Completed Review: Paradox Fighters by Benjinator12

#1
This thread is for open discussion regarding the review done for Paradox Fighters by Benjinator12

The original review text can be found here.

Please post any questions regarding the review below. Keep the discussion clean and on point in order to promote useful feedback.

Spoiler :

Paradox Fighters is a fan fiction crossover involving multiple well-known characters. This story also mirrors on Fanfiction.net so some readers may have already seen it. This is important since the original first chapter publication was done in Sept 2013 - over two years ago.

Spoiler :

Setting - Someone once asked what would happen if a mess of characters were shoved together. Initial characters include Holly Short (From Artemis Fowl), the Dragon-Born (Skyrim), Katniss Everdeen (Hunger Games), Captain Falcon, and many others. The result? Marvel Vs Capcom meets Hunger Games for book and RPG nerds. This story involves people from completely separate universes coming together to brawl it out. Plot tentatively justified by a dying god floating out on the edge of sanity. True book geeks can probably figure out which dying god is to blame...

So, original, yes. Very much so given the characters put together.

Characters - In a lot of places the characters used don’t match up with the iconic imagery. Curse words used are on point, abilities within reason, but odd things end up happening. One prime example is Leonidas, Gandalf, and the Dragonborn ending up on a team together. Frequently there are no reminders on what any of the characters looks like or mentions of their home worlds. Conversations and speech patterns do not feel true to the original characters.

Many sentences and speeches would be enhanced by a simple reminder of any aspect tied to the speaking character. A tone of voice, an accent, something about their looks. Often they are left unremarked so the original intent of merging universes together can be blurred or lost.

Additionally readers may need to search for each new character name that pops up in order to better understand which particular set of universes is being mashed together this time.

Solution / Resolution – Some situations defy sanity in how they’re presented and a discrepancy between power levels of opposing people. As an example, Megatron leaps in around chapter 2-6 and Katniss Everdeen is accidentally murdered by falling buildings. Other Gundams exist as well so the situations being faced are almost too comical to be escapable. Yet - they are.

The over plot itself doesn’t reach a complete finish as of the most recent chapter. There is certainly ongoing development and expansion of the main reason for this map cap universe (Read: An insane elder god has a plan) but most the solutions being offered are in terms of surviving each stage of the death games.

Creativity - The plot idea itself is hard to top in terms of simply and rarely performed premise (At least within the confines of RoyalRoad material). There are many things here that speak of characters being adjusted to an even power level. One example is Katniss’s Knife being greater than Megatron’s foot. GLaDOS and HAL 9000, two big name fiction computer AI’s are working together. Many other match-ups and items are pulled from different books (The One Ring) and used to move the plot and character development forward.

A big worry is that many readers may feel it’s reached beyond the realm of creative writing and into a land of ‘trying too hard’. However, each reader should judge this work on their own with regards to the level of mixed up genre and character worlds they can handle.

Organization - There are no sudden transitions between character point of views. The action generally stays hovering over Holly Short and makes things easier to read. Occasional breakaways are inserted to show overplot as the elder gods argue with each other or other major characters. Still, at no point in the story does it become difficult to follow what is happening outside of occasional talking head issues (Lots of back and forth conversation without character tags or other indicators denoting who is speaking)

The plot moves forward. No flashbacks are used which might feel poorly done in order to justify some current issue. Shifts between characters are clearly broken up by a *** line so they’re not hard to miss. First person perspective is not used so the transition is simple enough.

Conventions - Surprisingly this story shines in the correct use of commas. Pretty much any portion can be dropped into Grammarly and found mostly accurate. That is impressive for this site - a positive aspect which is semi upon remembering this story has had two years of time since the first chapter and started on another site. Still, bonus points for clean and readable material. Aside from a few talking head moments there was very little glaringly wrong with the structure.

Ultimately this story can be summed up by the following pros and cons.

Pros

  • Easy to Read Sentences

  • Lots of Famous Characters

  • Generally Accurate Punctuation

  • Unique Premise for RRL

  • HAL 900 & GLaDOS Together At Last


Cons

  • Character ‘voices’ feels Off

  • Lack of Character Descriptions

  • Odd character alliances

  • World Mashups Hard To Follow


This story will be of interest to those looking for a cross universe fiction. A certain level of multi-fandom membership will be required to fully enjoy it, and even then the premise may amuse or annoy dependent upon each reader's view of the characters being borrowed.

RE: Paradox Fighters by Benjinator12

#2
11/05/2015 01:40:53FrustratedEgo Wrote: [ -> ]This thread is for open discussion regarding the review done for Paradox Fighters by Benjinator12

The original review text can be found here.

Please post any questions regarding the review below. Keep the discussion clean and on point in order to promote useful feedback.

Spoiler :

Paradox Fighters is a fan fiction crossover involving multiple well-known characters. This story also mirrors on Fanfiction.net so some readers may have already seen it. This is important since the original first chapter publication was done in Sept 2013 - over two years ago.

Spoiler :

Setting - Someone once asked what would happen if a mess of characters were shoved together. Initial characters include Holly Short (From Artemis Fowl), the Dragon-Born (Skyrim), Katniss Everdeen (Hunger Games), Captain Falcon, and many others. The result? Marvel Vs Capcom meets Hunger Games for book and RPG nerds. This story involves people from completely separate universes coming together to brawl it out. Plot tentatively justified by a dying god floating out on the edge of sanity. True book geeks can probably figure out which dying god is to blame...

So, original, yes. Very much so given the characters put together.

Characters - In a lot of places the characters used don’t match up with the iconic imagery. Curse words used are on point, abilities within reason, but odd things end up happening. One prime example is Leonidas, Gandalf, and the Dragonborn ending up on a team together. Frequently there are no reminders on what any of the characters looks like or mentions of their home worlds. Conversations and speech patterns do not feel true to the original characters.

Many sentences and speeches would be enhanced by a simple reminder of any aspect tied to the speaking character. A tone of voice, an accent, something about their looks. Often they are left unremarked so the original intent of merging universes together can be blurred or lost.

Additionally readers may need to search for each new character name that pops up in order to better understand which particular set of universes is being mashed together this time.

Solution / Resolution – Some situations defy sanity in how they’re presented and a discrepancy between power levels of opposing people. As an example, Megatron leaps in around chapter 2-6 and Katniss Everdeen is accidentally murdered by falling buildings. Other Gundams exist as well so the situations being faced are almost too comical to be escapable. Yet - they are.

The over plot itself doesn’t reach a complete finish as of the most recent chapter. There is certainly ongoing development and expansion of the main reason for this map cap universe (Read: An insane elder god has a plan) but most the solutions being offered are in terms of surviving each stage of the death games.

Creativity - The plot idea itself is hard to top in terms of simply and rarely performed premise (At least within the confines of RoyalRoad material). There are many things here that speak of characters being adjusted to an even power level. One example is Katniss’s Knife being greater than Megatron’s foot. GLaDOS and HAL 9000, two big name fiction computer AI’s are working together. Many other match-ups and items are pulled from different books (The One Ring) and used to move the plot and character development forward.

A big worry is that many readers may feel it’s reached beyond the realm of creative writing and into a land of ‘trying too hard’. However, each reader should judge this work on their own with regards to the level of mixed up genre and character worlds they can handle.

Organization - There are no sudden transitions between character point of views. The action generally stays hovering over Holly Short and makes things easier to read. Occasional breakaways are inserted to show overplot as the elder gods argue with each other or other major characters. Still, at no point in the story does it become difficult to follow what is happening outside of occasional talking head issues (Lots of back and forth conversation without character tags or other indicators denoting who is speaking)

The plot moves forward. No flashbacks are used which might feel poorly done in order to justify some current issue. Shifts between characters are clearly broken up by a *** line so they’re not hard to miss. First person perspective is not used so the transition is simple enough.

Conventions - Surprisingly this story shines in the correct use of commas. Pretty much any portion can be dropped into Grammarly and found mostly accurate. That is impressive for this site - a positive aspect which is semi upon remembering this story has had two years of time since the first chapter and started on another site. Still, bonus points for clean and readable material. Aside from a few talking head moments there was very little glaringly wrong with the structure.

Ultimately this story can be summed up by the following pros and cons.

Pros

  • Easy to Read Sentences

  • Lots of Famous Characters

  • Generally Accurate Punctuation

  • Unique Premise for RRL

  • HAL 900 & GLaDOS Together At Last


Cons

  • Character ‘voices’ feels Off

  • Lack of Character Descriptions

  • Odd character alliances

  • World Mashups Hard To Follow


This story will be of interest to those looking for a cross universe fiction. A certain level of multi-fandom membership will be required to fully enjoy it, and even then the premise may amuse or annoy dependent upon each reader's view of the characters being borrowed.



Thank you for the review, my friend!

Though you said that the character voices don't always work... do you have some examples? You suggest noting tone, accent, and looks, but I felt pretty confident that I used techniques like that, especially after Part 3...

EDIT: I also don't feel like you listed nearly enough cons to make it a one star, either...

RE: Paradox Fighters by Benjinator12

#3
The Group reviews theoretically don't have ratings. They're now hidden to remove any sort of impact people may attribute to stars verses content of the review. Anything that leaks through is likely me not using the system correctly rather than an actual star reflection.

Please be aware that most reviews done by The Group are with the V2.5 layout in mind - where things will simply be a thumbs up, or a thumbs down. Advanced reviews are theoretically turning into Pro / Con listings. In essence, please don't be worried about whatever rating we apply, it shouldn't matter.

I've updated it - since the current one star 'rating' (and I use the term loosely since it's not intended to impact things) was done when I was bashing my head against the keyboard fighting with the website layout. It's now a combination of the 'advanced' review stars - which are vaguely on point.

---

Rating issues aside. I can discuss the points here on an open forum or in private messages, email, or whatever method you prefer. Please let me know what you are comfortable before I continue forth. It may take time to turn my notes into something legible depending on how in depth you wish to go.

RE: Paradox Fighters by Benjinator12

#5
11/05/2015 14:19:34Benjinator12 Wrote: [ -> ]I'd be eager to see your notes whether it's public or private.


I'll work on turning my notes into something legible for others to read. It may take a day or two as I am busy with a lot of my own writing. Hopefully I'll have it done by Saturday night - if not, I'll give you what I have and provide the rest a few days later, will a Google Doc via PM meet your needs?