Matthew Thorne

Matthew Thorne

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The Gamer's core

Recommended, But Could Use Some Work

Overall Score: 3/5

Style Score: 3/5

The story's style is a bit jumbled, and more than a little confusing at times. Scenes often feel rushed or mixed up, and they could use some smoothing out.  The saving grace on this score is the fact that there is some style that works in the story, and it's still coherent most of the time.

Story Score: 3.5/5

The story's decent, and it's clear that there's some foresight and planning to the story, but the story's pace feels rushed, and the things that affect the story in major ways don't make a lot of sense. There are two specific instances of this, and only two of the 'major' things. In addition, a fair bit of what's going on in the story seems to conflict with itself and seems to be there in favor of pushing the plot forward.

Grammar Score: 2/5

While the story itself is readable, there are a lot of errors, such as extra words, missing words, sentences that simply make no sense, and wordings that make no sense. There's also no separation between dialogue and non-dialogue, and if several characters are talking, it can be hard to tell who, exactly, is talking.

Character Score: 2.5/5

While the characters do, to a degree, feel like people at times, a lot of their actions or decisions make no sense, and some of the characters - specifically, Damien himself - tend to make choices that don't fit in with their backstory personality.

Average Score: 2.75 Stars (rounding up to 3 Stars).

With a little bit of work on the grammar and fleshing out the characters and stories up to where the story itself has reached, these scores could easily be bumped up. I do recommend this story, as it kept my attention.