you’re including the details that some of your commenters seem to be just…missing, somehow.

v — Potential Spoilers Below this Line — v

 

 

Smaller Pet Peeve

Disclaimer: Leave this one as is, avoid in the future.

Chapter 17 and 17.5 should have been, overall, Chapter 17.

The ending of 17 flows into 17.5 in such a way that they read better together instead of separated. Because they were separated this way, I had to stop and think -> reread the first few paragraphs of 17.5 in order to confirm it was a continuation of the previous chapter -> resume reading.

This review is current as of January 18th, 2016. Edge363 volunteered to be reviewed/critique by his follow members @ The Order of Phantasmal Architects!

So, I read Chapters 1 – 17.5 in one sitting. I’m going to touch on a few matters in a general sense – picking out every little misspelling or incorrect grammar/etc would make any post way too long.

Overall I like the story so far. +1 follower for you.

First Impressions – Fiction Page

I think your description/synopsis could use some work – it tells us a little too much information about the story. For me, there isn’t enough mystery to it to pull me in and make me want to read it. There’s also some minor spelling/grammar errors.

“The only thing worst than the alternate world is Braxton’s real one. Watch as he slowly makes friends despite his condition, finds love, and most importantly, satisfaction.”

^Should be, “The only thing worse than the alternate world[…]”

The Chapters

Honestly, the polls every chapter really distract me. When I click on a chapter, I want to be drawn to the first paragraph of the story, not a potentially spoiler-y poll (ex. the ones you mention potential crying). I can understand the need/appeal for polls, I just don’t think it should be every chapter.

More than anything I think that’s just a symptom of how the website itself structured – not necessarily author error. While we have ways to talk with our fans or get feedback etc, we kind of have to risk either interrupting the flow with a poll that most likely won’t make sense until the end of a chapter – or we have to consider interjecting polls or discussions between chapters.

ASIDE FROM THE MATTER OF POLLS:

Like I said in the chatroom, polishing up your earlier chapters (spelling, grammar, nothing major) should go a long way to drawing in and hooking new readers. It will improve flow. People are more likely to stop reading if they have to stop and be like “Hey wait a minute! That doesn’t seem right.”

Overall I’m only seeing minor things that need to be fixed. Grammar, spelling, punctuation. Occasionally the incorrect usage of words.

The flow of the story seems fine, even though I’m not personally a fan of time-skips (in literature or in anime) – that’s just a personal preference of mine and you shouldn’t take that too seriously. What you’re doing is working for you, and that’s what matters.

I also read through most of the comments left on your chapters – I’m not sure why people are getting so confused in some places. Your writing is rather concise and you’re including the details that some of your commenters seem to be just…missing, somehow.

v — Potential Spoilers Below this Line — v

 

 

Smaller Pet Peeve

Disclaimer: Leave this one as is, avoid in the future.

Chapter 17 and 17.5 should have been, overall, Chapter 17.

The ending of 17 flows into 17.5 in such a way that they read better together instead of separated. Because they were separated this way, I had to stop and think -> reread the first few paragraphs of 17.5 in order to confirm it was a continuation of the previous chapter -> resume reading.

Biggest Pet Peeve

In several places you mention the MC “caught” ALS.

You don’t “catch” a disease. This is a relatively common mistake in writing that just happens to really irk me.

For example, you don’t say someone “caught cancer” – you say they were “diagnosed with cancer.”

“Caught” implies a sickness that can be transferred between people/animals/things by contact, inhalation, etc.

EDIT: As was pointed out to in chat, there actually are some diseases you can "catch." So if we're being super specific there are some diseases where this wording would be appropriate.