Hey, guys!

I just found out about this forum and I'm not sure I can just drop here and ask for things.

Sorry if I can't, just let me know and I'll delete this thread.

Now, considering I didn't get everything wrong, I'd like a big help with my fiction.

I'm writing a VR fiction with a dark background. Underworld, bad people all around, and so on.

First, I know my synopsis sucks:

Quote:Jack’s early life consisted of learning how to get revenge, insubordination and street fighting. He thought his life sucked. Then he killed his parents.

It was an accident, or so they said. Like most accidents, it could have been prevented if he had acted differently. His psychologist insisted he had to let it go, but only booze and games could make him forget it for a time, and booze could lead to another “accident.”

Thus Earth got itself another unexpressive game addict.

Unexpressive until Valia Online came out, that is.

In the Underworld, where only the not-so-good species of Valia thrive, he began his journey as an Unbound Deathlord.

Who would say the accumulated knowledge of his youth would be so important in a game?


Even if I know it's bad, I don't know how to improve it. Could you guys give me some tips?

Second, I still think there are things missing in the fiction itself. From the feedback my awesome readers have given me, I am considering accepting these:

1. Show character creation

2. On chapter 1, after possible character creation, show MC floating over the world. Then he falls, goes through the ground and sees the prison from above. Then he falls more and gets to his prison cell.

3. Explain better the MC's motivations through all the book

4. Give MC an animal pal (related to #3, to better show the MC's personality and his thoughts in a less boring way).

And that's it.

Can anyone help me, please?

Link: http://royalroadl.com/fiction/7793