Suffering injuries upon his body, scars that he wishes to hide, a prosthetic leg and probably much more. He enters into a new school. While kind he is, and much he has learned from. He has never had an easy time fitting in from what is shown. Which is understandable really, touching on a more deeper point. Where those having damage to their body might have uncomfortable experiences. Anyway, meeting a friend, those two seeming to hit it off. Then madness starts setting in, knocked out by a monster, and apparently woke up in some place. Getting into protectors, and the creature that attacked him. A solid enough transition I suppose.
One having difficulty with life, body of brokenness. Scars upon him, fitting in never an easy thing. His life changing upon his first day in school. Meeting a friend, an attack coming into place. Waking in some place, joining an association. Excitement within its simpleness. Studying magic, trying to combat those monsters. Potential hiding away within this tale. No matter so, some points having to be deducted. Not much, but it is lacking in description, let alone prose as well.
I do not grade style. Reason being, everyone will have their own preference. It is by far the least accurate form of gauging a story.
A cast of interesting characters to say. Marvin being quite likable I will say. Each complementing the other well enough. The story having a good blend between the tale and the characters, secrets hiding away. Rather favorable to say, a sort of tension to them to say.
There are issues with the grammar. It isn’t consistent, but enough to knockoff 0.5. Overall, it seems fine I will say.
One suffering damage upon his body, maturing over the years. No doubt an accident happening, costing him his parents, and leaving him with scars. Entering into a new school, not fitting in well. Meeting a friend, his life flipping. Joining an association, learning magic. Secrets within the shadows, monsters roaming. A nice mystery to it all, and an enlightening experience. I have to say, I recommend giving this story a shot. I will not spoil anything, head onward into this story. 🐕
A gentle enough start, going into more the pleasantry of days of yore. The loss of a father, life going on. The main breaking up is to their bf, just things of normalcy. The tale going onto a trip in California. Transitioning along good enough, giving a good enough picture of what is happening. An air of mystery, different worlds from what I can gather. Those being bound, a story that has something to show.
A trip towards the grandparents, those that cannot go out at night. Mystery within the air, differing worlds. Leavers and protectors, two in conjunction to one another. Training of necessity, a story with an interesting premise. Slow but steady, and nice mix in all reality. Alas, the score has to be hit. One aspect of story telling is the prose. This story doesn’t seem to have any. Not to worry, it isn’t a large hit. Just know, one way to improve, is stringing together words in a more meaningful way. As well as, can use some more exposition.
I do not grade this.
There are a few issues I noticed, not too many. Though, enough to knockoff 0.5. I can still understand the work quite well, so nothing to worry about.
I am mixed on this. I guess I can see how they are progressing along, but I am not seeing a defining factor that really grabs in. Perhaps someone else will, but this isn’t what is necessarily taking my attention, it is everything else supporting them.
Overall, an air of mystery to this work. One visiting elsewhere, California from what I can tell. Unable in going out at night, those lurking in the shadows. A bit unsettling to say, which gives off a more immersive feeling. At least this is my take away from it. I think my only problem is my inability to connect to the characters. I recommend giving this a read, who knows, it is probably just me on this one area. That and the prose is lacking, though, it does have another surprise waiting ahead. 🐕
I've think I read enough to get a solid idea. First off, it starts off interestingly enough with a character on the run. No one knowing what she looks like or her name. Found out, forced to flee, chaos happens. The usual, I found it a rather nice way to really dive into the conflict to come. Then...it didn't really turn out like this. About twenty five chapters or so, it is shown her going through tests, getting acquainted with those people, pretty much going to school. I suppose they are trying to control her if I am understanding this correctly, but for the longest while, there is no excitement, or little really. I think on the slower end, the story does great in steadily progressing along, but there is a limit to this. Anyway, it does quite well in getting from point A to point B, no denying this.
I do not grade this. One person can think it is the best, another can think it is the worst. I suppose in the least, it is consistent.
Grammar, I do not believe I spotted any sort of issue. Probably there, but I haven't seen it.
It has some prose, not well done, but it is there. Due to the lack of it, or well, execution of it. It makes it difficult to become immersed in the story. On the other hand, it does pay attention to smaller details, going in deeper to explaining the finer points. Though, this in itself quickly became tedious. It is not bad, I found myself liking it from time to time. There is a conflict no less, but due to the whole kinda school setting, it sorta lowers that scale.
I will be honest, I just did not connect well with the characters. Effort is shown, I can clearly see it. The problem comes in with the lack of depth to tie into these more meaningful moments. On one end, it shows the main learning, adjusting, etc. On the other end, it becomes difficult to tell not only what they want for themselves. Which I assume is not to be hunted down if I was following this correctly. Though, the other characters, I know they are there to like help her along, but it just isn't strongly gripping. It is difficult to put into words, this is no means a bad story. I can definitely see readers coming in, and giving it a go, which I highly do recommend.
Overall, it is a solid enough story. On the extreme slower end of things. Though, it does not disappoint on getting through its points. It has its own set of complexity, characters having their own drive I suppose. The only major problem I see is the pacing. I am a person that likes slower paced works, but there is a limit to that. The world building is great, no issues there. The attention to smaller details, and the interactions are okay enough to keep going.
Note: I am working on trying not to give spoilers, and rather my impression from what I read. Though, I am trying to do this in a more balanced approach.
To start off, this story has kind of a mysterious feel to it. I believe that is the word. It has a way of drawing in attention, a certain vagueness with it. Then to top it all off, a nice way of incorporating descriptions. A solid blend of elements. Just two issues, one, I recommend separating dialogue from the text. Two, things like ‘ZAP’ it is better to explain it. Now, I won’t deduct points, this is a personal style preference. Which, I do not grade since it is highly opinionated. Someone can think it is the worst, another the best. I just cannot be objective with this specific part, so take that as you may.
The story steadily transitions, to where the character has more of a turmoil of not understanding themselves if I am reading this correctly. Now there is one thing I want to say, this story is written more in a casual side. Which given the blending of elements, it can work. And it does not disappoint as far as I can see.
The story then goes along into more of a, I should say realistic aspect of how corruption can be. Execution for protests, rioting, and so on. In that sense, it hits a point quite well. To get more into the finer points, there is something called the ‘Reach Project.’ Where as you can guess it, it is a game world. I should also note, this is a small thing. As well as more of a style, that I honestly like. The first line of a chapter starts with all caps. It conveys a more deeper message I would say.
Now more of a normal point, where someone tries to create a perfect world. To be honest, I can see why things went this way.
Overall, this is a wonderful piece. A more mysterious, yet a bit unsettling feel to say. Natural conflict, and a more realistic world view in some parts. A game that is a project, no less having to do with some perfect world they had in mind. I say give this story a chance.
At first, I wasn’t sure. Though, it does well in sticking to the GameLit part of it. While also diving into a deeper reality. A project that is supposed to be towards a perfect world if I am right, and characters playing the game, which is probably a trap.
Most I can say is that it is consistent, but this is something I do not grade.
Each are defining enough, realities blending into their life. Which if I was following this correctly, they were from another world? Anyway, it was more natural to say. To add on a bit more, it looks like the characters are more or less dealing with the effects of the project. There is this darker tone to them, and the interaction are really of expectance. I suppose to say, the interaction while incorporating the game elements, it is more organic to say,
No issues here, I also learned a few things myself. I believe the words I am looking for are metaphors this story has. The comparison, the way those lines string together. While not unique, it is very fulfilling. I cannot tell you how long I have been looking for a story that can grip me with its prose.
I want to add on something more, that I may have forgotten. The story is solid all around. I don’t have any real issues with this story. And trust me I was looking, this is a solid 5. The majority of the problems I had would fall under style, but I do not grade that, and simply adjusted along. Slight correction made to this review, for some reason I misread chapter one. The translation I mentioned before editing, it is something part of the plot. So, wanted to clarify this. For some reason I thought the story was being portrayed in different languages, and this was being made note in the chapter itself. Nope, I was brain dead after 10 to 12 hours of doing something on my own time.
I also want to add, that this is a rather easy read. Given the more casual way it is written. It is pretty easy to get sucked into the story. For my own personal opinion, I just love how the words string together to create a nice lasting image. Simplicity can be effective, and it does great in this part of it. It blends first and third person, and does so in an easily digestible manner. The comparisons done between numerous aspects. For instance, the reflection of water in comparison to what the character might think heaven is. My words are not enough for this. As for when the story picks up. I would say around the fifth chapter, maybe the fourth. Though, the fifth was when I started to really go along with it.
As for my final words on this, it can take sometime to get into. Though once the ball starts rolling, you'll find yourself pleasantly surprised. At least that is my take on it, experiencing it for yourself is better than words. Just know. I recommend this.
To add on a bit more, and as to not spoil it, the story once again does well to connect those lines. I think prose is a better word for it. The level of depths gets a bit deeper, and it really makes you think about what the character wants. Inside of a game, getting more powerful, but yet there is this level of contradictory I have noticed. More along the character trying to grasp something about themselves. Aside from this, the action starts to pick up more, which is to be expected. Further you go, better things get.
As things goes along, I am not disappointed. It maintains that tone it carries, with the characters somewhere between lighter and dark. The blend is nice, and not often I see this executed even half well. Getting into some philosophical elements no doubt, which I won't mention for potential triggering elements. That you will have to see on your own, though note, it gives a more solid feel. Anyway, head on forth into this well crafted tale.
This story actually starts off a bit nice, by this I mean. It does good enough to set a certain tone. The son of a farmer, who fails his test. Someone that doesn’t like to go out, being the oldest, and a loving mother that knows his concerns. Right off the bat though, I just have one complaint. Which is, the story needs more descriptions. When writing a Fantasy, it is about the details more often. Then mix that with the dialogue, and you have an amazing experience.
The story gives off a more familial conflict feel. Which, given that Jon and his father does not see eye to eye, this is more in direction of two points. That the guy keeps failing the farming test, and something about a council. I suppose, this is an interesting way to go about a story, I will give it that.
This tale takes more natural approach, I believe that is the better way to state it. How Jon does not want to be a burden, but others are cruel to him. While this is something I see all too well in works, I think this is a strange occurrence where it does work. That is my personal take on it. Logically speaking, given the genre. It is difficult to say how it will appeal to readers.
From what can be seen, Jon is on the slower side. Which others are more inclined to insult him on it, rather than working with it. I will note, this is a very sensitive topic, and I am not sure if it is being progressed correctly. One of the reasons for enough details, since it will help to identify if this is being done correctly. On one hand, it is completely okay to have this character. On the other side, depending how it is done can deter or bring in readers.
Alright, so what is given. Jon is definitely one of the more likeable characters, well…not in story-wise. Anyway, he isn’t a person that likes violence, but tends to find himself in trouble. This is typical I guess I can say, and works out with the story itself really.
Overall, this is a solid enough read. I believe this is supposed to be cultivation. Which, it does present an interesting premise. There is one thing to note though, the story really begins at about chapter 7 or 8. This is about the time when it comes far enough to grasp what kind of plot it is. Which I will add, this is really pushing it. Many readers leave by the first, and then there is myself, who is patient enough to give it five chapters. If I am to get a solid idea by the seventh or eighth chapter, then I don’t know if I would have stuck around that long. Anyway, that aside. This story is definitely on the slower side, and I recommend giving it some time, at least until chapter 8.
A solid enough story I can say, with a few things to take note of. Separate dialogue from body text, I do not recommend using parenthesis, and some things are better written out than simply stated. The connecting point, is that, all three can break immersion. Now this aside, the story is engaging, and it does strike a level of curiosity.
Alright first off, author did mention there are grammar problems. I will suggest using an audio reader app. Just copy and paste your work into it, and have it read the work back to you. This is very handy in spotting out most errors yourself, the rest comes in time.
Now then, that aside. I would first like to forewarn. Um...this is quite a story. It starts off with smut, and really this is probably a good way to have people turn away almost immediately. However, the story does seem to have some sort of plot to it. Given that there are slaves, that are willing to endure anything, and I mean 'anything.'
There seems to be some kind of governmental influence, which I guess makes this story somewhat distopian? I think that is the fairest term to use. It gets quite graphic, with its comparison with pleasure and pain. Which, my personal take on it. There are quite a bit of different ways to write each piece of this.
Though, if the story is going for that disturbing feeling, then I gotta give it a pass. It did well on this factor, and might be worth giving it a shot. The characters seems to be hardwired in, this makes sense given the type of influence around.
Overall, I would advise going in with caution. It is worth checking out, to at least test the water. Given the genre it is going in, I have to fairly assess, it would do well within it. Just two things I would recommend.
1. Separate dialogues from body text.
By doing this, it prevents the breaking of immersion. When transitioning along, it takes the reader out of the story, if they hit a wall. By that I mean, the person will tend to stop, and have to readjust to the body or dialogue. By separating it, this makes the story a lot more readable to say.
2. I understand you're trying, and I always encourage that. Doing your best is how you improve. With that, there are many ways to word the same thing, but in a different way. I feel by adjusting that, you'd retain a lot more.
A cultivation story, that starts off more with action. Getting into the bloodline and other things like this. Right off the bat, I did notice something too unrealistic to even be a part of it in a sense, but hey, I am going with it. I think my only real issue is what I see all too commonly. Please, separate dialogue from the body text. Think about this, when transitioning from a dialogue into description, and likewise. If there is a break, it is more easily able to be adapted towards.
When within the same body, it breaks immersion, and causes the reader to have to readjust. Moving along, Shao Qing. Which let me add, if you are writing to a western audience, it isn’t a good idea using names that are difficult to remember, even if the story is cultivation. That aside, it looks like that guy was punished after losing his fight, and cannot cultivate for a number of years. The story then does a time skip, which I suppose if it clarifies later on, then all is good.
Anyway, it moves along to after he is free, and really another issue is how fast things are progressing. On top of this, there isn’t much expansion of the world. This is an issue, in which it also breaks immersion. On one note, the story is doing well in the character and conflict. Then on the other side, it is lacking in necessary detail.
The story then moves along into the basics you’d expect, materials, cultivation, etc. Around the fifth chapter is when things start to take off I believe, which is a good point I would say.
Overall, in comparison to others I have read. I’d say to give this story a chance. While a bit rough around the edges, I believe there is a charm to it. All I would recommend is for the author to slow down, and take more time to expand. Other than this, I think it has solid potential.
Crushed, that is one way to start a work. I…I gotta give credit there. Lesson of the day kids? Pay attention. That aside, the story starts off a bit different I suppose to say. Not by much, just a little. With it being at a hospital, and then the process showing how it got to this point. Quick suggestion immediately though, you are using a blend of third and first. Have the first person italicized, it becomes easier to differentiate, and won’t break immersion.
Remember, think about a wave, and when it hits something, it has to find some way around. Not the best example, but when someone is reading. When they are hit with something suddenly, they have to stop and readjust. Since the text is normal, I have to stop and switch to the first person narrative. This is a small issue that can be adjusted quite easily.
I thought this might be a bit more different, but I suppose not. An unwanted child, who her family wanted a son to be the heir. Another mistress birthed a male, and Estella is a mark of shame. I will be fair here, while I have seen this much too often, it does hold weight as a plot device, so I will give it that. If there is one thing I can add, not to the story. A bit more description would be nice, maybe a line or two more per paragraph. I should also add, that previous scene seemed to be from a book, so I suppose it does at least redeem itself a bit.
Anyway, it looks like Elaine is taking some sort of inspiration from Estella. As well as the book mentioning reprehensible actions, so there might be some connecting point there. I should note there is some confusion here, one of the reason to have a bit more descriptions. If I followed it correctly, it seems Estella is within Elaine, and observing from the inside out. Which if I am right, this is actually a promising way to do things.
So Estella and Elaine might be from the same family? If there is one thing I have to say, there is a level of mystery to it. Which I have to say is nice. Elaine possibly having Estella memories, that or projection. At this point, it is too soon to say. The story pretty much goes to Elaine recovering, and given how she is wondering how Estella survived to being an adult. It does look like there is some kind of conflict within the family. A connecting point I can make, is due to how they need a male heir, and the female was hated. This does present a pretty normal, but sensible conflict I will say.
Overall, I say give this story a shot. It provides a nice sense of mystery. There is also a feeling of dread as well. While the ideas are far from anything original, I have to say, this is made use of quite well. No complaints I have of the story. Aside from the few issues I mentioned, this is a solid one.