Re: I'm willing to edit anyone's story description.

#442
For the story, "Smoke and Murders", https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/38437/smoke-and-murders

The summary describes an interesting setting, but beyond that your description is quite vague. I would recommend mentioning the main characters and their biggest obstacles (or define with the main characters goal are) to give a potential reader more to go on with. Good luck with your story and please use whatever you like from this rewrite.

///Old Summary
As the smoke and smog spill into the sky, many have accepted it as just the way things are. Even while the Ildens get's colder and colder with each passing year, and no one seems to care.

Three people who shouldn't be close find themselves forced to work with each other. But will their efforts only help to make things worse?

At this point does it actually matter how much worse it can get?


///New summary

Ilden grows colder with each passing year, as smoke and smog cool the planet. Soon, Ilden will become an icy wasteland, but no one is working towards a solution.

Three people who should have never met become entangled in each other's lives. With no choice but to work together, the group's efforts may cause more damage then help.

With Ilden already on a fast track towards doom, though, it may not even matter.


Re: I'm willing to edit anyone's story description.

#444
Thanks, I no longer need help.

Quote:Can I please have some help, too?


I'm Overpowered but I'll Let the Hero Do His Thing While I Save the Last Boss

Reborn to Rescue a Video Game World! After dying during a worldwide pandemic, nineteen-year-old college student Asteria was given a fresh start in the magical and futuristic world of a popular video game. Her mission: to protect mankind from a forgotten danger. However, shouldn’t the original main character of “Tales of Vesterland” be given his chance to shine? Now, armed with ALL the cheats, she’s decided to let the hero do his thing while she saves the last boss and gets rid of the real villain who’s been hiding behind the scenes. Join this OP adventurer in her hilarious candy-fueled quest to befriend the hero, save the villains, and kick ass!

Re: I'm willing to edit anyone's story description.

#456
For the story, 'Abyssal Road Trip': https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/38860/abyssal-road-trip

The cut off one sentences are something I would use sparsely, like to emphasize something in particular. 
I would recommend clarifying what exactly ending up in the Abyss means, or what being 'Cursed' means, because right now, without context, it is hard to follow.
Good luck with your story and all the best!

----
//Old Summary

It had been a long day, and Julia had just been trying to get home.

The Abyss wasn't a stop off she had planned to include.

Some folks get summoned, some get reincarnated, others get lost in computer games.

But that's all just stories, games, and even so, she didn't ever expect to get Cursed.

She's doesn't see herself a hero, that's for the crazy folks she knows.

Julia wanted a career, her own family, a sense of accomplishment and control in her life.

She wasn't expecting to have to add keeping her Soul intact.

What will her new path cost her? Will she even recognise herself at the other end?

The Darkness of the Abyss is a place where a single misstep can cost an eternity.

For in darkness, secrets lurk, and some aren't there for the taking.

They are there to take.

Image by Comfreak from Pixabay

This is my first writing effort, so I have been working to improve as it progresses.

The story starts off slow as Julia doesn't just plunge headfirst into trouble, well at least not all the time.

Her story is long, but I know where it's going to take her. Along with the major milestones along the way.

While Julia is the centre of her story, she's not the only force at play.

She's in a world where her actions will cause ripples and will need to endure the effects of them, and ripples caused by others.



-----
////New Summary

Everyone knows the stories about heroes. They get reincarnated or summoned, or some other mishap occurs, and then they go on to save the land. But those are just stories.

Julia never thought of herself as hero material. She didn’t ever even dream of being a hero. All she wanted was a home and family to call her own, a small piece of the world she could say was hers.

Instead of arriving home one evening, Julia finds herself in the Abyss. Not only is she far from home, she’s also been Cursed.

There’s darkness in the Abyss. One misstep and it might devour Julia’s Soul.



Image by Comfreak from Pixabay


This is my first story, and a work in progress. Feel free to point out any errors, and I will gladly fix them.
The ending as well as the major plot points are all planned out. 

Julia's story is more of a slow burn, and she won't always be in trouble. There will be breathers between the action.
Though the story is about Julia, she is not the only force in play. Her actions will affect others, and other's actions will affect her as well.


------
///Extra little edit

I wrote this out but it didn't seem to fit, but I still think it sounds cool, so I'll leave it here for you in case you want to use it.

In the dark of the Abyss, secrets lie in wait.

These aren’t the type of secrets that want to be found.

These secrets destroy.

Re: I'm willing to edit anyone's story description.

#457

Sorry Wrote: Hi there! 

I just started posting my first real attempt at a story a week ago, and I'd appreciate it a lot if you could take a quick look at my story's description: >link<



Your story description is great, the success you've had so far can already attest to that fact. It has a nice hook and the three, short paragraph structure help with the readability and digestibility of the text. I doubt I could make any necessary improvements to the description, not that any is even needed anyway.

Re: I'm willing to edit anyone's story description.

#458
For the story 'Gemstone Goblins': https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/40929/gemstone-goblins
Your initial description wasn't bad by any means, so I mainly just tried to add some flair to it. Because your description was fairly short without any major mistakes, this was the most I could do. You can choose to use my version or take some inspiration from it, either work. Good luck with the writing.
---------------------------------------------
//Old

Upon his death, instead of eternal repose, Gild Domov was summoned by a god. A goblin god, with a desperate request to save his race of extremely weak, but intelligent Amber Skin Goblins. Gild must overcome his flaws, and use his natural skills to not only survive in this magical world but to prosper.
---------------------------------------------
//New

Gild Domov found no solace in death’s embrace. The promised, eternal repose was merely the herald of his greater purpose. His soul, destined for the afterlife, was forcefully summoned by a desperate god.

Under the pleas of the goblin deity, Gild is tasked with saving the extremely weak but intelligent Amber Skin Goblins.

Unsatisfied with solely surviving, Gild will overcome his flaws and create a new legend. Under his leadership, goblin kind will rise once again!