mor, I must have more of this story, if god may help me.
Since the beginning of the rewrite has begun, this review has to be changed.
You have done some parts well that other authors fail to do, to put in the MC's name with logic, and placed the divine origins inside of him, the other musical aspect is still a bit rough, but functional nonetheless.
Beginning of chapter goes Hototo at the start of every sentence, giving him a brutish outlook at first before he grew into the [ Redacted for the sake of future readers ].
Story has a decent premise. The brutality of the tribe gives a softer landing into the possible future of a dystopian empire *Wink*.
This... this has finally been fixed.
My past grievances about Monty are forgiven.
Look below for more specific but spoiler like stuff.
EVERYTHING MAKES SO MUCH MORE SENSE.
Age gap. People should be fine with it, it's 2019.
Divine energy void... I would prefer that fear of the origin to be more ingrained into the tribe's history, but it's fine.
Why are the 2 goddesses staying in the mortal realm? For over 8 months while they have to manage their worlds? ( odd )
That's it folks, nothing else.
Clandestine, you've made large improvements to your craft, and I shall watch closely for how this story turns out!
This stuff is good stuff, and I shall read it.
You should too.
Nothing bad so far that I can disconcert by its qualities; the writing from these first few chapters are superb!
I rather enjoy the amount of time you placed in the social structure of the whole thing, this ties the normally nonsensical purpose of the whole slave mining centered around the whole lizard-men to the real world, however stifled it is ( given that they are underground ).
The characters are a lovely bunch, the female's personality having no give or pull towards deviation so far, and even her actions place a heavy use on said personality. Child is a slight bit off putting, but his injection is not rejected. Orcs are the good old normal dumb orcs.
The unfairness and out-of-the-box social thinking is there, quite gang structured.
Overall, though rather short, this review simply wishes to highlight the natural-like and realistic character interactions and actions, though brief as well.
The following will be a short review.
The concept and plot are original, though with the odd hint of Xianxia every blue moon. Small equipment inductions and general feature injections are slow, but smooth, which makes it perfectly acceptable.
I personally don't like some parts of the dialog and formatting; someone else should, however. repeats of words:
“I would too!” Gylax laughed.
I take that back. Lochlan thought to himself before his face went red at that laugh. “That wasn’t funny.”
Not egregious, again, so still readable and enjoyable.
Slightly off putting around the edges, with the odd wording making his mother feel young for some reason.
Ah, this is my big spot of disfavourability.
Mother, as said, sounds gradually younger when talking to her son, though it's kept from full age reversion by constnat reminders of him being her son, though they feel too cordial.
Keeper: A thumbs up
Son: A small bit of hot-head, mixed in with overconfidance, with a large portion of adaptability after injury. Cliche, but a old classic that is still good to use.
Overall, other than my minor complaints, this story is pretty good to read!
I won't go too much in depth about the story, but what I will say is this:
The entire plot has been formulated in a slow, even pace, even if some events feel slightly forced, looking back, they make more and more sense.
I appreciate the great realism and logic in use, especially since it isn't used in the form that usually makes fun of the general game tropes ending in OPness, rather, the world has its own strange, yet understandable laws and rules, exploits that exist are hampered by the manual skill and extra time involved, often rendering the process only slightly more efficient than it's equivalent.
Magic mechanics + Skills 9/10
The above rating is simply because that while the magic mechanics themselves are superb, I must say that the skills awarded are strangely only built for some unknown plan or plot in the future, given their abrupt and oddly slight relation to the path or class.
God damn thing makes me feel like I'm living their lives ( though I was confused for a second about [ REDACTED ]'s Point of view and [ REDACTED ]'s. That parent thing though... golden.
Overall, a great story, one that I will continue to support and read.
From what I can tell, the premise and idea is quite well and good, apart from the sudden injection. Subtle details that normally give the story flavor are sometimes missed.
Characters are... fused together into a party by a lucky sequence of events, not unfavourable, but odd.
I imagine it was one of the only ways to get your MCs together, so not much deducted off of that.
Story requires more fleshing out, more history, more about the place they are in. Again, harder when surface thoughts are unviewable due to the multiple MCs, but the story runs a fair bit dry by simply assuming the reader can fill in the rest of the more.
Some grammer mistakes so far, but I believe that it will rise to be better as I read further.
Not pariticulary enveloping when reading, not quite enrapturing you in the story, said lack of fine detail contributes in this aspect.
I think, when compared to the other multitudes of stories on royal road, that this stoey is getting too little attention, despite some of it's flaws. I may not be qualified as a good writer myself, but I can see a start with potential when I see one.
Will be edited as read further.
My thought on this is that while the MC doesn't exactly flow into the badass-category, his apparent self-depreciation and rumination, along with the general realistic take of legendary classes with strong bonuses are quite nice.
That half-a-star off is only due to me getting thrown around by the poor capitalization in dialog, the story in its essence is more than enough to distract me from the small errors, though not enough to make me disregard it.
I would enjoy some background beforehand to the retorts of the common tropes of OP MCs, due to the abrupt injection of "Soldiers [text]" occurring only in the situation, not to make a reappearance or having some sort of reference in the entirety of the thing itself, having use only in that situation.
Sifting through the words of your novels are simply amazing, even if I re-read them! Looking through these sentences again, at the stunning attention to realism, and detail in each of the MC's actions are more than what the average writer can do on this site; myself included. Great job!