This review is written after reading up until the end of what I think is the first arc of the story (blame my anime brain), the Office and the Spoon arc. I will continue reading through the later chapters, and I have to say I am very impressed by the writing here on a few levels.
The prologue starts from a distance using a third-person perspective, but then swiftly brings us directly into the headspace of Aevlin as she was thrown into her first bout of adventure. An office life.
Initially, I thought that this story will go down a typical route of using a throw-away arc to build up the main character(s) before getting to the main plotlines, though this is by no means the anime/manga-style of a first arc, the way dialogue, thoughts, and world-building are layered and intertwined together makes this read very engaging.
Though, to no fault of this story, I was expecting a little more in the first arc, just because of my past tendancies more so than the writing and plotting. For those that enjoy character pieces and a slower burn, this is totally for you. I do love the steps taken by Aevlin to put herself in a position to speak with the King though.
The grammar is excellent, and as someone that uses Grammarly, gosh that's a lot of words I don't know.
Of the characters we have seen so far, I enjoyed Eliot a lot. His demeanor and poise come through the page, and the little guessing games between Aevlin and Eliot is just straight up fun as he reminds me of those eccentric old professors that you never know what's going on in their heads.
The world-building and the magic system is extremely mature, and the world felt lived in in the truest sense of the world while maintaining some fantasy vibes. The magic system was subtle and not overbearing, with talks of geography and culture being sprinkled through the dialogue.
All and all, as a fellow writer, even though I enjoy much faster-paced stories, the quality of writing here is undeniable. Keep chopping wood and keep writing!
The story kicks right off in the middle of a mission as Marcus is introduced alongside Singer, Stripes, and, Tamwyn. Firstly, even though I mostly consume my harem and ecchi stories from an anime format, I profoundly enjoyed the social interactions between the three.
The dialogue flows naturally, and each of the girls is sufficiently different, though I personally prefer a staggered approach of introducing the different girls through the story, or even with individually focused arcs, the approach taken in this book is still honestly fine, and carries its own advantages and disadvantages. (It might feel a little overwhelming at first to keep track of all three. I imagine in a more visual setting like mangas or comics, it might be easier to distinguish the group than a word-based medium.)
The flow of dialogue to action to description is excellent, and I personally prefer paragraphs that varies in shapes and sizes, so this is right in my ball park.
Occasionally, there are times that I was expecting a coma or a full-stop of sorts at the end of a dialogue/sentence, but at this point, I don't even know which one is correct anymore after people say a bunch of different things :D
“I’d hope not.” Maybel said
So far, the story is taking a rather linear format of moving from one location to the other in the form of an adventure story. The details of this world is sprinkled expertly through the stories, in-between dialogues, though at times, I do enjoy short blocks of info-dumps.
Perhaps I have lost track of the main motivations of the characters, or maybe it's something to come in the future chapters, but if anything, this is, in fact, a story with pleasant character interactions, an interesting power that's only briefly explored, and a setting with a lot of potential.
Also one shotting lamias with metal fists is animal cruelty.
This story is a fast-paced endeavor into another world through the eyes of Eugene, Eva, questionable toilet etique, and a system that strives in its playful details.
Each chapter is short and plays on individual scenes with more segmented story-telling following a simple format. The execution was simple and straight to the point, with the level-up messages and class options containing more funny details.
So far, the early parts of the story still focus on the exploratory parts, though some of the plot lines felt more akin to a slice-of-life adventure story and a play on the typical system/portal story.
This work thrives on providing fast-paced, easy to digest pieces of the chapters, though the character motivations are not emphasized as much through the story, with Eugene sort of riding from scene to scene. Perhaps more development is to come, or maybe the direction of the story focuses more on the adventure elements of the MC.
The styles reflected in the system messages and the stats tables are presented clearly and is easy to read, though perhaps using more breaks in the paragraph for key dialogue might help push them more to the forefront.
The grammar generally good and clear.