Members, attempt review by Oct 10th for The Undying Cultivator

#1
Here's the fiction link

http://royalroadl.com/fiction/7301

Here are questions to consider or attempt to fill out.

Spoiler :

If at any point you stop reading this fiction, cite why here:


Provide a brief impression of the blurb on the fiction page:


Provide a brief impression of just the first chapter (Or first 2-3 if they are extremely short):


If you reached the end willingly, what were unanswered issues do you recall:


If the story follows a main character, tell us what stood out about them:


What about this story feels stereotypical or trope filled to you:


What about the writing style did you enjoy? Provide specifics:


What about the writing style did you dislike? Provide specifics:


Were they any lines that amused you for any reason? Cite them below:


What about the setting bothered you? Be specific:


Tell us the most attractive thing about this story to you:


It is expected that each member do what they can and nothing more. If your desire is to tear apart the fiction for flaws, do so. If you are unable to read it because of the cover or blurb, say so. Provide feedback on any and everything you find yourself willing to suffer through.

Members are NOT to post actual reviews to the fictions at hand, please provide commentary within this thread.

Thank you.

RE: Members, attempt review by Oct 10th for The Undying Cultivator

#3
Alright, time to start this off.

Blurb and Cover.

Cover is not very revealing. It's not very anything, not even a cover. Instead, it looks like a corner of what should have been a cover, which isn't good. There's no title, no author, both of which should be the mainstays of any cover. What is it???

Blurb. Very confusing and jam-packed with information we don't need. Synopsis was actually two paragraphs, but I didn't even read it because I was daunted by the large amount of words. All of that extra info, the length, schedule, notes, etc... All of that should have been done in maybe the very first chapter and updated whenever. Right now, it's a very packed blurb that doesn't help readability in the least. Does text style work for blurbs? If so, bold/italicize the sub-headings. If not, then move it all.

First Few Chapters.

Rather packed, I would say. The prologue wasn't very important to me in general, but it honestly should have been tagged as Chapter 0.1 or something. When I saw 1.01 and then the first chapter was basically 1.02, it left an impression that the main focus of the thing should have been Asbjörn. Then we get Erik and that was confusing.

Author should understand the power he wields with being able to divide up his writing into chapters. The prologue was also part of the first chapter, and there were also some flashbacks and extra perspectives stuck to chapters solely given to Erik (his name as the title for those parts means it's supposed to be in his perspective).

Divide everything up. Prologue should be unattached from the main storyline so that people won't get confused if they skip it. Flashbacks and extra perspectives should be given side chapters of some sort, or done in a way that actually screams "NOT PART OF THE MAIN STORYLINE." The best, and cheat way of doing so is, again, side chapters.

Internal dialogue and character interactions were fine. Grammar is good. Plot has begun to build. I admit, I skim.

RE: Members, attempt review by Oct 10th for The Undying Cultivator

#7
Woah, Anus impaling. Didn't need to read that...


I guess I shall say the title of "Cultivator" was very misleading for people wishing to read a story about cultivation. This is western fantasy with all of its gloomy shadows, unkempt and angry soldiers, crazed main characters, and seemingly perpetual night.

For me, I think the author was going for such a thing. As I read, there doesn't seem to be a change in tone or style, and he doesn't seem to try and make it lighter in the least. The Main Character is constantly dealing with his issues, and the people within his castle seem to dislike him more than anything.

And then BAM. Celestial Dragon in a medieval western setting. It's so out of place that I stared at it for a while. It's capitalized too, so not like I can ignore it.

There is a lot of Patrick flashbacks, yet I'm not entirely sure why I should be reading any of it. Chapter 2.05 was a chaotic chapter. I have no idea its point.

Oy, oy. Celestial Dragon + Patrick + MC merge. I guess 2.06 explained the reasons for everything before.

More odd words, a Stöðin this time. I mean, usually, when people make up terms, they use words that could allow readers to guess and interpret the usage. This story doesn't seem to care and just throws them out. Unless they're names, it never usually works if it's an original work and not a translation. And even if it were a translation, we'd at least get a foot note or two about the meaning.

RE: Members, attempt review by Oct 10th for The Undying Cultivator

#8
Oh ho ho, questionable. We have a Japanese Seppuku-like ritual. Is this not Western?


I am really unsure exactly what is happening in the novel. It's a bit... plotless.

Eric returns, agonizes over the unknown that has happened to him, and finally gets to bed the girl he loves.

Patrick returns, Eric wants to silence him, they both die and Erik consumes him. Celestial Dragon awakes and they all fly off into the night. Erik now has Patrick in his head and the Celestial Dragon in his gut (like a tapeworm, IMO).

Asbjorn now believes Eric is some doppleganger since the Dragon burst from his body. He leads an expedition to hunt. Eric just wants to get back.

It may seem like plot, but it's just a mass of circumstances and we're reading what's happening. A main plot is an overarching thing, a presence that's always there. There is no such presence here.

To me, there was no beginning, middle, end. It's more like a Chinese or Japanese webnovel in that regard. Just a spam of chapters without any real goal behind it all.

For instance, I can't think of the first section and tell you exactly what the overarching plot of it was. The title of the section was "A Monster Inside" and I would honestly rename it "A mixed return". We get the MC back in his castle, with odd circumstances surrounding his recovery. He revives in the beginning, questions what happened in the middle, beds the girl at the end.

The second section fits the first title more. He finds out Patrick is alive, strives to go out and silence him, Dragon wakes up and the three merge and fly off. His most trusted friend now wants to kill him.

I guess the jist of it is, Why do I want to stick with the story? I do admit that the Dragon/Erik/Patrick thing is rather fun, but that's it. I don't really care that Asbjorn wants to kill him, and I don't care about the extremely subtle politics of the realm. The Lightweaver and Cultivator titles don't even seem to fit the abilities they possess.

And then there are the terms. Everytime I read them, I barely understand why they were used...

Urgh. Section three now, but I think I'll stop.


Any questions, just ask. I'll try and give whatever.