darkocean (J. L. Salmonson)

darkocean (J. L. Salmonson)

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    1. Re: A quick clariry check, please?

      Everyone who posted in here has been given a shout out and their profile linked in the top part of the author's notes in different chapters starting at chapter one. Hug, hugs to all! *Mushy mush mush mushy (...)


    2. Re: A quick clariry check, please?

      @ArDeeBurger "use THIS and THAT (and other words!) about a hundred times more often than they ought." Writing term, please! (A Google search, a Startpage search, and a duckduckgo search. I love this (...)


    3. Re: A quick clariry check, please?

      @ArDeBurger I like the second one  He pointed to the end of the bridge, where a wide dirt path lead to a small trade village.  The middle of the bridge is what he's looking at? Furrtppp. 😑 😧 (...)


    4. Re: A quick clariry check, please?

      @ArDeeBurger Am very weak with commas they hate me. I put too many in or too few. And, tend to forget the rules and have to go back and study articles repeatedly. 😧😖 When will I remember them? Arrg! (...)


    5. Re: A quick clariry check, please?

      @ArDeeBurger How's this? The canyon spanned a good a hundred feet the frothy waters smashed onto the sides of it twisting and turning its reach without end.  (I'm trying to show that it's huge.) (...)


    6. Re: A quick clariry check, please?

      Absolutely right on the redundancy. Changed to:  Far ahead the deafening roar of rapids assaulted his ears. My problem when trying to be clear with directions I do too much hand-holding. 😑 Got to (...)


    7. Re: A quick clariry check, please?

      @ArDeeBurger Wow so much help! Thank you. I need time to absorb all that. The behemoth part isn't just a simile its a bit of foreshadowing for what's to come later so even though it's a bit dramatic it (...)


    8. Re: A quick clariry check, please?

      Okay tried again "It's all clear! Let's get going!" Far up ahead the deafening roar of rapids assaulted his ears. The ground cut short ending there. Here a flimsy rope and plank bridge stretched (...)


    9. Re: A quick clariry check, please?

      I'd attach the "maneuver" and "frothy waters" into one sentence, either with a semi-colon or a long hypen. That's if the "maneuver" can't be rephrased to a better verb, because when I read this, I can't (...)


    10. Re: A quick clariry check, please?

      Oh, right I missed the ready to swallow all who dared enter."  *goes off to edit.* Tks for the compliment. :) Now to fix the paragraphs with the fire breathing cat. You's think fire burning some (...)


    11. Re: A quick clariry check, please?

      Is rhis better? I'm still trying to get the hang if this pov style.    Not much later she appeared in front of him. "It's all clear! Let's get going!"  Far up ahead the deafening roar of rapids (...)


    12. Re: A quick clariry check, please?

      <3 I'll go fix it right now (...)


    13. Re: A quick clariry check, please?

      I believe this reads nicely now, but it's always nice to get a second opinion. This is a draft so no need to go into extensive detail, just clarity.  Thank you for your help, as reading out loud is (...)


    14. Re: Promote your favourite author or book.

      I recommend Cinnamon Bun by RavensDagger https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/31429/cinnamon-bun This is such a cute and funny read I'm really having fun with it. It's nice to have something (...)