Looking for some Insight on writing style and flow of story
“The Strength of the wind might Blow,
Swaying even the mightiest of Woods;
But be not mistaken the Trees are proud;
They bow to none”
- Charon, High Druid
Faye, Daughter of Munn; an oddity in her Town of DewsBury. Frail and unable to stand being near her father’s forge. She roamed the hills of the countryside and the halls of the Church. She would study the Wind and learn all she could know about Aeyr the Lord of the Wind, for she Wished with her whole heart to be part of his devoted. To serve him as a Paladin.
The gods deemed to grant her wish, but not all was as she hoped. As she was thrown to another world far from her family and friends. In all her readings she had never heard of such occurrences beyond Fairy tales and Mythology. Yet here she was in a land unknown to her. With no weapons and no ability to note, Or so she thought.
-You aren't very consistent with a single character perspective. Taking a look at 'Consequences part 1' chapter you switch between Faye's and Hrag's perspectives constantly! Head-hopping is difficult to tolerate, and I can't stress that enough!
-If you was to get more advanced in writing, I'd also suggest doing a bit of research on 'filter words' (you over use them!).
My rant/guide for reference.
If you would like me to do a little bit of line editing and be more specific I wouldn't mind rifling through a google document.
Secondly I am never a writer before and primarily a Game master for dnd till now and so I'm used to telling stories through specific character's eyes and swapping perspective so I didn't even notice those things, same goes for the filter words. As to me it only makes sense to tell a tale to each character. The first person perspective is me trying it out mostly I just wanted to try to show what was happening although I was woefully unable to show her mental state properly.
Thirdly I'd certainly love if you would be so kind as to be specific/line editing dream come true honest. How best should that happen? PM?