Title and Description opinion

#1
Hello Everybody!

I need some help.  After not getting a lot of reads, I took a look at the basics- are the title and description interesting enough?  I am worried the answer is NO.  So, I am looking for some feedback on my title and description. 

The story is a scifi LITRPG-lite.


My current title is: Space Opera
A possible new title is: The Costa Brava Scenario, A Space Opera novel

Any thoughts on the title?



The original description (at the bottom of the post) is probably too long and not interesting enough.  What do you think of the 2 possible new descriptions?

New Description Choice 1:
Angie’s heart started beating again. After the betrayal, she almost wished it wouldn’t. Angie had spent 6 years of her life getting ready for this moment, the moment the competition would start, the moment her team would prove they were the best. Now, instead of supervising the engineering team, she needed to lead a squad of in-game players. It would be hellish, but she would go through gaming hell to lead her team to victory in the Space Opera VR systems challenge.



New Description Option 2:
Game On!

The Galaxy is a dangerous place. An interstellar scout tempts death with each step on a feral planet. A human merchant haggles with a conniving four armed Skipth. A captain tries to find a new hyper-jump loop through the unstable galactic core. Intelligent beasts with big teeth and nasty tempers fight a squad of Marines.
In a far corner of the Space Opera galaxy, a planet is ready and waiting for 21 squads of players. These squads are playing in a special competition with brand new developmental VR hardware. The engineers have it easy, they have to keep the VR systems running in real life. The players have it hard- they have to win the scenario to prove the amazing new VR hardware really is great.

The game starts in t-minus 4 hours….


Old Description:
How do you get fame, fortune, mountains of money, and validation of your life?

Easy, win the Space Opera VR Systems Challenge.

How do you win the Space Opera VR Systems Challenge? Follow these 5 easy steps:

Step 1. You and your team spend years and years developing and refining a virtual reality system that interfaces perfectly with the most popular Sci-Fi VR MMORPG in the world Some would even say it is the most popular game in the world.

Step 2. Enter the Space Opera VR Systems Challenge and prepare to beat 20 other teams who all want to win the fame, fortune, mountains of money, and life validation. Throw that in the face of all of those geek haters.

Step 3. Find a squad of players who will play Space Opera using your amazing VR equipment. The game developers have even set aside a special quadrant of space for this challenge.

Step 4. Have your squad survive the game long enough to show off your fantastic VR equipment and seamless interface into Space Opera game. The judges and game developers are looking for the best of the best and your squad is the beta test. If your squad dies, you probably lose the competition. If your real world VR hardware breaks, you definitely lose the competition.

Step 5. Win the Space Opera VR Systems Challenge. All you have to do is impress the judges and game developers with spectacular equipment that is tested in the Space Opera game (see Step 4).
Remember if you lose, years and years of work and time ad sacrifice will go up in the smoke of failure. If you win, there are patent sales, lucrative job offers, the admiration of jealous peers, and the satisfaction of showing friends and parents that you have not wasted all of your college and grad school years in an engineering lab instead of having a thriving social life.

Note: In the event of catastrophic betrayal by your squad of players when they abandon you hours before the competition, please scramble to assemble a squad out of anybody you know and hopefully trust. Then return to Step 3.

Team Bloop never considered the possibility of betrayal until it happened. Years of work and effort all hinged on the squad that Team President Angie could assemble. Then all they would have to do is win.



All of your thoughts and suggestions are welcome.

Many Thanks!

RE: Title and Description opinion

#3
I like the old description, but you need to shorten your points so they create impact. Make them bullet point length if you can.

Also, try switch out your cover art for something more RoyalRoad style. I find that makes a huge impact in getting views. Look at the more popular stories for examples.

Another thing I read is to capitalize all of your chapter names. Apparently, this makes them more appealing overall.

I don't think it's the writing part that's bogging you down.

Hope this helps