Re: I'm willing to edit anyone's story description.

#221
For the story 'Old Gods, New World': https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/26275/old-gods-new-world
Honestly, the original wasn't bad by any sense, so I didn't feel it was really necessary to do a major overhaul of the description. I mostly tried to refine the language usage and change up a bit of the tense. I kept the same feeling as the original text, but I put my own small spin on it. You can choose to use my version or take some inspiration from it, either work. Good luck with the writing!
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//Old      

 Hundreds of years ago, the old gods of Earth had disappeared. They had to seek out new land for themselves, driven away by the more powerful gods, the ones that had won the battle for faith and power. Now, they came back, not to fight, but to ask for a small favor. The current divine rulers of Earth had agreed, and the old gods did as they wished.

 Theodore bought a game, unaware of the danger it presented. He, along with thousands of others, had entered a virtual world, ignorant of their future. When they were informed of their fate, it was already too late for them to change their destiny. They were thrown into a new world, where both opportunities and danger awaited them.

 Far away, ancient beings stirred.
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//New      

Ages past, the old gods of Earth had vanished. Driven away by powerful rivals, they were forced to seek new lands. The old gods had lost the battle for faith, but they had not remained idle. Now, they’ve returned. Beseeching the new divine rulers, a deal was struck.

Theodore bought a game, unaware of the dangers it hid. He, along with thousands of others, had entered a virtual world, ignorant of their future perils. A new destiny was forced upon them. Thrown into a foreign world, both danger and opportunities laid ahead.

In a distant land, ancient powers begin to stir. 

Re: I'm willing to edit anyone's story description.

#222
For the story 'Magical Cosmic': https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/27539/magical-cosmic
I've never written something in this formatting style, so I didn't make any changes to the format, otherwise, it wouldn't be a representation of the story style. I mainly tried to refine the language and tense usage, while adding my own flair to things. I hope you like it. You can choose to use my version or take some inspiration from it, either work. Good luck with the writing
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//Old      

Victor Petard Asterisk was just an explorer, like many others.

Roaming the unknown part of the galaxy and seeking the answer to Humanity's loneliness among the stars.

One day, he chanced upon an unnatural wormhole that brings him to another Universe.

A Universe, full of magic and wonders.

"Hah!! With my advanced technology, who could challenge me?"

"You there, savages! Still using bows and swords? Better go back to farming in the countryside!"

"And you! What's with that backward magic staff? Change with mine instead."

With determination and experience as an explorer, Victor will once more explore the world while discovering the deeper mystery of the Universe.

Follow Victor's journey, as he makes changes across the world and had his name rang throughout the Multiverse.

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//New      

Victor Petard Asterisk, like many others, was just an explorer.

Roaming unknown parts of the galaxy, seeking the answers to Humanity’s greatest mysteries.

One day, he chanced upon an odd wormhole.

Forcefully pulled into it, he discovers a new Universe.

A Universe filled with wonder and magic!

"Hah! With my advanced technology, who would dare challenge me?"

"You there, savages! Still using bows and swords? Go back to farming in the countryside!"

"And you! What's with that backward magic staff? Use mine instead and witness its power."

Filled with determination and experience, from years of exploring, Victor will seek out the unknown and unravel the deep mysteries held within this strange Universe.

Follow Victor as he lays down a legend that will echo throughout eternity.

Re: I'm willing to edit anyone's story description.

#223
For the story 'The Dragon Princess Will Stay Alive!': https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/27959/the-dragon-princess-will-stay-alive
The edit I did was from your current description and not the one you posted. I found the sentences of your description to be very 'wordy' and I tried to tone it down to a reasonable degree. Honestly, I would tone it down even more, but that would start to conflict the writing style. I didn't change too much other than that. I hope you like it. You can choose to use my version or take some inspiration from it, either work. Good luck with the writing
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//Old      

Left alone to wait in a cave for her mother to come back for them, the child princess of dragons must learn fend for herself and her sister in the woods. And between dealing with the existential implications of being a shapeshifting lizard and the fact that she can fire-breathe all she wants and there still won’t be any the more food on the table from her complete absence of hunting skill, she’s pretty doomed... But with the power of stubborn determination alone, this dystopian dragon princess plans to stay alive.



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//New      

Abandoned in a cave, the child princess of dragons must learn fend for herself and her sister. Between dealing with the existential implications of being a shapeshifting lizard and the fact that she can breathe fire, she has much more pressing concerns weighing her down.

A growling stomach is a reminder of her abysmal hunting skills, but with the power of stubborn determination alone, this dystopian dragon princess plans to stay alive.

Re: I'm willing to edit anyone's story description.

#224
Talox Wrote: Hey, I'd be beyond grateful if you helped with my descreption. While the current one gives an okay introduction, I would imagine you could easily come up with a better one, given how you do this regularly.

Link:
https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/28141/if-we-fall-from-madness-liquid-skies-1


Honestly, your description looks good. The only complaint that I have is its length. If this was on the back of a book, the length is perfect, but it's way too long for a web series. The unfortunate truth is that few would bother to read such a long description. I love the premise and if you are willing we can work together to compact the current description to a web format, but I need more information before I can work on such a version if you even want one. I'm sorry I can't help, but the current description is beyond the scope of this service. You can send me a message if you want to take up my offer. 

That being said, the description looks good from an objective point of view.

Re: I'm willing to edit anyone's story description.

#226
My synopsis is basically non-existent, but that's on purpose as i don't want to be superfluous and since my story has no real plot.

Hoping you would be able to make it more impactful despite the small number of words, and leave readers curious about what happens while hammering the point that the novel is based on 'cuteness' 

Thanks for the help!

https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/28535/cutest-in-the-omniverse

Re: I'm willing to edit anyone's story description.

#231
I've wrestled with my story description on Andrea's Tale for ages. The story is so complex, and it covers so many topics that wish I could fit into a description, but I've failed to encapsulate them succinctly. It's a fairy tale, but it covers racism, gender politics, environmental degradation, xenophobia, trans issues, and more, all embedded in the story in subtle ways, while still being a fantasy adventure story. 

I see that you've done many of these free descriptions for quite some time. I would understand if you're tired of doing them. Let me know if you're still game for another :)

https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/29694/andreas-tale

Re: I'm willing to edit anyone's story description.

#235

BubbleGum Wrote: My synopsis is basically non-existent, but that's on purpose as i don't want to be superfluous and since my story has no real plot.

Hoping you would be able to make it more impactful despite the small number of words, and leave readers curious about what happens while hammering the point that the novel is based on 'cuteness' 

Thanks for the help!

https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/28535/cutest-in-the-omniverse


This story is currently on a hiatus and thus does not comply with the rules of this thread. If the story becomes active again, then I'll reconsider your request.

Re: I'm willing to edit anyone's story description.

#238
For the story 'Panthea Online': https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/29062/panthea-online
I mostly tried to improve and polish your description. I tried to keep the meaning the same in the editing process. I hope you like it. You can choose to use my version or take some inspiration from it, either work. Good luck with the writing.
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//Old     

The blood was still wet, the words "Find them." dripping slow warm drops to the floor.

Vailen Wolfe, can't remember his real name, the list of names in his hands the only clue to who he might be.

James Wolfe just wanted to play Panthea Online the new VRMMO with his brother and friends, but blunders early on in the game may have cost him more than he knows.

James, now Vailen in the game, must track down his brother and friends, summon his courage to find the mysterious Soulwell and its guardian deep in the realm of death. The rag-tag band of heroes hopes of recovering Vailen's memories before its too late, and he can never return to his body, but do they have the strength?

* I will be shooting to update this at least once a week. Thank you for sticking with me.

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//New     

Scribbled in fresh blood, the words "Find them.", drips from the wall.

Vailen Wolfe, lost and clueless, can’t recall his real name. The list of names that he’s clutching, is his only solace.

James Wolfe only wanted to play Panthea Online, a new VRMMO, with his brother and friends. Unfortunately, several early, in-game blunders may have cost him more than he realises.

James, now Vailen in the game, must track down his brother and friends and summon the courage to find the mysterious Soulwell and its guardian hidden deep within the realm of death.

The rag-tag, band of heroes’ hopes of recovering Vailen's memories, seem bleak. Will they succeed before it is too late, or forever condemn him to never return to his real body?

* I will be aiming to update at least once a week. Thank you for sticking with me.

Re: I'm willing to edit anyone's story description.

#239

Igi Wrote: See if you can do anything with this.

https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/29176/the-space-legacy

Is it too long?
Thanks.

Honestly, it looks good. Usually, I'm an advocate for shorter description rather than long ones, but the reason for that is because people include useless information when the descriptions are longer and also because web audiences tend to gravitate more towards short descriptions. But, from looking over your description, I can say that nothing needs changing or improving. 

Sorry, I can't be of more help. I started this service to help those who struggle and this a bit beyond my scope.

Re: I'm willing to edit anyone's story description.

#240
For the story 'Andrea's Tale': https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/29694/andreas-tale
The wasn't that much that could be improved upon, all that I did was edit the format a bit and add one comma. My honest recommendation to get more readers is to change the fiction cover as soon as possible. The cover looks bland and uninteresting. I hope you like it. You can choose to use my version or take some inspiration from it, either work. Good luck with the writing.
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//Old   

A young girl who has grown up on a magical mountaintop decides to leave her perfect home to discover the world below her paradise. What she finds there surprises, frightens, and enlightens her. As she descends her mountaintop utopia, she finds the world below is not what she expected. Creatures and other curious friends shape her experiences on her coming-of-age adventure in a land she has only dreamed of. Forced into situations beyond her control, Andrea becomes an unwilling saviour for communities desperately seeking help from a pending environmental collapse.
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//New   

A young girl, who has grown up on a magical mountaintop, decides to leave her perfect home to discover the world below her paradise. What she finds there surprises, frightens, and enlightens her.

As she descends her mountaintop utopia, she finds the world below is not what she expected.

Creatures and other curious friends shape her experiences on her coming-of-age adventure in a land she has only dreamed of. Forced into situations beyond her control, Andrea becomes an unwilling saviour for communities desperately seeking help from a pending environmental collapse.