I wanted to like this story, but I couldn't.
Don't get me wrong, i'm usually fine with stories like this, where a character goes from place to place beating up shit, getting stronger, solving every single problem, and having everyone compliment them all the while. It's a guilty pleasure for sure, but these kinds of stories have their moments.This? Yeah, nah.
What didn't I like about it?
The characters. They have no personality whatsoever, as much as the author would like to pretend that they do. Ilea in particular is just about as cookie cutter as they come, and has no personality outside of making sad jokes and fighting.
The dialogue. Most characters sound like tweens, even the older, supposedly mature ones. It's painful. Also, Ilea's innerse voice is incredibly obnoxious. The author wants her and other characters to sound funny, but they're not. It's so heavy-handed that it brings you out of the story.
The story. Again, i'm fine with these kinds of stories, but this just drops the suspension of disbelief rock-bottom. Read one arc and you've read them all, with minor, very slight chances.
What did I like?
Just about everything else, especially the magic system and writing style.
I don't like it, but I can see why people do.
It's not perfect, but this story has been a lot of fun.
I'm especially enjoying the mash between sport and system. Maybe it's just because I like sports, but it feels like a seamless pair. I usually don't even really like systems, or litrpg in general that much. Watching our guy improve and gain recognition has been, and will definitely continue to be something to like about the story.
I'm also liking the system creator and his moments in the story. He reminds me of the gods in The tutorial is too hard, especially how he just seems like a regular guy, mentioning how he works in an office and what not.
On to what I'm not liking so much. Dialogue and character. It's not horrible, but the dialogue can be pretty cringe worthy, and the characters feel flat. We're early into the story, so I'm sure the author will improve, but right now, it's not great. Like in the very first chapter, I almost didn't continue reading based on the dialogue and characters thoughts alone. But I am glad I did continue.
So, yeah. It's been fun, and i'm sure it'll get even better. Give it a go.
I like the synopsis, but the first three chapters are a bit of a mess.
First, the good.
Few noticeable grammar mistakes.
Some nice setting description.
First chapter. It's confusing, but not in a good way. It's also boring. There is a lot of stuff happening, but it all just feels pointless.
Painful dialogue, characters and their interaction.They read like teens, but i'm pretty sure they're young adults, if not adults. I also don't like the way they are reacting to their powers, it feels unnatural.
Story direction. It feels frenzied and directionless. Sometimes this can work, not this time.
Yes, this is probably the best litrpg, and one of the best stories in general on the site. It's bloody brilliant in almost every way. Right-o, let's talk about a flaw.
The cat. Donut. Princess Donut.
To put it bluntly, she's annoying. Like, really annoying.
I know that she's intentionally annoying, but still. It's a little too much. It's not even like she needs to be removed. If her sass were only toned down a little, dungeon carl could be a practically perfect litrpg.
Of course, i'm sure many will disagree with me, but that's fine.
Yes, yes. It's well-written, but let talk about the main character.
Don't worry, i'll try to contain my contain my overflowing praise.
Vita, our leading lady. A quirky, pitiable, bantering, orphan, thief that's not like all the other quirky, pitiable, bantering, orphan, thieves. She's speshal and has a heart of gold. Wow! I've never seen a character like that before. Also, hey look, she's a necromancer!
What's this, she's also one of those characters that SHOUT and swear about how they're "nOT goING To Sit BAcK anYmORe" because they've "cHAngeD"
In 8 chapters? Yeah, okay, that's reasonable.
She talks to herself for paragraphs about how hard her life has been and how worthless she is? Wow, I feel so sorry for her! I can't wait to see her grit her teeth and struggle to become the best mistborn there ever was!!
Everyone and their cat calls her "kiddo"? I love that.
Everyone either loves or hates her? Good, that's how it should be. If you don't love Vita, or agree with everything she says, you're basically a degenerate and i hate you.
She joins a team of quirky kiddos that will eventually come to worship her every footstep or perish, can't wait. Queen Vita, am I right?
All my homies love Vita, and i'm no exception.
Yep, it's still pretty early in, but I've had fun.
The dialogue and story are well-written, the characters are cute, the worldbuilding is steady, and it's made me chuckle more than a few times.
What else can I say? I don't know.
Read this story. It's good and will only get better.
Above anything else, this story is a lot of fun. You'll enjoy just about every moment.
In particular, I really enjoyed the characters, dialogue and story direction.
My only real gripe with the story is the dialogue, sort of. I love it and also kind of hate it at the same time. Yes, it's quippy and fun, but a nagging part of me shudders a little at how fake it sounds. Like, people aren't that snappy and quippy irl. Note: This is probably just me. I'm sure you love, or will love the dialogue.
The Mother of learning and worm comparison. Yeah, pretty much, though It's nothing like a ripoff. Time loop and superheros, I mean, yeah, it's pretty hard to avoid that comparison. As a massive fan of both web serials, hell yes, this is just about a dream come true. And void as the writer? An author with a pretty great track record, yeah, it's an instant classic.
Even if the ending is somehow fucked up, i'm sure this'll be a classic for years to come.
This story is going places. With an undeniable sense of self, enthralling character viewpoint and a story that doesn't take the easy route, you should definitely give this one a read.
What I like:
- Character viewpoint. Dom is an interesting character to follow in that, to me, he very much feels like an everyman. In a genre with plenty of self-inserts and wish fulfillment, this is a breath of fresh air.
- The system. It's lowkey, but that works. I like how it's daily life as usual for the people in the world. It helps keep the suspension of disbelief there. I'm unsure where it will be taken, but i'm interested in finding out.
- Descriptions. This is largely due to Dom's interesting viewpoint, but anyway. There are some pretty great descriptions throughout what little story we have so far. My favorite being when Dom is in the ocean, and he feels just how massive the sea is.
- Plot structure. The story has been turned on its head in one of the recent chapters, and I love that. The author definitely took a chance with it, but I think it worked out well. I can only hope things are changed enough in future, so as to keep things fresh.
What I dislike:
- Corny flirting. This isn't a major part of the story, so it seems, but I was really not for this when it took up like half a chapter. Just in general, I hope the author doesn't introduce romance, for fear that it may become corny.
- Side-character characterization. I'll be honest. Aside from Dom, i'm not feeling any other character. From where I sit, they read quite archetypically. You have brooding soldier Blake, innocent young lad Redmund, mysterious badass woman Hali. Don't get me wrong. It's not so bad that it makes the story unbearable, but seeing how well the author is doing with Dom, i'm sure that he can do better with the others.
- Deus ex machina. Okay, it wasn't done the worst, but I did roll my eyes. The thing is, I just saw it coming a mile away. Not in the specific way that it did, but that it would happen. I do like the direction that the story took due to the Deus ex machina, but the fact remains, for me at least, it was done poorly.
Let me start off by saying that this story is still better than a majority of xianxia out there. This is in large part due to the quality of writing. Most other xianxia just can't stand up to it. The story itself is also quite chill, though it does go a little too far with its infodumping and use of "the following morning she was so tired and sore but she soldiered on because bla bla bla." and "the rest of the month went quickly, she was focused on bla bla bla and bla, also bla." Not an exaggeration. Chapters start with a variation of these sentances like almost every chapter.
The worldbuilding is also decent, but nothing special. If you've read more than a couple xianxia, chances are you've seen an almost identical sort of world. And that's a shame, because some of the elements are interesting, they just aren't expanded on in any meaningful way. I feel a little less optimistic about characters, especially those given any sort of spotlight. Our MC herself, Ling Qi, has just about the most generic backstory and personality you'll find in fantasy. And that's not mentioning her backstory itself, which is ridiculous. An unschooled 10 y/o living on the streets for four years? What. How is she not malnourished, dead or worse?
My biggest problem, however, is the dialogue. Characters in the story constantly speak melodramatically, using long-winded and overly used phrases to convey the most simplest of thoughts. Conversations between Ling Qi and some of her classmates are just so painful to read, I physically cringe most of the time.
They just don't soundlike teens at all, and hey, I get it. A lot of these kids were raised in noble families. But our MC has never been schooled at all (that I recall) and grew up in a brothel, and then on the street for four years. Yet she speaks like a normal, 21st century teenager? Painful. It's almost a dealbreaker, but i'm still willing to see where it goes for now.
Yeah, okay. It's 11 chapters in. It has yet to even reach its stride. Still, I'm enjoying it so far. Take this review as a bit of encouragement to give the series a read.
I'll first talk about the story itself. So far, it's all about cultivation. Our protagonist is kidnapped by a sect, where she cultivates. Not much else has happened in the story. It's all treated in stride with a bit of humor and a light tone. I will just say though, the plot is rather simple so far, as typical of cultivation stories. As for how things will develop, it's hard to say. I just hope it will remain lighthearted.
As for the characters, there is our protagonist and the 4 side characters that were kidnapped into the sect at the same time she was. I won't claim they've been well-developed already, but they do have distinct personalities, which is already a one-up on most Xianxia out there. The protag especially seems like a fun las to follow. I like her chagrin towards farming despite being a farmer, I laughed when she mentioned the 'curse' of farming following her to cultivation.
As for the writing, it's neat. In that, I mean, it's easy to read. It's not prose on the level of some of the big-shots in fantasy, nor is it on the level of some of the worst typically hardly readable cultivation novels. Simplicity is perfectly fine for a lighthearted story like this. Grammar is likewise, neat. I have yet to notice any glaring errors, that's all I can ask for.
So yeah, that's about it. I'm enjoying it so far, and I really hope that the author won't abruptly stop writing, as is the fate of many cultivation stories here.