I seldom write reviews, but as an author whose story revolves around dragons as well, I couldn’t pass up on this fiction. So I’ll go over things starting from the best to the ‘worst’ (?) aspect of this fiction.
Really well done on the Grammar front, proper punctuations, breaks in sentences and paragraph length. While you could improve on your range of vocabulary, it has little to no effect on the flow of the story, the picture it paints or the expression of the characters.
There has been substantial character development for Vur as well as his interactions with other ‘side’ characters. It seems to progress at a relatively good rate and makes the readers look forward to how his attitude, manners and etiquette changes as the plot progresses.
The supporting characters, mainly the dragons, demons, elves, and humans have been painted in quite the detail starting from the appearances to their personalities and even their relationships with others. It’s a very good mix and keeps the readers engaged. Good job on that, I really appreciate a story that doesn’t focus only on the MC. They provide comedic relief at good intervals, substantial plot development, and at times, the feels.
This brings me to the story. The plot and general atmosphere of the story seem to be lighthearted, with no real grievances or tragedies that will weight down on the reader’s minds subconsciously. However, that in itself is also a point of improvement since there seems to be no definitive goal to the story’s plot as of now (Chapter 27) but i do see increasing tension that strains the relationship between the MC and the demon princess.
I wouldn’t say it is horrible, but it definitely has room for improvements. For example, with the constant change of POV that I see occurring in the earlier chapters, the author could possibly include a title at the start of each POV or location in brackets and different color or bold to help the readers transition better. with his current style, it leaves the readers wondering where the events are taking place until they read through the first paragraph.
Also with regards to the POV changes, I’m not entirely sure if the author intended to write it the way he did, or he just haphazardly wrote them as they came to his mind, but it would be good if he could standardize it each time he wrote. As long as it doesn’t affect the flow of the story that is. For example, he could standardize it at Vur’s POV > Human Kingdom > Demon Kingdom, and keep that structure for future chapters as well.
All in all, it is a really good read that I insist anyone who is even remotely interested in dragons to read. I hope the author continues writing this as it has plenty of potential and I could see it dominating the top charts in the very near future.
[Edit as of chapter 34]
Great improvement in the structure and style of writing. I seldom find myself addicted to fan made fictions, but this is one of the rare few aside from FC. Daily updates almost seem insufficient as i join the F5 army. keep giving me your daily dose before i call the narcs on you. =D
The story itself has an interesting plot, which i can see going and developing in several ways. The style of writing is good, with a third person view of the main protagonist allowing the author to put a significant amount of focus on other characters as well, giving readers a wide perspective of the environment and the MC’s interactions.
The grammar though, is horrid, but it is always an aspect that can be improved with a little effort and continuous writing. Or, the author could just get a PR. The thing that irks me the most though, is the main character. The author changes his personality as he sees fit, as long as it barely explains the Mc’s actions. For example, for an ex-hero who hates the kingdom and refuses to help, while it is arguable that he would help the kingdom for money, his attitude seems to take a sudden 180 degree turn when interacting with the new heros that he is supposedly going to train.
I hope that the author keeps his writing in check and makes sure there is some consistency in not only the MC’s personailty, but also any future key characters to come. A good way of doing so would be to plan out in detail what you would write, considering each character’s actions before actually putting it down in writing.
On a side note, here is my fiction, please do check it out.
Not a lot of LN can make me laugh lightly, but this one does. the sporadic comedy interjected throughout is really refreshing. the character seems to be a nice guy despite being "Death god" and its always leaves a good feeling to read a story where the MC isn't an extreme gone off case.
The style is very clear and concise, clearly stating a change in POV which is always appreciated and grammar is close to perfect. though there are some typos here and there, but they are insignificant and arent bad enough to be noticeable unless you are actually looking for them.
The story is an interesting take on an old concept with it developing quickly away from the usual template of these 'god descent' types of novels.
I am a huge fan of this FF. I read it once, then twice and then many more times after that. I read it when im happy, when im sad or when i simply have nothing else to do. This is a great story with awesome and in depth development of the character, the world around him and his past. keep up the good work.
The story’s premise is interesting and refreshing. I can see a lot of potential in this ff, but it needs a huge amount of work. Your grammar has a fair amount of loopholes and redundancies, making it quite a chore to read smoothly and concentrate on the story. However, the weakest link in the story is still your style. You randomly switch between first person and third person dialogue without any warning, resulting in major disruptions when reading because at times, the reader gets confused.
Getting a proofreader would help solve both problems if the proofreader is competent enough. Character seems like he has a lot to potential to grow and i sure hope you wont gloss over the key character development stories. Aside from that, i would say good job. Keep improving and im sure this will become a story that attracts heaps of attention