Senizal's Desk

#1
Lesson 1: Dialogue

Prompt (specific version): John and Teresa are having a conversation while working on a school group project. In 500 words, convey to the reader that John is "disciplined" and Teresa is "good-natured". Do not use the word "disciplined" or "good-natured" (or any variants) in the piece.

This looks like fun, I'll play this game and become a stronger writer.




“Have you done the homepage for the assignment?” John glared at Teresa coldly, expecting an answer but what she gave him was just silence. “... What’s your excuse this time?”

“An old lady kinda needed-”

“This is gotta be a conspiracy, this already is the third time you gave me an invalid excuse and, you are still not doing your part! Looks like I would have to ask Mister Warren... To exclude you from the group.” A wicked smile flashed on John’s face, true to his monicker of the school’s 3rd-Time Devil. 

“But that’s too unfair, I’m busy this week and there are various emergencies that pop up everywhere I go.”

“If you hate it, we can do an all-nighter today…” His smile quickly turned into a scowl. “And don’t try and quit midway because of one of your ‘emergencies’ like yesterday.”

“I think I can do it.” Teresa agreed immediately as this project they are making right now will make up most of their grades in the Blogging course.

“Your phone…” John gracefully extended his at Teresa

“Why would you want my phone? Invasion of a lady’s privacy?” She asked innocently.

“Hell no, just to ensure none of the ‘urgent events’ pop out while we are working.” John strongly denied. “It would turn into another yesterday if that thing remains on.”

“B-but what if mom would mistak-” John’s signature grin returned again.

“Goodbye grades?”

A conflicted expression surfaced Teresa’s face upon facing this dilemma… Without her phone, she won’t be able to help her clumsy step-mother on her chores and she especially worried about her special step-brother.

“What if-”

“As if the same person could be kidnapped the next day and if should that happen, I would pick up your calls and stop our project. Deal? Hand over your phone… Now!”

Reluctantly, Teresa held out her phone, resigned. There was no way out of the situation and John would allow her to get excused if another incident like kidnapping will occur.

“C-can I go to the toilet?”

John thought deeply then possible situations sprouted within his mind, forming a tree of predicitions.

“Yes, you can. But if it exceeds 5 minutes, you’ll give a funeral to your grades…”

“U… Fine!”

RE: Senizal's Desk

#2
Hi Senizal,

To me, your John feels more "strict" than "disciplined". Using threats to convince people isn't a particularly "disciplined" thing to do, especially if he enjoys it.

If I were to give Teresa an adjective, it might be something like "overworked" or "worried". She seems to be helping people out of a sense of anxiety.

RE: Senizal's Desk

#3
09/28/2016 21:03:41unice5656 Wrote: [ -> ]Hi Senizal,

To me, your John feels more "strict" than "disciplined". Using threats to convince people isn't a particularly "disciplined" thing to do, especially if he enjoys it.

If I were to give Teresa an adjective, it might be something like "overworked" or "worried". She seems to be helping people out of a sense of anxiety.


That came out weird... I only wrote about my observations and my definition of strict and good-natured is kinda warped than most people but I'll do my best this time. (It was partly my fault for listening metal while writing that one)




“The formatting is way off, this should be on the center…” John started sifting through the chaotic creation of Teresa that could barely qualify as a homepage for their school project.

“I think there’s more to school in life, so I think you should unwind for a bit. There are things that would help you see the world better than all-school.” Teresa smiled awkwardly for a bit as John harshly critiqued her work.

“Like what?” John’s typing noises resounded throughout the room as he tries to change the disorderly format of the homepage.

“Like doing community service especially for those that need them like Darton and Malille.” Her smile changed once again into a truly happy smile but John’s next statement blew it away.

“Why would I have to help hobos and drug addicts, it’s their fault in the first place that they got stuck there. If I ever help the, they will only grow dependant on me.”

“But-”

“‘To give a man fish, he will live for a day. Teach him how to fish and he can fish for a lifetime.’ Show me first that you did that successfully and I will help you once a month. If you can do it, that is. Afterall, I’m a fair and man.” Typing suddenly came into a halt. “Why are you using tables when you can use an actual menu for the toolbar?”

John sensed the awkwardness in the room so he changed the subject, he can’t take that kind of atmosphere for too long.

“Hehehe, I kinda skipped the class for that.”

“It was the donation drive, right?”

“How could you know?” Teresa straightened her back.

“Come over here, I’ll teach you and and you also can ask for matters that that you gave skipped classes on.” Teresa looked at the Frozen Prince of their school, like those rumors of him breaking hearts of people was turned false.

“Could it be, you’re actually a nice person?” Teresa sat besides John as she stared on his face hard enough for him to notice it.

“Hell no, I only stated their detrimental flaws and I find nothing of that in you.” John turned away from the screen so that she can’t see his face.

“But isn’t helping ‘detrimental’ to you?”

“Yeah, but you do it for the sake of your dream, right. Others are just doing it for fun without consideration for their future and I hate that.”

“Don’t be too hard on yourself, John. Let me fix my mistakes on that one and work on the posting system. I’ll ask for questions about the parts I don’t understand, okay.”

Teresa placed her laptop beside John’s and turned it on while John didn’t waste any more time and pointed the coding that needs to be changed.

An entire hour had passed and the two were still making their blog. Throughout that time period, there was only silence, broken by Teresa from time to time with a question.

However this time: it was different.

“Can I come with you this weekend.”

“You can come but what’s with the change of heart?”