The story is founded on an overall good basis, but sadly loses a lot of good will through its style, so i will be putting that part of the review at the end because the other parts deserve to shine on their own.
The story is very fundamental, "disliked youth finds he has magical powers" setup, but not done overly melodramatic and it fits into the world nicely as far as it is set up. Sadly, within the first 15k words, very little actually happens due to exposition. 4/5
Nothing wrong or bad but overall uninteresting and not noteworthy. 3/5
The characters so far are believable and well played, their traits are visible but not turned up to ridicolousness. Some interactions feel genuine, however many emotions of the characters are still states just as that. The reader is bereft of any chance to interpret the characters themselves. 4/5
Sadly, the author knows exactly what's wrong with this, even announcing an exposition dump, as if it made the fiction any less horribly paced. There is *A LOT* of exposition in this story and none of it is done via any meaningful world building, character interactions or plot events. the reader basically sits through a ten page textbook article on this world's magic system. At times, the magic system seems to get more attention than the characters or story themselves.
Another thing is that the author has not yet acquired a broad and interesting vocabulary and relies on adjectives and blunt statements too much.
All this however can be fixed by a bit more experienced and well-thought-out writing, if the author invests the time necessary in honing these skills which should be elemental to writing captivating stories.
With experience, this could be revised to be an excellent story with good plot. As it stands now, it is a decent start for a beginner with solid room for improvements.
Style: The style is most likely my biggest gripe. I do not like LitRPG for various reasons, especially the (in my eyes) unnecessary gaming elements in what could still be a fine fantasy or Sci-Fi story. The language has most in common with very modern language, which ruins the immersion somewhat, especially when words like "cool" pop up.
Story: I mentioned my dislike for LitRPGs, but I must qualify that by stating that in this example, the story beneath the gaming elements is not something to be scoffed at. It starts rather timid and uninteresting, involving and NPC sort of "becoming" a player character without player in an MMORPG setting, but flows very naturally between events and story beats. Later, the story hints at unique and interesting fates in the setting of the world. The setting or world itself is not too eye-catching and confuses not witrh endless lines of background
Grammar: There is nothing especially wrong or right with the grammar. The author's vocabulary at times seems poor or at least misapplied. Word choice can also be somewhat jarring as with the aforementioned vernacular.
Character: The characters are where the fiction so far shines, with some good character building moments, although one particular character development seems to come out of nowhere with no good trait supporting it.
Summary: I don't like LitRPGs, but this one was actually a good story behind those dreaded elements. Maybe I will read ona few chapters just to find out more about one aprticular character's fate, but we'll see.
I have read up to and including chapter 6.
Style: There is not much in the way of unique style. It is very plain and not wrong. The author clearly learned some basic writing rules and utilizes them at points, but also fails to do so at other points.
Story: There is A LOT of setup in the first few chapters, with hints at deeper and more meaningful storylines already running in the background, but it seems almost too much to follow. There is also a ton of exposition going on, especially about the magic system which seems to be very complex and well-thought out, most likely to set up the cultivation aspect of the work, but the system is so massive in its scope that the blocks of detailed explanations could use some trimming. There is an attempt to show rather than tell, but nobody can show this much with any semblance of grace. A shallower learning curve or a severely pruned magic system would have helped the work flow just a bit better.
Grammar: No significant errors found. The language is not bad but not quite poetic or elegant.
Character: there is a lot of family tragedy going on, social dissonances and a general difficult-lot-in-life underlying most aspects of the characters and the world. They interact with each other in a slightly stilted manner but overall, there is little negative to say about the characters.
Summary: There is a lot to find in this work, so much indeed that keeps dropping it's notes on what it sets out to do. A bit more focus could set this story and these characters on a great path forward. It remains entertaining and interesting and the characters are worth following, even if they are very well prepared to tug at our heartstrings a bit too heavy.
Disclaimer: This is a review of merely the first chapter, 8 hours after publication. It is meant to represent the most basic impression one can get from a quick dip into this quite new work at the time.
Style: A mix of journal entry and reliable third person narrator with a rich and varied vocabulary that is also showing a hint at dry sarcasm. Sadly, the author has not yet learned some more refined rules of writing are not yet learned. The willingness of the author to learn is the best path to improvement.
Story: Nothing actually happens in the first chapter. As in: the character wakes up and a guard looks at him. That is all that *actually happens*.
Grammar: There are a few hiccups with more daring sentence structure, but overall it is comfortable to read and makes sense.
Character: Generally there is a lot of background explanation. It is without a doubt declared that there is a rich history behind the characters and their relationships. Too bad what this relationship exactly is or who the people even are is not declared in the same way.
Verdict: a promising read that hints at much and shows very little. Not to be snubbed for now, let's see how that style and language hold up.
[I have read up to and including chapter 8]
This story seems to be hampered by its own impatience to get points across. It seems to be stuck in "tell, don't show" for large portions of chapters.
The narration style is clean cut and straight to the point. There is little wrong with it, but also little exceptional or especially good. Descriptions of environment, actions and events take easy paths with a small vocabulary certainly making the story easy to read for non-native readers, but at the same time bland in terms of language.
In terms of genre, the story sticks to a very simple and basic Isekai+Reincarnation+GameLit structure. Even the character begins to think in gamer terms and it is obvious from early on that we are going to be shown mostly the protagonist climbing up the power ladder with ease and admiration.
The story spends most of its time telling and explaining, rather than showing and moving. Most of the characters up to chapter 8 seem to exist solely to give exposition and background knowledge, including the protagonist. As with the actual events, promise is certainly there, a little village that endears itself to the reader, but like all else, it is buried under stylistic and character errors.
A rough and bumpy ride and many phrases seem either stale due to a lack of vocabulary or stilted due to an attempt to perk it up farther than it reaches.
The protagonist is apparently supposed to be empty and blank so the reader can project themselves onto him, going so far as the character themselves believing they are bland and empty. The story could have gone for a gradual character development that goes from 0 to 100 in terms of crass personality, but it instead then crams several arcs worth of character development into a few paragraphs and a timeskip. It could have pulled off either well, but instead it tries to have its cake and eat it and fails at both.
A troubled MC who is unable to take two steps without stumbling over grand revelations in a Sci-Fi works that has been taking its vitamins and did not skipleg day. So far, five chapters of more questions than answers and a story that just can't get ahead at an agreeable pace.
Style: Not as direct and easy to understand for non-native speakers, but definitely a good one that uses evocative language to a highly successful degree, albeit many questions about the surroundings remain and some things are either never explained or not explicitly enough, such as what a mirador or IIT is.
Story:Overall, the story delves into some mythologically-inspired grand story threads, all layered behind a fun and highly-developed Sci-Fi narrative, but this layering is exactly what could put readers off; the main narrative of the MC suffers quite a bit from parallel developments that hype up a role on an epic scale for an MC who is already exalted by fate and birth. These parallel developments havent found together to a solid single narrative with a clearly visible goal to strive towards by chapter 5, but they surely hint at promising things, although one reveal seemed counter-intuitive and silly at first glance.
Grammar: Flawless with some the exception of some careless mistakes.
Characters: The talking, intelligent corgi and the chibi pixie hologramm AI waifu (pictures included, nice) make it kind of obvious where the author got the inspirations from, but it still plays into good dialogue and make sense internally, to some degree. Sadly, due to constant dream-sequences, I cannot actually say whether these characters are one-trick-ponies or really deeper than the witty dialogue.
In the end, I have to admit that this is one of the more interesting and inspired stories on this site and the themes used in it were certainly ones I would have loved to pick up, had I written Sci-Fi myself yet.
I heartily recommend you give this a read!
This fiction has some serious potential,if the author manages to eradicate some generall roughness and a few more difficult issues.
The writing style in general is very rough, riddled with many errors and not well thought-out phrases. All the errors are typical for a newby to the art of writing and can be rectified with just a bit of polish and practice.
The story starts very strong but then goes into a lull as it slows down and finally seemsto forget almost everything about itself to go off into a completely different direction. It was engaging at first but then turned into a series of exposition-dumps.
The grammar score suffers mostly from very minor things misapplications of commas as well as some mixups of homonyms, like "to" and "too".
The characters are in no way bad, just badly presented through an unsuited style that fails to engage the reader much. It is less an issue of the characters and more of the unrefined lens we currently have to see them through.
Overall i think this is one of the stories that could turn out to be great but should best be returned to later when the author has reviewed their writing thoroughly for the first time.
Tokyo in the near future, future-gadgets, techno-trerrorism, beefed-up crime-fighting unit. It's all here. What you Cyberpunk-heart desires is all here.
The story does not move much in the first three chapters, but it moves fast. It does not slow down for needless exposition and instead focussed on heartpounding action, describing the events in vivid images that sem to slow down time for the reader - albeit sometimes too detailled with exact descriptions of directions, objects and actions. But almost all of the times, it conjures up amazing scenes in the reader's head. And in the back, there is some sort of mystery, just the slightest hint, if the reader looks for it.
The style and language are very well-honed. Sometimes a stumbling english comes through, but it never falls, always picking the imersion back up.
The characters are drawn one layer at a time. No endless backstory is heaped onto the reader. Instead, the thoughts and actions of the characters reveal bit by bit, what they have gone through, what impact it had made on them, and how their fates might be connected. Even the Prologue character, seemingly a throwaway, is interesting enough, not just as a character for a different PoV, but also as a part of the world.
The world is set in the near-future, using events that the reader will surely remember themselves, and new, fictional events to tie together a believable world acting as a backdrop for the action.
So, if you're a fan of Cyberpunk and crime-fighting action, put on your angled sunglasses, disable you adrenaline-dampeners and turn up some funky synthwave, because this story is going to take you on a ride.
The world the author has dreamt up as the setting of this novel is simply amazing. How this amazement is delivered however, makes the amazement a very one-sided thing, as sometimes, the awe the author has for their world seems at odds with his ability to bring it across.
The characters seem badly paced in their reactions and actions, as if a part of their arc had been cut out and abridged into a sinlge sentences without weight.
The author also tries to overwhelm the reader with an endless amount of intricate descriptions and does not let go off their verbose style during action scenes, which slows the reading down at the worst times.
In the first chapters are several allusions to video games, so it comes as an ironic twist that, the way many things are explained in detail, makes it seem as if the reader is playing through the tutorial of a video game that thinks the player is a braindead idiot and tries to introduce every element and mechanic to the player within the first 30 minutes.
To drive my point home, I'd like to take an earlier section as a perfect example for the story's own shortcomings. A physically impeded character is transported to a world of unlimited physical boundaries and decides to take a run, after so many years of living in a crippled body. Understandably, this would be a very important moment in the character's development and personality, and it is said that she takes in very many different impressions, yet the entire thing takes up only a medium-sized paragraph and is without any vivid descriptions.
It's understandable, that the world is beautiful and fantastic, but it would be better to let a slow discovery tell us that, rather than give us an omniscient tutorial-character to explain everything.
There exists a great vision in the author's imagination, but they just can't seem to free that vision and bind it into words, leaving its true beauty invisible. As the author will improve, they should revisit earlier chapters and re-arrange things, giving characters unique attitudes and chip away the unenecessary and excessive, to let the necessary and impressive shine through.
Good luck to the author in that endeavour. This world and story is a gem worth polishing.
The story begins with a nameless opening, leaving the exact events unclear and interesting until they are later visited. Sadly, the story then goes on with entire chapters of pure exposition. Not only does the backstory they tell feel empty and meaningless, but also is it unnecessary to understand the plot, so it feels like a long pause before the story moves on to the backstory of the protagonist, which is much less boring, but told in a long-winded passage about the same few character traits (It is made absolutely clear how good the protagonist is at sneaking and why, many many times).
Finally some action happens, and it too is long-winded, trying to impress the reader with grand words written into simple and vulgar sentence structure.
The author's skills in the English language are mostly sufficient to get a story across, but not enough to skillfully tell it. Where the author makes mistakes it is easy to guess what they meant, but the simple and sometimes wrong sentence structure takes the reader out of the action too many times.
With some better skills in english grammar and writing styles, the author could write an intruiging story about a well put-up character, but so far, it seems the author is more convinced of the character's greatness than capable of expressing. A promising premise buried under problems.