Vivian M.K.

Vivian M.K.

1
Follows
0
Favorites
3
Reviews
1
Fictions
Reviews
Griffon's Fury!

A though read, but the author is keen on improving

Reviewed at chapter 10:

Overall: We did have to force ourselves to read through it, but this doesn't mean the author should feel bad. It just means they need to keep pushing to improve, which is what they're showing they can do. That's a lot more than what can be said for a lot of people on this site. With that said, we can't score on what could be. We can only score on what is. At a later date if the author improves to a point where they have a solid enough grasp on English, then we'll be happy to come back and give it another look through and change the scores.

Style: This is the weakest aspect. The dialogue is split up even if it's the same person talking, there's a lot of repetitive words in dialogue like 'son,' it jumps around to different times and places with no connection to each other two to three times a chapter, which makes it hard to read through without whiplash, and the general flow from paragraph to paragraph just isn't there sadly. This is the biggest reason it was a tough read as well.

Grammar: NOTE: We are aware that the author is a non-native english speaker. As such, we scored it how well we thought it was from a non-native writer. It's not the best, but we've certainly seen worse.

Story: We absolutely love slice of life, and that's the reason it's scored as high as it is, but for most of the first 10 chapters it was a training montage without the time skips. If you're going to do a training montage, then you either need to speed through it, or make it really interesting. The way you make them interesting is either have deep character moments involved, or have their training serve a purpose other than just getting stronger. This story doesn't have either of them sadly. The plot with his father and kingdom could be good, but it takes so long to get there that we're worried people will drop it before they even get to that part just with how much they need to go through.

Characters: This is your usual 'chosen MC' trope. Other people already touched on Nero needing a deeper personality, but it feels like Nero should have at least been emotionally a seven year old. Instead, he acts like an adult and it kills what could be a really good contrast between really smart but emotionally still developing. At the same time, it brings up the question of why are we even going through when he's a kid when he's basically an adult. When you start at the top, then there's absolutely no room to grow. That's what's wrong with OP main characters at the start.

Collins sorta just came out of nowhere and they're suddenly friends.

Gustav is pretty alright, so is his Mom, but we think they're held back by the author not being a native writer. That isn't meant as a slight against the author. It's just how it is. We'd love to see where they are when the author improves.

As a final note to the author: Please don't let this get you down. We've all had rough feedback, but it's how you handle it that makes you a better author. Along with that, we're not going to lie to you and give you a better score than we think it deserves, because lying to you like that will undermine your improvement and hurt you far more than a lower score will.

We wish you the absolute best, and you should never stop improving in your craft.


Heartstone

Both hilarious and depressing in the best ways.

Read up to chapter 8 so far:

I don't think I've laughed as hard and as consistantly while reading this story than I have in a long time. It's filled to the brim with puns and the delivery is spot on. What's more is that we're big fans of 'corrupted innoncene' IE: everything looks happy and cheerful, but it's really dark and depressing underneath. Going to be finishing this story and reading through the authors other work. Very well done. Now onto the more detailed parts.

Style: If you enjoyed the narration in a game called Stanley's Parable, then you'll love this style. The narrator isn't only narrating the story, but feels like their own character that's experiencing the story at the same time as Arwin. This might just be the perfect style to go along with this story because it compliments the story and charaters perfectly.

Grammar: Didn't see any mistakes, so 5 stars.

Story: Going to include the puns in this section. The story's absolutely wonderful with incredibly clever puns and exceptional delivery that got me full on laughing multiples times so far. And the mix of light and dark in terms of content is one of the stronger points to this already strong story. All the way from silly puns, to depressing, if not out right scary aspects of life. Currently it's tied with Mother of Learning in terms of story quality.


Characters: We don't see a whole lot of many characters, and we'll try and avoid spoilers, but Kelli is written well even if she is really not likable (That's a plus for the author) Arwin though is a hell of a lot more deep than you might expect from a story that focuses a lot on different puns. Seeing his journey and figuring out why he's in the spot he's in in chapter 1 just makes us feel so damn terrible for him that we wanna give him a hug.

 


7780, or: Children of a White Rider

Reviewed at chapter 5

Style: We've had to go back and reread entire sections multiple times throughout because the use of 'he/she' when being used for the PoV character switches so much.

However, going back it looks like they have since put who exactly's in each section since we started writing this review. This hopefully helps to know who's talking easier, and it's a plus that the author is receptive to feedback. We'll continue to read afrer this review in our freetime, and If it clears up the issues we had with the head hopping, then we'll come back and increase this rating.

At the same time, one of this stories strong points is the very well done descriptions. For those that enjoy expectional use of the English language, then we highly recommend giving this a try for it.


Grammar: Absolutly perfect from what we could see. Nothing much else to say.


Story: Imagine an isekai if it was good and interesting. This one is a slow burn, which we do appreciate. It also actively got us analyzing possible outcomes and what might happen, which only happens for us when there's a story that has a good handle on it's mystery elements. The only downside that we split with the character score since also falls under story is that Eli can have quite a few repeditive conversations with asking a certain thing to someone multiple times (Vague to avoid spoilers.)


Character: This is really the only section I feel we need to read more of before we can really give an indepth review. As was mentioned, this appears to be a slow burn. What we seen up to chapter 5 though is that there's a really good base for the characters to be developed. Given this author's ability to tell a story, we have faith that these characters will be developed as the story goes on. This will be another section we'd come back to after reading more.