Fiction idea, what's your take on it?

#1
Way back, I frequented royalroadl a lot, it used to be one of my favourite hobbies and then I left for a long time.

The reason I'm back is pretty much solely because of this idea that I've taken a fancy too. It sounds like it will be a fun hobby, since I need one now that I'm in the gap between high-school and university.

The tentative name is: Lord of the Peasants!

Minus the exclamation mark, that was more out of dramatic appeal. Its tentative because a lord of peasants is pretty much just a lord... which has less to do with the intended story than I think. But I digress. (suggestions are welcome)
-----------
The story centralizes on Bryn. An illustrious arch mage of the Kingdom of Relis! He who pioneered the development of future magical theories and technologies! Who is also an arrogant prick and a colossal loner, but that is only the (literal) half of his character.

Bryn will soon find himself in the middle of a forest, in which he will later notice that there are 2 moons instead of 1.
He will also notice that he has become a lot taller and even a bit skinnier.

This is because he is currently inhabiting a resident of a different world, who is named Lupin.

Lupin is quite different from Bryn. He is of low birth, can't use magic whatsoever and as it turns out is also a father of 3. 2 of which being boys and the youngest being a daughter. Not to mention he is quite a bit older than Bryn by a few hundred years or so. Which has a lot to do with his race, but also sort of due to the world itself as well.
- Lupin is pretty frail , and of low birth
- He is kind and humble
- He is also good with his hands
- and quite popular too (more so with the men, but we'll get to that)
- Lupin lost count of his age after a few hundred years

Versus Bryn who:
- is human.
- Is accustomed to the easiness of life thanks to magic
- Is lordly and arrogant due to his high birth and position as a successful mage and researcher
- He is weak to manual labour, and pain (but will have to deal with it)
- Bryn left his world at the age of 62
-----------------------------------------------------------
The meat of the story stems from the fact that these two souls fused together, Bryn is the 'conscious' soul but his actions are heavily influenced by Lupin's original personality. This slowly changes Bryn until the two truly become a single soul.

The MC's main drive is his inability to become the mighty mage he once was, and has decided to dedicate his knowledge to making 'his' children the mightiest mages in the world! So that all his knowledge does not become vain.

This however turns out to be an easily accomplished task as this world has no concept of mana or mages. Instead the world is infested with cultivators and a foreign force called Qi. After this is discovered the MC naturally has a new drive.  

Now that's the MC, his motive and the intended to be very short prologue (as Bryn's disappearance itself actually does have relevance to the plot) out of the way.

- Bryn is a foreign soul that fused with Lupin of a different world
- The MC is named Bryn but is recognised as Lupin
- Bryn understands he can't use magic and attempts to teach Lupin's children
   - Lupin's betrothed is named Yulin
 - Bryn's personality changes partly due to Lupin's influence and partly due to his surroundings/obligations
 - Bryn's most base desire is knowledge (and though he rejects it, he desires friends over knowledge)
   - Bryn is a fundamentally lonely character
------------------------------

Behold! The world of Liyria!

In an age long passed the surface of the world blew up. Sending parts of the surface into the sky. Making the surface from then on generally very mountainous and hilly. Liyria has not one but TWO orbits, the first one is of course natural and is in space. Objects behave as you'd expect them to here.

The second however is a mystery, and behaves in strange ways. Compared to the first orbit its actually very close to the ground (from a planetary scale, it is very much in the clouds). The shadows of these sky islands and continents are rarely visible from the surface.

Though I say blew up, it is more akin to pieces of metal slowly getting attracted by a magnet. In other words, parts of the ground floated up.

The empire in the sky is more or less  the antagonist who lord over the surface. (This is a temporary idea and may change. The Nimbus empire (tentative name) is comprised of 3 major powers.

- The world is called Liyria
- Liyria has 2 orbits
- The first is typical and in space
- The second is atypical and in the clouds
- The surface is generally mountainous and its people often reflect that

Humans are intended to be a reclusive race in this story, and are generally considered rare. Even highly prized as the species of origin by some researchers which is why most races are referred to or described as 'demi-humans' or 'humanoid'.
---------------------------------------------------------

To conclude, this is a fusion of western and eastern fantasy. I use 'qi' as it is familiar and not because the culture is necessarily Chinese.

It is about change, identity, perspective, loneliness and desire. Maybe vanity and futility as well.  

I am not intending to make a dark story, but if it fits then it fits.

Ideas for a better title are welcome! God please help me.

RE: Fiction idea, what's your take on it?

#6
Personally, I think you should just ditch the archmage and magic thing and make the main character a god-like being in his previous world. Not like Egyptian or Greek god, but Chinese deities, since you're using the cultivator and qi element. In this new world, he lost all his godly powers, but he still could see the ways of the world as he was a god after all and can use that knowledge to put Lupin's children at the top. In this way, you can still make him completely useless in cultivation, but because he has the wisdom of the gods, he makes an MC that settles stuff using his brains instead of brawn like most xianxia stories.

Blending magic and qi cultivation will not work. It sounds cool, but those two are so different, you'll get stuff mixed up and catch flak for it. Just pick one, either magic or cultivation. Your readers will thank you for it. I also assume you haven't written anything of note, so if this is your first work, stick with something simple.

Personally I dislike the whole cultivation (cringe-worthy translated word) stuff as it always gets down to someone looking at the protagonist the wrong way, then the protagonist kills him and his whole family. I prefer the brainy stuff than pure action without brains.

Regardless, all the best. I know many readers on RR are fans of xianxia, so you will likely gain a following. I still advise that you only stick to one instead of both.

RE: Fiction idea, what's your take on it?

#7
It's very complex just for an initial setting. It's not bad by any means, but I feel it might be too complex for readers to understand without massive exposition dumps, which tend to be bad. The thing is, stories only tend to get more complex as they go on and more characters are introduced, and not less, so it's a bit too much if you already start with a very complex setting. It could work if you drip-feed the complexity in little at a time, but that would be challenging for a writer. You also have to remember that this won't be the only story your readers will be reading, so if they can't marathon the whole thing, they will lose some of the details as they hop between stories.