RE: I'm willing to edit anyone's story description.

#41
For the story 'Heroics of an Overlord': https://royalroadl.com/fiction/13309/heroics-of-an-overlord
Since the description was lacking, I played my favourite game, the assumption game. I might have gone a little overboard with the poetic components, but I feel it still conveys the original description's message. Like always, you can use my version or some parts or you can take some inspiration. I do hope you consider my version at least.
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//Old Description

The story revolves around a man who often day dreams about being so powerful and able to fix all world problems.

One day his dreams become true but not exactly how it was supposed to be, summoned to a strange world and now an overlord who is seen as the root of all evil, Eli will now plan to work in shadows to see if he could still achieve world peace in his new home. Will he really do so or will he fool around?

The story will take us in an adventure, suspense, comedy, misunderstanding, action and finally unleash a tale never heard before. A tale of a misunderstood hero who is also a demon lord.

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//New Description

To dream of the perfect world, without famine or injustice. A world unbound by the shackles of causality. But, is the profound dream delusional in nature, or an attainable goal worthy of lifelong dedication.

Alas, cruel is the gripes of reality.

Eli, after spending his days dreaming about this perfect world, is summoned to a strange new world. Heralded as an overlord, will Eli’s foolish dream finally see the light of day, or will this idealistic goal crumble under the pressure of society?

Follow the journey of this misunderstood overlord trying to better the world, one step at a time.

RE: I'm willing to edit anyone's story description.

#45
9/12/2017 9:25:38 AMDanetello Wrote: [ -> ]I'm willing to edit anyone's story description. With the goal of making the description more polished and intriguing. If you have an attractive and appropriate description, then more people will want to read your novel. So, I'm providing a free opportunity to anyone who wants me to take a crack at their story description. You can look at my attempt and decide if you want to use it, or some parts at least.

Just post on this thread if you would like this service.

I'd appreciate some help with my synopsis for my story. http://royalroadl.com/fiction/12952/demons-sinistra

Thanks for your time.

RE: I'm willing to edit anyone's story description.

#46
For the story 'Hidden Forge: Lucem Ac Tenebras': https://royalroadl.com/fiction/14536/hidden-forge-lucem-ac-tenebras
I tried to make the description more intriguing and ask more questions that potential readers might want to be answered by reading the story. I believe I included everything that you had in your version and I added some of my own, I hope I didn't miss anything. Like always, you can use my version or some parts or you can take some inspiration. I do hope you consider my version at least.
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//Old Description

Ian Hayes: 26-Year-Old Security Guard... until a random portal appears in his bedroom one morning.

Ian ends up in a mysterious land called Regnoras, and it turns out to be the door to a completely new life for him.

His biggest priority? Subverting, avoiding, or otherwise destroying all the cliches that don't suit him in the process of becoming an incredibly powerful manual labourer.
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//New Description

Is it wiser to act pre-emptively, or only when necessary? To protect from all that threaten, or eliminate any that can?

These profound questions have divided philosophers throughout history, but to the average and mundane, these questions are irrelevant.

For Ian Hayes, your average 26-year-old security guard, waking up on time for work is his toughest daily challenge. He’s just an average person that revels in the mundane and normal, but what happens when his life becomes anything but?

Stumbling through a mysterious portal, while facing his greatest challenge, will Ian manage to maintain his life’s simplicity, or will he be forced to face these daunting questions?

Will Regnoras, a world filled with fantasy, force him to change and adapt?

Regardless, Ian will devote himself to achieving his ultimate goal of becoming an incredibly powerful manual labourer.
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//Side note for anyone wondering:

Ever since I began trying to improve people's story descriptions, I haven't actually read any of the stories. Any changes, improved descriptions or vague plot points that I add to my version, are based purely by speculating on the original version. If I manage to guess something right or provide some ideas, then I'll give myself a small pat on the back. Ideally reading the story of every person that requests my help would be perfect in improving a story's description, but the sheer length of some novels would make this task too daunting and time-consuming. I apologise for any misconceptions on my editing process.

RE: I'm willing to edit anyone's story description.

#47
For the story 'Transformation of Fuderpsy': http://royalroadl.com/fiction/14810/transformation-of-fuderpsy
I mainly restructure the sentences, increased the vocabulary and tried to clean up the description. Like always, you can use my version or some parts or you can take some inspiration. I do hope you consider my version at least.
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//Old Description

In the world know as Fuderpsy, two Superiors Gods controlled everything, even the Fate and Destiny of all that is on the Material and Aether Realm, there was no freedom and the beings in the world couldn't think or move by themselves.All of this changed when Bob came to Fuderpsy, killing one of the Superiors Gods and sealing the other.Finding inside of the other Superior God a chance of it redeem itself.Bob pitying the World, gave to all of the beings inside of it, the Gift, with the exception of the Aether Realm.

After many years, evolutions, transformations, and invasions of beings of the dimension of Bob.On a little frontier village, a boy named Alderam was born, he has grown up with problems on his head caused by wounds his father did on him that he couldn't remember for being young and with the years he started to only care about nursing his blind and bedridden mother after she lost her legs.Will his miserable power as a Water Mage amount to anything in this dangerous world in the state of full war?
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//New Description

Fuderpsy, a world controlled by two superior Gods, stands without hope or freedom. Without freewill or individualism, a world truly devoid of meaning.

That is until Bob arrived…

Slaying one of the superior Gods and sealing the other, Bob took pity on this meaningless world and granted it a gift.

As ages pass and the world adapts, the dimension of Bob is unrecognisable.

In a small frontier town, a boy named Alderam was born. His head, for some unknown reason, was Injured by his father when he was still young, but it doesn't deter him. His days are spent nursing his bedridden, legless mother, but is this his only purpose in life?

Will his measly power as a Water Mage be enough in this dangerous and war-torn world, or will he be left forgotten to the annals of history?

RE: I'm willing to edit anyone's story description.

#48
For the story 'Mountain Shelter': https://royalroadl.com/fiction/14823/mountain-shelter
I mainly expanded on the original. The description wasn't bad, to begin with, so I tried to make it more gripping. Unlike always, I highly suggest you use my version. I spent way too much time on it and the whole WriTE discord almost went crazy trying to perfect it.
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//Old Description

It all begins with a short and dry whip crack in an isolated farming village.

The moment the young serf Ketill beholds the village chief forcing his little sister on the ground he snaps. One fit of rage later the ground is soaked red with blood and the small group of serfs is hunted by the Dragon Kingdom. Their only chance for survival is a new beginning in the nearby frontier mountains.

But what starts as a simple wooden cabin in a cave soon becomes shelter for the socially deprived and expelled. Confronted with new challenges Ketill decides to build a town in the mountains. A beacon of hope so bright that no kingdom should ever be able to force them on their knees again.
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//New Description

The ear-splitting crackle of a whip, the soul-crushing screams of a child, the deathly silence from the weak, and the primal anger of an older brother.

Under the pressure of injustice and the sickening might of tyranny, Ketill finally snapped.

His life as a serf had never been kind nor easy. Only his dearest little sister’s smile shone on his bleak existence.

When forced to the edge, a desperate choice had to be made.

When the village chief forced his little sister to the ground, Ketill did not stand idly by. With blood-soaked hands and a grim decision made, Ketill and a small group of serfs fled towards the frontier mountain range.

There, living in a simple wooden cabin in a cave, their legend has just begun. They will shelter the outcast and rejected, oppose the depraved and corrupted, and defeat those who seek to conquer.

Their start may be humble, but their conviction shines bright. From a simple cabin to a flourishing village, no kingdom will ever force them to their knees again.

RE: I'm willing to edit anyone's story description.

#49
11/9/2017 4:27:24 PMDanetello Wrote: [ -> ]I mainly expanded on the original. The description wasn't bad, to begin with, so I tried to make it more gripping. Unlike always, I highly suggest you use my version. I spent way too much time on it and the whole WriTE discord almost went crazy trying to perfect it.
Seems I have to pay our discord a visit. Thanks a lot.
I'll have to change a few points to fit the story but I'll try to use your version as the new foundation =)

RE: I'm willing to edit anyone's story description.

#54
For the story, 'The Heavens Are On Fire': https://royalroadl.com/fiction/14923/heavenly-swordsman
I'm glad you asked for help. Firstly, the wall of text, that was your description, probably scared potential readers. Secondly, the whole description sounded like a summary and not a description, too many useless names and terms, that are rather meant to be in the introduction and not the description. So, I set off to fix it. Like always, you can use my version or some parts or you can take some inspiration. I do hope you consider my version at least.
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//Old Description

Every great story begins with tragedy. Every true hero is forged by hardship. The world is in turmoil. The forces of evil are on the rise again. It is time for a hero to emerge...

In the Ancient Times, the world was in turmoil. The Dark Lord Ye Guang rose in revolt against the Jade Emperor and the Orthodox Sects. His army of undead wreaked havoc in the world until a martial hero used the Flaming Medallion and the Heavenly Sword to slay the Dark Lord. Eight hundred thousand years have passed since then. Yang Jing is a young disciple of Mount Kunlun cultivating immortality under the wise sage Elder Rong. When he is killed in a mission, however, his spirit is reincarnated in the body of Cheng Yuan, a rich playboy with no cultivation or martial artistry whatsoever. Hunted by both the Orthodox Sects and the evil Demonic Cult, he finds himself on a mission to stop the revival of the Dark Lord. Will he be able to recover his martial skills and complete his mission?

Xianxia story with reincarnation. The story has elements of both fantasy and wuxia. It has been influenced by the works of Jin Yong and The Lord of the Rings. Reviews will be greatly appreciated.
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//New Description

Every great story begins in tragedy…
A story of true heroes, forged through hardship…
A story of worlds, thrown in turmoil…
A story of Heroes, battling the forces of evil…

However, every great story has a humble beginning.

In the Ancient Times, the world was in turmoil. Only through the efforts of a martial hero, wielding the Flaming medallion and the heavenly sword, was the dark lord slain.

Now, eight hundred thousand years have passed…

Yang Jing, a Mount Kunlun disciple, dies on a mission. However, he finds no rest after death. Reincarnating into the body of Cheng Yuan, a mere mortal, will he recover his martial prowess, or is there a deeper meaning to his reincarnation?

Will he answer the call for a world thrown into turmoil?
To follow in the footsteps of those before him, and defeat the Dark Lord once and for all.

RE: I'm willing to edit anyone's story description.

#55
For the story, 'Demon's Sinistra': http://royalroadl.com/fiction/12952/demons-sinistra
The description wasn't inherently bad, it just needed a bit more structure. Some part were very confusing, but I worked through them. Like always, you can use my version or some parts or you can take some inspiration. I do hope you consider my version at least.
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//Old Description

In a world where non-humans are persecuted and hunted by the Drauveux Empire, the ruling House of Eskira is on the brink of extinction. As the decaying nation lumbers towards ruin at the hands of an influential and corrupt noble house, the First Princess is attacked by her own guards. Rose Eskira and her companion, Mira Revant, escapes into the forest where they meet Zeluhn, a demon beast thought to be ancient myth. Their meeting sets them on the path to save the continent from the Empire's impending ruin.
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//New Description

The Drauveux Empire, after a history of persecuting and hunting non-humans, slowly lumbers to ruin at the hands of an influential and corrupt noble house.

The empire stands as a hollow shell of its former self, its ruling House of Eskira, hovers on the brink of extinction. The first princess, a target of the nobility, is betrayed by her own guards.

Fleeing from their pursuers, Rose Eskira and her companion, Mira Revant escape into the forest. Alas, they’ve run from the wolf, straight into the lion’s den. The forest hides a cold truth; shrouding the monsters that lurk in the dark.

In their effort to escape, they meet Zeluhn, a demon beast thought to be an ancient myth. Igniting a chain of events, set to change the world forever.

RE: I'm willing to edit anyone's story description.

#56
For the story, 'Protectors': http://royalroadl.com/fiction/14321/protectors
I don't know why you posted a prologue as a description, but it doesn't matter. In my effort to edit the description, I took a sledgehammer to your wall of text. I suggest you try to adapt your description into a prologue. Like always, you can use my version or some parts or you can take some inspiration. I do hope you consider my version at least.
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//Old Description
Protectors takes place in an alternate history where superheroes have existed since before World War II. As a direct result of various factors such as the existence of magic, mutated humans known as “enhanced”, science experiments gone wrong, discoveries of otherworldly beings, among other things, the world has become a noticeably different place than our own.

In the year 2010, an alien race known as the Splisen invaded Earth. With the Earth’s defenses unable to hold off the extraterrestrial menace, the United Nations formed the Protectors of Earth Initiative. They gathered 40 of the world’s heroes together, and gave them the unlimited backing of the world’s government to fight at the forefront of a war that lasted three years.

Of the original 40, a pantheon of seven heroes whose courage and strength stood about the rest. They were known as The Seven. Together, they launched an attack on the Splisen queen, ultimately proving to be victorious, driving the Splisen away from Earth and back to their homeworld.

From that point forward, the Protectors became a self-funded yet government approved organization open to the public. With membership expanding into the hundreds, the bravest warriors of Earth ushered in a new era known as The Age of Heroes.

But where there are heroes, there are also villains. The supervillains of the world are active, now more than ever, over twenty years after the Splisen War ended. Some would like to make money, some would like to cause anarchy, and some would like to put an end to The Age of Heroes. Our story begins in the year 2035.
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//New Description
In response to an alien invasion, the United Nations formed the Protectors of Earth Initiative.

The initiative selected 40 of the world’s greatest heroes. These heroes, fought on the frontlines, of the three-year war.

Through courage and bravery, seven heroes rose above the rest. Together they stopped the invasion and brought peace to Earth. From its humble beginnings, the Protectors continued, ushering in a new era of heroes.

However, in a world where heroes shine in the spotlight, villains lurk in the dark. One war has come to a close, but another has begun. A war against villainy and anarchy. A war that will shape the world, in the year 2035, and for generations to come.

RE: I'm willing to edit anyone's story description.

#57
11/17/2017 4:40:46 PMTanaka Tomoyuki Wrote: [ -> ]An alternative to Danetello's edited version since I have it written anyway...

The war against the alien Splisens have been won, largely due to the efforts of heroes. Products of magic and mutations, these enhanced humans have been fighting in the frontlines of the war for three years, and have finally achieved victory.

Thus a new Age of Heroes has begun.

However, where there are heroes, there will be villains. Villains who thrive on anarchy and violence. Villains whose greed for money overwhelm the desire for peace. And villains who wish to put a brutal end to this golden Age of Heroes.

Thus in 2035, the world will be split apart by the greatest war ever seen by mankind.

I support this version. TheHybrid, can choose the one he prefers more.

RE: I'm willing to edit anyone's story description.

#59
This is mine...

"THE CRYMYCH SCHOOL OF DRUIDIC SORCERY for secondary age girls and boys may be the most prestigious institution for learning Celtic magick in the world, but Rhian is anything but. Granted entry thanks to her innate magical ability, Rhian is barely literate in the Druidic language of Welsh and struggles in all of her classes. Expulsion due to poor academic performance looms in her future, but when students begin turning up dead, Rhian's GPA becomes the least of her worries--especially when her friends are the next to go missing.

(Updated Weekly)"

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