I thought this story had such a unique and interesting premise drawing upon religion and history in a way I wouldn't expect. This story is about gods, so the timescale kind of draws on in a very long and immense way - however, the downside to this is that sometimes the transition between time periods can be a little confusing to the reader. Additionally, sometimes it goes 'outside' of time, which can also be on the confusing side to anyone reading it. It appears the author is working on it, and has been rewriting the start - which I believe heavily improves these issues.
Honestly, the story is cool so far. I would recommend people give it a shot because it is very unique.
Chronology can be a little difficult, and some of the characters present in a human form are hard to relate to. The goddess mentioned is easy to follow - as she doesn't age or doesn't fall out of relevancy to the story. I wish that maybe it centered more around the main character and fell into a little bit more of a linear line, but for narrative purposes, I think it still works. It can just be a little confusing. I like that in chapter 4, the author began including at the head of the chapter the year and place it takes place. It might help for other chapters/line breaks to do a similar system so people can easily keep track.
It's a cool story. Haven't seen anything like it. How the author came up with this is beyond me, I have nothing but good things to say about it. I'm interested to see where it goes, and adding this book to my follow list after posting this review.
There are some issues with dialogue grammar. Some issues with your and you're. Some weird sentence structure and flow in places. No real issues with missing words or misspelled words. Doesn't detract from the story at all. Above-average grammar. Good job!
I find the main character intriguing. I find the goddess intriguing. The only real issue is because of the time scale and time periods being all over the place, it's hard to care about most of the 'mortal' characters in the earlier chapters. I don't have a strong indication they will stay relevant past being the 'background' of the main character. So it's not really a bad thing. I kind of wish I got more of a taste of the main character in the first 4 chapters. But leaving me wanting more is almost the opposite of a bad character.
I find the main character's relationship with his only real 'friend' a very cool dynamic that I by no means would initially have expected. So that's a cool tension/dimension to that relationship which I think could be very interesting to see how it plays out.
I think that this story has one of the most unique and well thought out worlds on litrpg. You should read through it if you like cowboys, a post-apocalyptic sci-fi, characters whose lingos are unique to the world. Soda brands that are unique, a setting that feels alive - which is almost ironic since there's not a lot left of the setting that is alive. Grammar and flow which are almost technically flawless, making the whole story flow without a single issue.
The only things to be wary of are a few moments where you might have to double back to understand what is happening, and it might a good eight chapters before you really begin to see the full breath of the world offered.
In my opinion, there are both pros and negatives to the way in which the author does the 'litrpg' notifications in this story. I think a big negative is whenever the character looks at their main stat screen since it's rather unwieldy. Other prompts not about that feel much better.
Most of the story is written in a choppy format that can be off-putting, This improves later in the story but is still present. Some of the weirder uses of this style can be found in moments where the character is thinking, where despite it being about 3 lines of thoughts, they're divided into three separate paragraphs with no other actions in between. This can be a little fatiguing to the reader.
POV sometimes undergoes a random shift that can be a little jarring when it first happens. And also speaking about POV, there are a couple of odd moments where it shifts from 3rd limited to 3rd omniscient which can be a little jarring.
While the combat reads well, after reading this far into the book, I think that the constant "Damage Notifications" kinda detracts from the urgency of situations and becomes a little fatiguing. Especially since I really don't have an idea how much max health the character has or likely wouldn't be able to track their current health unless I sat there with a calculator, so it feels a little meaningless.
So, both a big pro and a big negative to this category that even out. My big pro is that the world is amazing and interesting. Characters use lingo specific to the world. There's a big mystery to the setting itself. There's card games, there's interesting behind the scenes. What are those monsters? There's a lot to like and be absorbed by in the setting, which I think is the most compelling and definitely well thought out part of this entire story. It's just cool. From the hovering cars to the litrpg only having 3 select classes that everyone is.
Now the big downside to me was the story structure. It can get really confusing at times because sometimes there are chronological jumps, especially with the first chapter that can be hard to track. Some of the POV shifts feel this way too and lend to it being very confusing. Chapter 1 I'd say is one of the hardest to get through - the card game they play is explained, but if you're like me you're still gunna walk away confused about it and not really understanding despite the fact it goes into depth, which I feel detracts from immersing the reader into it.
The first eight-ten chapters are stuck with Tenner in an interesting place. But I feel like this kind of slow-trapped and limited start to just this single character might be a little offputting, since while the place where he's stuck is interesting, I don't think Tenner is very likable. It feels like for a good section of the start of this book, it's simply fighting with Tenner going from combat to combat.
Flawless from a grammar perspective. I ran across maybe one or two types in all of the chapters I read. It flowed well, I didn't find any misplaced commas or anything of that nature. This definitely gets a 5/5.
So, the issue I have is mostly with the main character not really jiving with me. That said, I don't think Tenner is inconsistent at all in his actions. He consistently acts a certain way, which I believe tends towards the murder-hoboy side. I don't really like him that much. He acts in line for who he is. He's egotistical, overconfident, and a bit of a dick. A bigger issue I had with characters is namely for a large part of the start of the story, you're kinda stuck with just Tenner.
Typically with someone unlikable in the main character, you're usually given a couple of other people to latch onto. However, even after meeting Gi... It's kind of hard to connect to the characters. That said, I think their behavior is consistent, there's even some lingo used in the world that's unique to the world. But there is kind of a lack of characters, which you definitely feel in the first ten or so chapters.
I think the writing of this story is commendably done, with some of the cleanest grammar I've seen on the site. It flows naturally and is extremely smooth to read. The world-building is interesting and woven in nicely to the narrative, without any long exposition or done in any way that detracts from the story. I do feel that the story starts stronger, but gets a little bit unfocused in the middle. Additionally, the characters broke my suspension of disbelief. They might get better later, but that remains to be seen.
I'd recommend giving this a read if you're looking for some decent fantasy. While it does have flaws, the style and vivid descriptions bridge some of them in a decent way.
The style this is written in has a nice balance between dialogue and description. Some of the descriptions are very good and lend towards the work being interesting and engaging to the reader. It can really paint a picture in your head without being flowery(purple-prose-esque) which is appealing to me because I feel like a lot of people get too into purple prose which can kill the flow and momentum of the story. This flows well and carries well throughout the story.
The story itself starts off weak, gets strong, and then becomes weak again in my opinion. My favorite chapters were the ones when it was fleshing out the main character's life with his 'new family' and exploring the village. These were the strongest - and I thought were going a long way to developing characters. Unfortunately, that changes rather rapidly, and quickly advances through some rather smallish situations that don't feel like they carry much weight, introduce things that you think would be a string of tension, but don't pay off or really reoccur as of yet.
Not to mention, I feel like, towards the end of what I read, a major side character really gets what makes them 'unique' taken away. I feel like the focus was given to characters who really don't influence things later and they introduce plot threads that aren't developed and as of yet don't pay off. It doesn't seem like at this point they will be explored further.
The strongest part of the story. Going hand-in-hand with style for making you read. Most of it is fairly clean, I was hard-pressed to find grammar mistakes. Which is very rare for this site. There is, however, one thing, in particular, that once I noticed I couldn't unsee. And that was in terms of dialogue, regarding the use of a comma before the end quotation. Typically, most dialogues end with a period, even when they really shouldn't. This was a little jarring and probably won't bother many people. But it did bug me.
Least favorite part of the story to me. I thought I was going to like the characters going into chapter 3-4, even after not really getting attached to anyone in particular in chapter 1(won't say why, due to spoilers) but it seems that the characters keep performing in unrealistic ways for someone of their age. I think the most grievous thing that broke my suspension of disbelief is how the main character chose to leave the village that he'd been basically living next to for six years.
I won't state what exactly happened for spoilers - but the fact that he did that, combined with someone from the same village not even making a fuss about it was incredibly out of character to me, further in the story I felt that a certain character kind of had a 'power' bestowed on him that in a way detracted from the direction his character was going(that would have been more interesting, in my opinion)
Overall, I thought this was a decent read. Royal Road needs more epic fantasy, and this delivers to that need on a decent level. It’s clear the author has a vision of where they want to take the story, the characters have flaws and weaknesses, and the author themselves has a clear voice when writing their story. Definitely above what you would see as an average story on this site.
Most of the writing is in a style I would say is hinging on purple prose. For better or for worse this can make some scenes stretch on for an amount of time that hinges on too lengthy. But when it works it really works to highlight a scene and make things very vivid and interesting for the reader.
In terms of setting, since this is epic fantasy some of the terms and proper pronouns are thrown at you pretty rapidly with little to no explanation. Some of them you can infer, others you can’t. This can be pretty jarring for the reader. While this kind of thing is typical in epic fantasy, I feel like personally the plethora of them thrown at you right away make it a little difficult and dense to get into.
Begins with a prologue, which is a big negative to me in general. Like most prologues, I don’t think it really provides very much information, or as good of an impression in the world that start with the first chapter would have provided. Unlike most prologues, this one is relevant to one of the characters in the book and is referenced in the first chapter.
Otherwise, it starts off at a pretty decent pace. It’s a little hard to understand what’s going on and the reasons behind it, part of that might be the stylistic choices. But it’s interesting enough. Chapter 2 ends on a note that tends towards confusing the main protagonist we start the story with. Otherwise, I think it’s a decent start. It has an interesting action sequence that doesn’t feel out of place, unlike some stories on this site.
There were some inconsistencies, atleast in the prologue with writing out full numbers. A few other errors I spotted with dialogue tags, indefinite articles, sentence structure, typos, words missing spaces. Incorrect comma usage, and capitalization. That said, Royal Road has a lot of stories with grammar issues far worse than this one.
Some of the purple prose in my opinion affected the overall flow. Some of the usages of adverbs led to some redundancies in the writing that kind of bog up and already dense structure given the nature of the style of writing.
Very good job with the characters. Each had flaws, each had weaknesses that were established fairly soon after introduction. You’re drawn into wondering how they connect to each other, and I think this is the strongest part of this piece of literature.
However, to me atleast, this kind of underscores the prologue getting in the way because little character development is present - other than establishing one particular character that up to chapter 2 isn’t a point of view in the story.
The first chapter of the story does a good job of setting the tone of what it's going to be about, a lot of the arcs of the story revolve around a particular fight, and the author has a good grasp of their world and what they want to do with it. I think one of the best indicators of this author's commitment to providing a good story can be found in the way they approach the audience - including polls, post and pre notes for nearly every chapter, and a commitment to posting on a regular schedule.
If you're looking for an action-heavy progression fantasy, you'll find it here. Personally, I'm not in the target audience for this particular book, preferring more of a slow burn, most of the books I chose to read in progression fantasy build up a character before they can really kick some ass. The MC of this book comes fully-loaded and ready to show his inner badass to the world. Initially, I think that the story can be a little hard to sink your teeth into, so I'd recommend waiting it out a good couple of chapters to really feel if this is a story for you or not.
Some of the grammar in the version I read was incorrect, mostly around dialogue, but I doubt that will still be the case soon after posting this review. Like many fictions on RR, this isn't a professionally written piece, and occasional errors can be found. Overall I think the quality exceeded a majority of what you'd find on the site, so if you're a stickler for that, you'll be pleasantly surprised.
This review is up to Everwood V.
Overall, I think the style of writing very much syncs up with the viewpoint of the character who the story is about. I think the framing of the story, to begin with, is interesting, and leaves you with quite a few questions. I very much enjoyed the pacing of the story and tone achieved in several sections. I think the world is well developed and very interested to see where it goes.
If you're a fan of a story like Re:Zero or other death-loop stories, then you should definitely give it a shot, the main character is compelling and the mysteries presented already really do draw you in and make you want to see what happens next.
If I had any complaint, it would probably be some of the transitional parts in the earlier chapters were a little jarring, but from what I've seen the scene transitions become much smoother later in the story. I would recommend sticking it out for the first three-four chapters to really get a feel for the book and to really give it a chance to draw you in.