So, in my story, I invented the eilish language. IS actually an old code I sue since a teenager and I really like how it sounds in my head but wanted your feedback.

1) The base language is not English
2) the sound eil /eils (read more like EL-CH)

so here is a piece:

Quote:‘Go to you Masters. Let them know there will be no war. Instead, there will be a summit at Berdorfs land. No weapon and no foulery are permitted. Tell your lord to summon the other lords. All twelves are called at Bilra’s table. Dare to refuse the invitation, I’ll shall visit them myself. And turn your houses into graveyards with none to cry over their stone.’ Than repited in a tongue Keplan never heard: ‘Veils teilsr ceilsm eils seilsus Meilstres. Avieilse deils queils neilso heilsverá geilserra. eilsm veilsz deilsso, heilsverá eilsma ceilsmeira neils teilsrra deils Beilsrdorf. Neilso eils peilsrmitida neilsnhuma eilsrma eils neilsnhuma veilsolash. Deilsga eilso seilsu seilsnhor qeils ceilsnvoque eils eilsutros seilsnhores. Teilsdos eils deilsze seilso cheilsmados eils meilssa deils Beilra. Oeilsai reilscusar eils ceilsnvite, eilsu preilsprio eils veilsitarei. Eils treilnsformem eils veilsssas ceilsas eilm ceilmitérios seilm neilnguém peilsra cheilsrar seilsbre eils seilsa peilsdra.’

My question is:

1) Is this a good add-on to the story?
2) Is it interesting to present it sometimes to a more full extent?

I don't lose much time writing it down. Is the same as english.

As a non native English speaker I can actually recognize the roots of quite a few of those words. That said, my personal opinion would be to use it in moderation, I think it isn't bad to use it for some sentences, but the average reader isn't going to be thrilled to find full paragraphs they may have to decipher.

Unless you are trying to teach people a language stick to shorter phrases. Most people will skip anything longer than a handful of "nonsense" words. I understand you made the whole language and it is fleshed out and functional, but that is only for you. Readers will skip it or be annoyed at the padding unless they understand it. So its fine to pepper in little phrases here and there to show off, or to have a character who speaks mostly that language and only broken "common" or whatever language your POV character speaks so they are constantly asking for translations. That can be a cute or interesting character moment. But stay away from full passages of unreadable text. Just my opinion though. 

LegionOfReason Wrote: Unless you are trying to teach people a language stick to shorter phrases. Most people will skip anything longer than a handful of "nonsense" words. I understand you made the whole language and it is fleshed out and functional, but that is only for you. Readers will skip it or be annoyed at the padding unless they understand it. So its fine to pepper in little phrases here and there to show off, or to have a character who speaks mostly that language and only broken "common" or whatever language your POV character speaks so they are constantly asking for translations. That can be a cute or interesting character moment. But stay away from full passages of unreadable text. Just my opinion though.

No, I'm not interested to teach since is not even based on English, but might reduce it to one sentence. Instead to provide the full text translated. Thank you for your input.

I'd skip most of it. Looks nice though! And still it's way way better than just putting random German or French in your story as a "fantasy language" and acting like a lot of your readers won't be able to understand its meaning. Or, make them feel forced to google-translate it back, which is extremely tedious to do, and extremely immersion-breaking. Abusing real-world foreign languages like that feels incredibly lazy to me

Ararara Wrote: I'd skip most of it. Looks nice though! And still it's way way better than just putting random German or French in your story as a "fantasy language" and acting like a lot of your readers won't be able to understand its meaning. Or, make them feel forced to google-translate it back, which is extremely tedious to do, and extremely immersion-breaking. Abusing real-world foreign languages like that feels incredibly lazy to me

Some are translated in dialogue, I try to keep it short. In here, yeah, I should cut it. In my mind, it sounds beautiful. But unless someone is poli and likes decoding is impossible to be translated. Although the rules are quite simple. The use of a second language helps me to divide the breech of racial separation. I do not want to use skin colour or creature types or blood.

So this is a scene where one of the main characters speaks English and Eilish. I thought would give some "King" vibe.

But in summary, might just leave the first line and a comment as the secondary character suppose is just a repetition of the speech.

For this to work, it should only be used in a few instances:

1. Dialogue spoken by a user of the language when you intend to highlight them not being understood.
2. Inscriptions on items or text in that language you want to highlight that the characters cannot understand.

Outside of this, nonsense words are waste of the reader's time generally, and readers don't like their time wasted. They'll skip over it all and be annoyed.

It's cool flavour text that can be used, for example, at the beginning of a chapter (like a famous quote/excerpt from some legendary hero). And shorter lines of dialogue, or a few words would also be cool. Just not for longer paragraphs, like the others said :)