Lesson 5: Setting

#1
Paint with words. Show the reader the world in your imagination. Don't be boring.

Vague prompt: In 500 words, depict a scene where the setting is described in high detail. Make sure a story is still being told, and keep the story moving.

Specific prompt: Ysandre has just joined the crew of a space ship battalion. In 500 words, depict the orientation tour of The Arcturus. Keep things moving and don't make it boring.

RE: Lesson 5: Setting

#2
Hopefully I didn't make it too boring. (I might have done this terribly though, so sorry about that.)

~~~~~

“Welcome to the Arcturus. I am Zen, and I will be your guide for this tour.”
 
My attention is caught by a small levitating machine the size of a baseball.
From its one glowing eye It projects a blue, small scale image of the Arcturus, slowly zooming in on our current position. It continues to ramble while I reminisce.
Just the beauty of space and the wonders it presented nearly made me forget about the orientation. I then drift back to the sight that first captivated me.
 
Outside this wide, pressurized window lies a cluster of stars that form constellations within my mind. They are strewn out there like paint to a canvas, but much more alluring as comets and various balls of gas are being passed by.
It’s dark and desolate, but the collections of gems out there makes life here rather bearable.
 
“Come Captain Ysandre. I shall show you to your workplace.”
 
I am suddenly brought back to the confines of the ship, disrupted from the tour of my own.
 
Zen, the guide rushes of while afloat, leaving me behind, whereas I run after it.
 
After walking the long corridor where of steel barred columns hold it steady. The door would automatically open with a soothing sound similar to steam escaping a machine- presenting us a spacious lobby where Zen hovers in front of me, and behind him is a large, well-made, dark and eerie metal door.
 
I am met with a strong feeling of pressure once the double doors behind Zen slowly opens.
The voices of people become apparent as they shout commands and information throughout the bridge in an orderly fashion.
 
“Welcome to the bridge. This is where the crew commands the Arcturus and its voyages. Today you will be part of this amazing crew and its various adventures, isn’t that exciting?”
 
My ears instantly block out Zen’s voice, and I find myself slowly walking through the door leading to the bridge where a massive round heavenly object is adorned with a ring stands in full view for the admiration of many.
Its color is of pale green and pure blue, dimmed with white clouds from the looks of it.
I happen to overhear the conversation inside the bridge.
 
“Approaching space station Europa, full speed ahead for porting.”
 
“Affirmative. No obscurities, all visuals are clear, engines are optimized. We are clear for landing.”
 
“Arrival to the planet Devan estimated to be two hours after refueling at space station.”
 
I shift my attention to the aforementioned space station that lies in front of the planet.
Its spherical shape with a massive satellite dish to its side reminds me of a certain space fortress in a movie I had grown up watching, further inspiring my imagination.
It looks to be half of the moon, Luna's size with further inspection.
 
It completes the picture. A grandiose space station that floats in front a planet, surrounded by pulsating stars and the complete darkness as I stare out from inside the glass windows separating the bridge from the outside world.

RE: Lesson 5: Setting

#3
@Series of Rebirths

You had some nice descriptive phrases here and there, but there were a lot of inconsistencies in your descriptions that made it hard to picture the scene.

For instance, "Outside this pressurized, wide, rectangular mirror" makes no sense to me. Is the space ship rectangular? If it's a mirror, how can you see outside?

You describe Zen as a floating sphere, but then you write that he "stands", which you need legs for.

Also, "shaped like a broken diamond shard" doesn't actually call any shape to mind.

Overall, I still have very little idea what the ship looks like.

RE: Lesson 5: Setting

#4
10/04/2016 03:15:37unice5656 Wrote: [ -> ]@Series of Rebirths

You had some nice descriptive phrases here and there, but there were a lot of inconsistencies in your descriptions that made it hard to picture the scene.

For instance, "Outside this pressurized, wide, rectangular mirror" makes no sense to me. Is the space ship rectangular? If it's a mirror, how can you see outside?

You describe Zen as a floating sphere, but then you write that he "stands", which you need legs for.

Also, "shaped like a broken diamond shard" doesn't actually call any shape to mind.

Overall, I still have very little idea what the ship looks like.



Thanks for the critique @unice 

I've improved it somewhat. Honestly, I don't know the mirror thing came from either, sorry about that. 

For the Zen mistake. I've fixed that. 

And lastly, sorry about the weird description of the ship. Kind of made it confusing for myself as well in the long run. 

I've fixed all the mistakes you've pointed out, so hopefully it makes it alright as a near average piece of work. 

I'd like to try again next week if ever.

RE: Lesson 5: Setting

#6
This one was a bit more entertaining for me because I got to release my imagination!!! Thanks, criticism wanted
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“Ysandre is your name? I will call you Ysan for now,” the robotic voice spoke as if it was them all its life, or how long it’s been functioning. “I will be introducing you to the ARCTURUS, the spaceship that your about to host,” the robot had started heading along a futuristic corridor with pipes and keyboards in an alien language. As they walked Ysandre started to notice the beautiful view he got from the crystal-clean windows and when he looked he could see almost half of the platform that held…cannons? Continuing to watch the stars led to him falling down the gravity switch without being in the right position. ARGH! He face-planted the new corridor with a door at the end.
“As you can tell, in the ARCTURUS we have AG, in other words Artificial Gravity. So that is why we have Gravity holes, or corners, because if we kept in that direction the gravity would soon lose interest in us and we float around uselessly. Moving on…” Ysandre had already picked himself up and was following the robot who acted as if nothing had happened at all. As he entered the room, his eyes had to blink to make sure it was real. In front of him was millions of rows after each other of soldiers, some were training, some were making blueprints, some were keeping the ship in order but they were all linked in one way, they were all strong. Ysandre had only been a leader for miniature forces, never this big. The fuel tanks were full and were glowing.
“This is your force; they did say you’d be moving up a rank so don’t be surprised! This the soldiers hanging out room, it’s where they eat, talk and train. They all have jobs that their good at…” All Ysandre could think about was the amount of soldiers he had been given, were they sure about this? Sure, I beat a force at least 3 times stronger than me and won but that was just luck! He thought
he marvelled the view.
“Come along! We have the whole ship to go through!” Ysandre ran from the sight and obediently followed the robot that was attached to the walls. He followed the robot through a few more corridors and opened another door to reveal the dock. The place was covered with jets and on the wall was ammo and armour.
“Is that the MMRT345ORG?” Ysandre pointed to a fleet of jets at the front of the dock that looked extremely thin and strong.
“Yes! It’s made for attackers, they’re good at all statistics an attackers jet needs!”
“And that is…” Ysandre pointed to a large jet with Nuclitium skin
“That is the B93SYTGRMMO blaster jet, it has big guns and is resistant completely to octisudium plasma shots, which could normally blast a jet” The robot made some bleeping sounds
“We are now finished with the Arcturus!” the robot squealed.