This story takes what we love about traditional fantasy, and brings life to the genre through phenomenal characterization. The author fascinates the reader with hints of what is to come--may it be through the magic system introduced early on, or in ways that unravel the world and reveal amazing things. I'll break it down.
The style is well done. I found it easy to read, and the chapters are nicely sized so I do not feel overwhelmed with the lore or happenings in each chapter. The author breaks it down into segments for each episode, which makes it bite-sized (by that, I mean 2k-3k average) and optimal for the chapter-by-demand style that Royal Road favors. That said, the episodes being split up do not diminish the quality and I found myself favoring this over having too many words presented in one sitting.
I found nothing wrong with the grammar--that, mixed with the impressive writing style, is what makes this story such an easy and fascinating read.
It is a story that manages to build suspense quickly without sacrificing quality. Cathal puts the characters in dire situations that establish the risk they take with their decisions, as well as what makes this world a dangerous place.
In chapter one, Cathal provides insight that they are willing to kill a child off, which builds such a drastic level of suspense. That said, the pacing of the paragraphs surrounding it, as well as the next few chapters, help even out the shock of such a violent and cruel world.
The author builds a lot of the character's motives and desires through the use of dialogue, which I found fitting for the environment and the number of people our main characters are introduced to and surrounded by.
I may be biased, but I love a MC with a chip on his shoulder. Drest is a character that desires revenge, and while his cocky attitude may be unfavorable for some readers, I think it adds spice to the story.
In such a cruel world, where the innocent are being blamed and the young are getting tossed to the side and killed, it makes sense that Drest is cold and confident in his capabilities.
Katarin is fiesty, as well. Where Drest is more of a calm and collected revenge seeker, Katarin brings fire to the table. She is willing to burn an empire to the ground without batting an eye, and I loved it. Chaos is hard to control, and as an author I see Cathal taking these two characters and allowing their flames to be free.
That said, I've never seen chaos so controlled. Overall, this story blew me away and I think that the level of action, suspense, and stakes all harmonize to create a story that will be difficult to be set down. I cannot wait until the "next chapter" button starts working again :)
I will start by saying that I was warned this is fanfiction, and despite that fact, I fell in love with the story and felt like I was well aware of what was happening, who was who and had a clear understanding of the roots of this story. So that deserves major props, PennedUpMuse. Not many can make fanfiction seem so natural!
Now, to break it all down...
I commented on this in the story because it blew me away, but I love this author's style. It was, by far, one of the best aspects and I envy the prose this author was able to put across the page. They are a master with their words, and the flow of each sentence and sequence made sense. Well crafted, and little error regarding consistency as well. Beautifully written, and that is the truth :)
I found nothing wrong with grammar. While I am not picky with this, it felt very polished and overall I had a fantastic time reading this. Good job here as well.
The story is what earned the 5 stars for me. Destiny is a scary thing to face, and the author placed the reader in a place where they felt that fear. The characters presented on the page are responding to this fear realistically, and everything is set up at a natural pace that feels neither rushed nor slow.
I can see how the two archetypes of these characters will contrast (and compliment) each other to make a truly riveting story. The author knows how to move the audience, and with such vivid characterization, it will be hard to pull your eyes away.
As hinted above, the characterization was phenomenal. It helps that the author knows when to provide immaculate detail and when to suggest microexpressions and anxiety, but overall I felt connected very quickly. That is something that is so crucial with these stories that are chapter-on-demand, but it's difficult to do without sacrificing the pace of the story.
I congratulate the author on figuring out a way to build characterization, build suspense, and build the plot in a way that harmonizes it all in the end.
I specifically enjoyed the way the author conveyed Mav's frustration in chapter seven. The little details about how he is fidgeting, moving, and interacting with the world is the way good writing should be.
I am unfamiliar with the origins of this fanfiction, but that does not mean the story is confusing to me. The author makes sure to convey any information required to understand the happenings of this world, and they convey it well. That said, hidden in these first seven chapters is a promising story that deserves to be read.
It deserves to be enjoyed, commented on, and applauded. It starts with a beautiful style and keeps ahold of you as a reader with the interesting plot build-up and creative characterization. I would like to see this transfer with the side characters, but it is still very early on. I am sure important side characters will come to play.
Read this story if you want a fascinating fantasy that takes what is known, and twists it to become something new. The start to something that is surely a breath of fresh air.
I love cyberpunk as a genre, despite me being relatively unfamiliar with it (and a beginner when it comes to writing it). That said, this author brings the elements of cyberpunk that we love (Greed, Corporate Corruption, and Danger), and brings a creative, fun twist to it.
The style of this author was one of the things that drew me out of it all. It was very quick to the point, and while fluff is overwhelming to a certain point, I found myself craving some fluff. Give me the marshmallows, dang it! :)
Now that I made a marshmallow fluff joke, let me break it down for you. The author has given us a beautiful sci-fi story, that is for sure, but the writing is very simplistic. I want to know the emotions behind the character, I want to understand what their motive is and why they are doing what they're doing. Does it make them angry? Does it make their face twitch?
These details are not necessary for every scene, of course, but adding these when appropriate will help bring these amazing characters to life even more!
I know I'm not the pickiest with grammar, but I didn't notice anything that brought me out of the story. Good job here!
The story, as I said, is phenomenal. The systems the author has introduced with Puck and his love for gambling is phenomenal, however, I think I'm missing some characterization from the lack of fluff I mentioned above. It is super minor, and I'm only noting it in this review because I think the story and characters introduced are phenomenal. If the author were to go in and edit, I'd suggest adding these micro details and microexpressions to help strengthen the interesting story (and, in the end, make the characters all that much more believable)!
This is notable in Chapter 7 when there is an explosion. I felt disconnected from the character as he recovered. Sure, he was not hurt, but I think it would be far more disorienting than it was conveyed. Here is a good place to add some fluff to fatten up the story. What was he feeling? Why was it disorienting (or, if it was intentionally not disorienting, why wasn't it?) These things would make it a 5/5 across the board!!
I mentioned the characterization issues in the story score, but I will not dock it off the character score because, well, I love Puck. I think his motives for what he does are realistic, and I found him likable and engaging. His conflicts are realistic to both the time and plot, and the way he deals with said conflicts brings out his archetype. I feel the fact that he is a gambling addict in the midst of a Cyberpunk era, and I am all for it.
Overall, this is one of the most interesting and unique Cyberpunk stories I've read, and I appreciate what the author is trying to convey here. I think this has the ability to take over Royal Road and revive a genre that I wish I saw more of!
Eligos has mastered their craft. I was blown away by the way they encorporated their story onto the page so masterfully. One of my favorite things about this story is the way Eligos introduces their main character and makes them feel fleshed out, real, and genuine. I am not the most familiar with time loop stories, but I can tell this author put their heart and soul into making it a good one.
Eligos's style is one of those things that really popped off the page for me. I found myself intrigued and drawn into the world they were creating, and the characters they were introducing. I have felt this once before with another story on the site, and I can say the feeling never left over the 12 chapters I read and enjoyed.
One thing that is often lacking on self published and indie stories is the lack of descriptiveness--or, as a counter, an author who makes things far too descriptive--but Eligos has maintained a healthy balance. I loved every piece of scenery and emotion they conveyed, and I know I'll continue to love it just as a result of their style.
As stated, I am not the most familiar with time loop stories, but I enjoyed this one. I might not be the best critic for the genre, but I do consider myself a good critic of story--and this one is good. The pacing was done well, and Eligos managed to make the beginning interesting enough for a chapter-on-demand (i.e, Royal Road, Wattpad, Scribblehub, et cetera) type of platform, but kept it polished enough where it could transfer to KU or other publishing methods easily. Incredibly impressed there.
I noticed little to no errors, and any I did notice were shrugged off because the writing style and story was enough to make it an afterthought. Overall, it seems incredibly polished and I found nothing to critique.
As stated earlier, this is my favorite part of the story. Cairn is a character that is 3D in a 2D book. His emotions pop off the page and come to life. As Cairn struggled, I felt it. As he laughed, I smiled. It is something that a lot of indie authors fail to represent, at least in the early drafts, and I thank Eligos for making this happen. The side characters are enjoyable, too, and each have characteristics that either compliment or contrast Cairn.
It is a no brainer to give this story a 5 across the board. Eligos put passion into this project and it's a passion I will gladly read the rest of. I am fond of the character they've created as they overcome the struggles of this loop they're stuck in and the torment it will cause them along the way. This story is dark, and luckily I am not fearful of the things that go bump in the shadows of this book.
I applaud you, Eligos, and I am looking forward to the rest of this tale (Side note: as one of the slowest readers possible, even if it takes 5 years, I will finish this book. And gladly, too)!
This story is one to turn heads. The writing is exquisite, and the power beneath the dialogue is what sets this story apart from others. It mimics the feel of a professional book, and I was specifically impressed with the synopsis.
The author takes us on an adventure around with Phynley, we experience a tale so unique and intriguing it can only be compared to a masterpiece. I am astounded by the writing style, and the only reason I took away was that the story was indeed dialogue-driven. While this does not take away from the enjoyment of the story, I felt I craved some of the inward reflection. For an e-reading platform, this story is perfect. If the author ever plans to publish, I would suggest adding some inward reflection and such to add to the meat of the story :)
The characters are unique, lively, and jump off the page. I loved the way they interacted with people, and the dialogue felt true and relatable. I loved it, and the author should harness this skill because so many stories have such flat dialogues.
All in all, this story is unique and fascinating, taking the reader on a journey through a strangely familiar world that was housed with its own quirks. The author takes us on an adventure on the collapse and rise of a hero, the pros and cons to this power, and how it can change the life of our MC as they explore the world around them.
I will not lie. I'm very biased towards fantasy, and this story checks off all of my boxes.
The only thing I could complain about is the short paragraphs--but that is the nature of e-readers. I'm very biased towards the longer, more traditional paragraphs. The fact that this is the only thing I could complain about tells you something!
The style of this author is so clear and concise, and the flow between paragraphs is well done. I envy the way Zat conveys this story, it is something I cannot achieve as a writer and the praise this story is getting is well deserved.
The characters are amazing and realistic--which is something given the MC is a lizard monster. I found myself wanting to learn more about them, and follow them through this journey. They're simple thoughts, which ties into the style that was intended for this story. I'm impressed that reading about a monster/non-human MC is so enthralling.
Overall, this is a phenomenal read. It deserves it spot on trending, and it deserves to be top rated on the site :)
The premise of this story was phenomenal, and the idea of the story was well executed. I found myself enjoying the first six chapters, and I know I will continue to enjoy the coming chapters as I keep on reading :)
The grammar is well-executed, and I found trouble finding things to suggest. Well done in that department :)
The author's style is something I found a little hard to get used to. I think this is because I am also a writer, and not just a reader, but the style is very different from my own and it took a while to get into the right mindset. That being said, once I was able to put myself in the right place, I found myself enjoying the premise.
The story is the only thing I could tick down on, and that is because of the way the writing style is portrayed. I think it might be because the style of comedy just isn't to my taste, or simply just not a writing style I'm used to, but it drew me back. Something small, and probably due to my own bias, which is why I only ticked it down .5 star!
I quite enjoyed the characters in this story! They provide life to the story, and each one has their own personality and qualities that are put forth to the bigger picture. Moving puzzle pieces that feel real, feel unique and are nice to follow. One of my favorite aspects to this story was the characters! Which is good, at least in my eyes :D Characters are hard to portray, but the author has portrayed them well.
For a style that I'm not used to, this was a phenomenal piece of writing. I enjoyed it and will keep reading it to see where this "Ordinary" adventure takes me :)
Alright, so I'm a novice with asian/anime culture, but this story had me hooked. There are a few reasons why. I'll break it down in the format every RR writer and reader like to see.
The characters fit well in this world. A dark, bleak and otherwise depressing narrative is lightened by realisit characters who respond to the things thrown at them, well, realistically. This is where the story takes an anime-turn, with the mannerisms and dialogue mimicking that of an anime story/manga, but I was all for it. It was unique, interesting, and well done. I am a fan of the manga style, so that may be why I enjoyed this author's characters and styles so much.
The MC's condition, which I'll keep broad to avoid spoilers, is so phenomenally written and was one of the biggest things that created the tone for the story. I am only 9 chapters in, but I will definitely keep up with this story just for the character. Such a good premise for a dark story.
Pretty much summed up at the end of my character breakdown. I liked it, but if you aren't a fan of manga/anime style shows and stories, you might find an issue with the style. HOWEVER, it is WELL done, WELL, written, and keeps me invested. I still HIGHLY recommend it if you are on the fence.
I didn't notice any grammar mistakes. As a few other reviewers have said--they can find things that make them go "eh" on style (not me, though), but the grammar was next to perfect. Bravo!
The STORY! Oh my gosh, the STORY is fantastic. I am a sucker with a dark dystopian story that has characters put through hell--this story does it so well. The author takes their interesting style and mixes it with massive world-building that I, as an epic fantasy writer, envy. The author manages to do it in such a way that doesn't overload the reader, but really provides beautiful imagery that I loved reading. Next to the characters, it was my favorite part of the story.
Overall, I'm very impressed and pleased. I can't wait to keep on reading :)
I am impressed with the way you shaped this character and conveyed their personality on paper. It is realistic, I feel like I am watching this story unfold with the descriptive elements you have implemented.
The pacing is quick, but I have never minded a quick story. It keeps me interested, and for a web novel, keeping readers on their toes is the secret art form that not many authors can master (myself included). This story will continue to be a success if they keep this up, I am impressed!
This sci-fi, isekai/gamelit story is something that is so foreign to me, but so amazing. I had a blast reading this, and the author put a lot of time into making this story.
The motivations of this MC is realistic, and I found myself really diving into why the protag was doing what they were doing, and searching the way they were. Everything makes sense, and that's one of the hardest things to do. Especially in this genre.
Another thing I appreciated was how there was a learning curve for this MC, they are not OP at the very beginning which is something a lot of authors in this genre miss. Not every hero is born to be a hero--they must alter themselves and their abilities to do what they set out to do. That is really what makes this story so unique: the realistic MC in a genre that can so easily make characters unrealistic. Amazing job! I can't wait to read more.