OntoSomethingGood

OntoSomethingGood

1
Follows
1
Favorites
7
Reviews
2
Fictions
Reviews
The Invisible String

As written by some previous reviewers, this story is a unique tale of a girl called Syndesi. She is the invisible thread that binds together all the characters that go through the motions of their lives. Her baking is a constant throughout and the writer uses it to explore and explain the premise.

The concept is unique and is presented in (sometimes very small) bite-sized chunks which is a bit distracting at times as I am used to much bigger chapters. The prose is fluid, the vocabulary is good. The grammar is off some places but that did not hinder my immersion. 

I liked the story and the style however at times it felt too abstract. A little more concrete is needed to hold it together. In my opinion, some clarity around events and characters would do the trick.

Other than that, I feel the story starts well, creates intrigue. It has the potential to develop into something beautiful, maybe future chapters will see it evolve better.

 

 


Harry Potter and The Dark Lord

Plug-And-Play of Philosopher's Stone

This book is a FanFiction based on J K Rowling's legendary Harry Potter and the Philosopher's  Stone (The first book in the series.) The MC is someone who is not Potter though, which is I think the only place where the author has had to put much work.

Plot heavily borrows from the Philosopher's stone, even scene by scene, it is almost predictable. The author heavily relies on Rowling's dialogues, premise, characters, while introducing very little of his own ideas. Even the song of the sorting hat has been copied. 

It almost has a feel of plug-and-play. The MC and his sister are plugged into Rowling's first book, only to make him superior and outshining all, including Hermione. Two eleven-year-old girls are shown fawning over the 11-year-old MC. Personally, for me, it's very off.

While the idea is interesting, I find it very easy to implement. Heavily relying on the original author having very little to contribute on the author's behalf. 

I am giving 3.5 as I feel I am essentially rating JK Rowling and not the author. The characters of Alex and Nicole are portrayed well, although it takes nearly 18 chapters to feel any sympathy with Nicole.

Overall, a decent read if you are already a Rowling fan and don't mind substituting Harry with Alex.


The Boros Bachelor

This story has been a surprise package for me. 
I have never played DnD, in fact, didn't even know what it was until I read this story.
Thankfully, the author has done an excellent job explaining the world which is immensely helpful for the uninitiated like me.

At the time of this review, the book has about twenty-four well-crafted chapters. I find the pace of the story as optimum, it doesn't dwell too much on unnecessary parts, yet gives enough detail.

Overall, I enjoyed this fiction and would recommend it highly. If you are a DnD illiterate like me, do read until at least the first 3 chapters, before deciding.


Story:  This is a fan-fiction based on DnD. The plot is forming well, the author has used the premise of Ravnica lore to weave a compelling story. The language is fluid and emotive. It does not take much time for the reader to get sucked into this fantasy world.

Style: The story is told with a third-person narration style. It is able to convey the thoughts, expressions, and emotions of the various characters in the story to the readers in a beautiful way. We view the world through their eyes. The writing style is also more about showing than telling, and the author pays great attention to details. Combining all these with a good fantasy storyline is bringing out the beauty of the novel. Great execution.

The grammar: The grammar is excellent, there are no noticeable mistakes that could disturb the flow of the story.

The character: The strong point of this story is the characters. Mav and Lilla are both believable and relatable. The side characters have an oomph factor and come across as essential to the story. This shows the excellent capacity of the author. 

Overall, great work! I recommend this story fully :) 


I Make Monsters

Interesting MC, great start.

So, I am a bit old school, my knowledge of adv/fantasy is limited to Tolkiens and Rowlings and such. But I find there any many in the making on RR, I'll definitely delve into it sometime.

Chapter 1 - A job well done :) Very interesting start. You have introduced your MC very well, describing their thoughts, feelings (or lack of them), and surroundings.  They come across as cool, calculated, and devilish which is exactly what you have strived hard to portray here. You use great vocabulary and the narration is succinct, to the point. Kudos!

In all a great beginning. Please do upload further chapters so we'll have a bit more to go on for an advanced review. Looking forward to reading more from you.

 


Ancients [An Epic Litrpg]

This is a very interesting story about a young boy called Chen who tries hard to live up to the expectations but fails as fate has something else in store for him. 


Story

Excellent premise, the MC's plight is believable, immediately felt a connection with poor Chen. I like the different clans, and their internal dynamic would be a great potential to explore further.

Style

The style is good. In some places, there is repetition as if the author struggles to find alternate ways to add more description. But overall the narrative is good. Flows nicely, without lingering too much on one part.

Grammar and spelling

Some grammar mistakes, nothing major that can't be fixed with a good edit. Overall, a decent level and it improves as you read on. Some parts could be reconfigured for better impact.

Characters
The MC is utterly believable. The author portrays Chen beautifully, right from the first chapter the character makes an impact. I'm already hooked and will revisit the story to see how Chen has fared.

Overall an interesting read that's executed quite well. Do give it a go.


Reaper of Cantrips

Unusual and Skilfully executed

This story has been a whole new experience for me. Usually I keep away from adventure/fantasies, as the writers tend to spend too much time in world building / inventing weird and wonderful species. It usually is too tedious for me to actually start seeing through the substance of the story.

This story hooked me up instantly. The author has done a quick and efficient job of building the new world, giving just the right amount of information in the introductory chapters. It then moves quickly, introducing some side characters and then the main plot starts unfolding. It is all done very masterfully, the author keeps a consistent flow of narration, without dwelling on one thing for too long, yet giving enough information to satisfy the reader's curiosity. There's always something interesting at the end of each chapter to keep the reader hooked and waiting for the next.

I love the idea of the story. It is unusual and skilfully executed. 

The writing is top-class. No grammar/punctuation errors. The words flow effortlessly, the dialogues feel genuine. Overall a great reading experience.


Children of Nemeah (epic progression fantasy)

So, I'll share my thoughts on the chapters as I read them. 


Chapter 1 -  This is the introductory chapter where a young Rick joins the guards to work with his hero, the MC. The author had used this premise brilliantly to lay MC's character and traits out. It also seamlessly introduces some side characters and foreshadows some of the future development, a possible conflict between Rick and his hero.
Nice introduction and a great start!

Chapter 2 -  The introduction flows smoothly from the first chapter, this time covering the MC's background. I also like the way a flashback is used. It gives a great insight into Sieg's character and also brings intrigue as to his real origins. Well done author for the smooth execution. 
 

Overall, a good story with good potential. I like the fact that the author has not crammed numerous otherworldly creatures/world-building into the introduction, as that always makes the reading tedious/overwhelming for me. So extra points for that :)