I did this before… I think.

Anyway! Show me what you got!

Share an excerpt of a funny scene or just a quote from a character or even a humorous thread of narration.

Maybe someone having a bad day can stumble upon this and manage a laugh or two!

Well! I like funny! And I write it real good too. Here's a humorous bit in the first arc of my latest endeavour on Royal Road, entitled TRANSCIETY.

     "So. You're getting along," Benjamin confirmed while nodding.
     "Yes," Bob said. "And she's drinking tea."
     "That's good," Benjamin said. "And no one got hurt."
     "I can't say the same for your stairs, though."
     "Oh? What do you mean?"
     Bob showed Benjamin one of his now beaded and brocaded shoes, using it to point at Mahui's yellow knees. "We may have had an accident," Bob said as an apology.
     Benjamin became confused. "Huh? What do you mean?"
     "I may have spilled paint," Mahui sort of confessed.
     Bob offered clarification to Benjamin's continued confusion. He drew attention to one of Mahui's yellow footprints on the portico, indicating how they lead back to the manor.
     "She may have thrown it at me," Bob said of the paint.
     "You pissed me off," Mahui said.
     "I did nothing of the sort. You were being mean."

😸

The first one that comes to mind is from The Departure:

Quote:“Nothing the internet can't answer,” Janice did not say, because her impromptu net surfing had been incredibly unhelpful so far.

Well gosh. Since no one else is sharing, and since I stick funny into pretty much all my stories, here is something I think to be a very funny bit from The Book of ABSTINENCE, in my series of Light Novels called DOTS. In the scene, Anna has just brought Hank his stuff, having carried it up three flights of stairs and then dumping it in the hallway outside the door to the apartment of Rio and Leanne.

     "You are here for Aika's sake, and for her I will listen." Rio said. Anna smiled expectantly, but Rio walked away. "I'll call her and ask what's going on."
     Anna's smile fell. Hank appeared with two cups of tea as Rio passed by on her way to her room. She gave him a look he knew well.
     Go die. Now.
     She shut the door to her room with a slam. Hank gave Anna her tea while still holding Rio's, and offered her the chair at the table where he'd sat earlier with Leanne. Now alone in an apartment with three women he'd been making out with, and naked beneath a borrowed robe, as six bags of his crap stank up a public hallway, Hank set Rio's teacup on the table. Despite an overwhelming desire to walk out the door and never return, he heaved his bags into the place where the women were. He then latched the door and squeezed into a chair at the table, facing Anna.
     "What are you doing here?" he asked, feeling mousy and meek.
     Anna sipped her tea. "Oh, just saving your life."
     After a day of Rio and her killer looks, he couldn't disagree.

It just gets funnier from here. 😹

Out of the 26 Chapters I have pumped out for Lord Protector, there's two that actually gave me a laugh while writing and then reading it.

The First One is from Chapter 10 : The Seeress

Quote:“Your room… has quite the personality!” I remark while sipping another cup of milk tea.

“Hmm… you’re not wrong that it has personality, but… it’s to childish for me now, I’ve actually been trying to change it to be more, mature per say… but, brother always object too it, he still wants to keep that image of the cute little girl playing snowball in the garden... but, frankly that little girl has already been long gone…” She sighed and then sipped another cup of milk tea.

“Haha… well, knowing how cute you are, no brother would want their sister to be mature…” I said.

 
Wait… what the fuck did I just said?!

The Second One is from Chapter 24 : Climbing Up a Leaf.

Quote:“El… just… go easy please! He’s as fragile as you, you know! You remembered what I told you last night right? About the photographic memory he has that is hurting him.”

“Yeah…”

“So, please… you guys aren’t Ross and Rachel, you’re on a break, not broken up.”

“Yeah… wait, you watch Friends?”

“Ughh… My mom always hogs the T.V. and it’s either always N.C.I.S, Law and Order, or Friends… and I choose Friends, because mom… always nit-pick the littlest mistakes from those crime dramas shows in the court rooms and anything that involves lawyers, judges, and prosecutors…” I recounted… the horror I had the endure, just to enjoy a damn crime show whenever I feel like watching them.

“Haha… sorry, must be rough.” She chuckled slightly at my torment.

This is actually from the most recent chapter, for context in my story some people have an extra soul allowing for them to Ascend (a major buff to all their qualities, that begins to break down the body, like organ failure, if they stay in it for too long) In this chapter the male mc is talking to his extra soul within his body. In Vasuki (male mc's) inner world he had just fought a beast he's never heard of before.

    "Boreal." Vasuki said.
    "Vasuki." Boreal responded, "It's nice to finally meet you. Kind of unfair that Audra gets such easy contact with Lusalene, while we only get to talk every once in a while." He complained, "But nevertheless, you did a swell job putting that beast to rest. I commend you on such a job well done." He clapped once again, revealing two arms covered in silver scales.
"Thanks...what is that thing?" Vasuki asked. Boreal shrugged his shoulders.
"Hell if I know. I just made something up to challenge you."
"So, you just invented that thing!?"
"Yeah, don't look too deep into it. We have important things to discuss and not a lot of time."

Ohhh this one seems fun. Small excerpt from my current story Tower of Jack.

Quote:“I’ve been watching your progress, Mr. Atlas. I’m impressed.” She said, her voice cool.
“Please, my mother is Mr. Atlas. You can call me Jack.”
“I- Your mother? What?” She stumbled slightly, confused. Got the boss lady to trip up. One point for Jack.

Mindalia recollected herself with a small huff. “You’ve proven yourself plenty capable over the past two days, if not very unorthodox. So first, here is a small reward, as thanks for your effort.” She said, producing a grey vial. “I’ve noticed your stats are un-proportionally skewed. This will raise your endurance. Consider it a reward for your hard work these past two days.” She said, tossing the vial across the table to Jack. Cumberlin gasped. It hit Jack square in the chest, and the entire room watched as it fell, hitting the floor, cracking down the middle, and spilling out its contents.

“Is it a cultural thing that I’m not getting or something?” Jack asked, looking at the shattered glass vial spilled out on the floor. “Because where I’m from, we hand people delicate glassware.” He finished, leveling his gaze at Mindalia.
“I’m not giving you another one.” She said, a slight scowl on her face.
Cumberlin started giggling at his side.

Here is some humor from our story! To setup the scene, Rose has shapeshifted, and William is atop her, protecting both of them with his Light Shield. (We have yet to release this chapter.)

Quote:       A Lightning Strike twisted through the air and fizzled out after it collided with his Light Shield. More arrows zipped by, but all of them missed. Rose was a difficult target to hit. She darted without slowing down.

        “Go, Rose!” William yelled. “Dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge!” William quoted the five D's from the Marriage Survival Almanac for Hopeful Husbands. He had heard Mary quote it on a few occasions and it was fitting for their current predicament.

Soul Tear chapter 16:
Currently starting the story over as I revised it and re uploaded, so worked again on this scene and added more to it:
(It needs more description but everything tends to come out as dialog first. *shrug*

Quote:He turned up to look at them, a face weathered by sun and age and plain outfit of a simple shirt and jerkins. "Yes?" When he wiped the filling off his lips, a short tuft of whiskers on his chin moved as he spoke.

"Are you Beekaa?" Hope so, this man seemed alright.

His eyes narrowed. "Oh, so they sent more, did they?" He tossed a sweet-scented disk cake, and it bounced off her forehead
.
"Are you a bit touched?" Seconds before lunging at the monk Parcival grabbed her wrist. "Don't."

The eccentric man jumped up, spun, and kicked Parcival in the face!

"Ughh... I didn't say anything..." Parcival held his face, staggered, and fell on his side.

"Take this!" Focused on him, she grabbed a disk cake and chucked it at his head. Bop! Bulls-Eye!

Han started a purring-snort, his tail twitched with jerk-like movements.

"Don't just stand there laughing!" She grabbed another disk cake and tossed it at him, he jumped out of the way.

"Ha," said Han.

Beekaa grabbed handfuls of the sweet-smelling disks.

Bop-splat! This one landed on her eye sweet stuff smearing down a cheek. She stuck out her tongue licking it. Custard? Hit him? Run?

He jumped forward and back again, whacking the top of everyone's heads.

"Ow!" She tried catching his robes, but he was too fast.

The corners of his eyes crinkled as he danced around in a circle. "You never collect this fee!"

The dancing stopped, and his face became serious again. Then gone.

Vanished. She blinked. He… vanished?

"Wait! Come back!" She eased into the stool and stared where Beekaa had been. What just happened?"

Parcival sniffed and beat a cloud of dust from his clothing. "I don't remember him being quite so... spirited."

Watch Sylph butcher the English language.

Quote:Brandon hurried ahead, gesturing for her to follow. A few dunes later, the sand grew coarser between her digits. She had not noticed before, but the sand was rougher and the dunes smaller. Only a few minutes afterward, the initial fire inside faded, and she fell into a dull jog. Her steps grew tired and painful as they finally reached the edge of a small valley.

Sylph could not believe her eyes as she crossed the tip. “Well, tie me up and call me princess.”
“Excuse me?”
“It is beautiful. Cactussies.” She felt a dry tear crawling to the occasion. Brandon really found water in the desert.
“Cacti,” he corrected.

There's quite a few I could post, but here's a fairly recent one.

Quote:Emil’s clothes caught his attention. Instead of his grey version of the dress uniform, he wore orange pants, a white T-shirt, and an orange nurse cap. Roxie wore the same thing, except a head mirror replaced her hat and she also wore a coat. “...Were you always wearing those outfits?

“These?” The blond pointed at the hat half-eaten by his hair. “No, we changed clothes.”

“We could’ve stayed in our other uniforms, but these are cute and the impulse control between us is abysmal.” Roxie spun around, distorting her doctor’s coat.

Hmm...my humor is usually more of the tongue-in-cheek variety, so I don't have that many outright funny scenes. But maybe this qualifies? It's from a not-yet-posted chapter draft.

During this scene, Thenio and Seyli (humans) have just finished giving Iggy and Patch (cat-sized dragons) a bath.

Quote:"Stop, Patch! Nooooo!" Iggy suddenly leapt onto Thenio's arm and clambered up to his shoulder. "Patch is trying to eat me!"

"Say what?" Thenio blinked in confusion at the baby dragon, who was staring after Iggy with a discontented expression.

"Patch found one of my scales stuck to the towel, and he pulled it off and put it in his mouth. And he crunched it up!" Iggy flattened his ears, looking aggrieved. "And then he came over and started licking me, like he wanted to eat more! He thinks I'm tasty!"

Thenio stroked Iggy's back to soothe him. "Well, he's a baby, right? It's normal for babies to try to eat things they find lying around." He glanced at Seyli. "It's normal, right?"

"Well…kind of?" She frowned slightly at Patch. "It's not that unusual for dragons to want to eat scales. You sometimes see it with females that are getting ready to lay an egg."

Thenio and Iggy looked at each other. Then they looked at Patch.

Seyli rolled her eyes. "Just what are you two thinking? Patch is a boy. And he's a familiar. And he's just a baby. He's obviously not going to lay an egg." She sighed. "It's a sign of nutrient deficiency. And nesting females are much more likely to suffer from nutrient deficiency. That's all."

"Oh. Right." Thenio did his best to look impassive. "Of course. We knew that. We were just…pondering the implications of what you said. Right, Iggy?"

"Right. Pondering." Iggy looked confused but nodded obediently. "We're implit…implicatly…um…we're super ponderous!"

Quote:<cite>Rynn the Tired</cite>Hmm...my humor is usually more of the tongue-in-cheek variety, so I don't have that many outright funny scenes. But maybe this qualifies? It's from a not-yet-posted chapter draft.<br><br>During this scene, Thenio and Seyli (humans) have just finished giving Iggy and Patch (cat-sized dragons) a bath.<br><br>

Quote:"Stop, Patch! Nooooo!" Iggy suddenly leapt onto Thenio's arm and clambered up to his shoulder. "Patch is trying to eat me!"<br><br>"Say what?" Thenio blinked in confusion at the baby dragon, who was staring after Iggy with a discontented expression.<br><br>"Patch found one of my scales stuck to the towel, and he pulled it off and put it in his mouth. And he crunched it up!" Iggy flattened his ears, looking aggrieved. "And then he came over and started licking me, like he wanted to eat more! He thinks I'm <em>tasty</em>!"<br><br>Thenio stroked Iggy's back to soothe him. "Well, he's a baby, right? It's normal for babies to try to eat things they find lying around." He glanced at Seyli. "It's normal, right?"<br><br>"Well…kind of?" She frowned slightly at Patch. "It's not that unusual for dragons to want to eat scales. You sometimes see it with females that are getting ready to lay an egg."<br><br>Thenio and Iggy looked at each other. Then they looked at Patch.<br><br>Seyli rolled her eyes. "Just what are you two thinking? Patch is a <em>boy</em>. And he's a familiar. <em>And</em> he's just a baby. He's obviously not going to lay an egg." She sighed. "It's a sign of nutrient deficiency. And nesting females are much more likely to suffer from nutrient deficiency. That's all."<br><br>"Oh. Right." Thenio did his best to look impassive. "Of course. We knew that. We were just…pondering the implications of what you said. Right, Iggy?"<br><br>"Right. Pondering." Iggy looked confused but nodded obediently. "We're implit…implicatly…um…we're super ponderous!"<br>

That made me smile, keep that up!

Here's an excerpt from The Trouble With Tacos, part of my Short Stories With Destroyatron series.

"It was..." Ambassador Honeypot's lip trembled for a moment, then she sighed. She looked down. "It was Taco Tuesday."

Taco Tuesday? Oh, no. Ambassador Honeypot was easily the most beautiful, charming, and self assured woman he'd had the pleasure to work with, but she had one major, glaring flaw. Gas. Her flatulence was legendary. Ambassador Hill didn't know what combination of gut bacteria was responsible, but he did know that a gassy Honeypot was the raunchiest, most potent, most horrifying series of smells he'd ever experienced. On their last assignment, the Valnien envoys had referred to her as Lafey'loo Lolaych. She'd been tickled pink when they told her it meant "Mistress of the Flaming Hair." Ambassador Hill hadn't had the heart to tell her what it really meant.

Mistress of the Deadly Gasses.

"Tell me you didn't," Ambassador Hill implored.

"We were in the lift," Honeypot explained. "You know how both envoys insist on going together. Neither side wants to be kept waiting, and God forbid they take separate elevators and one arrives before the other. So we were all crammed in together."

"And you had to..." Ambassador Hill trailed off. Please, God, let this not be what he thought.

"I had tacos," Honeypot huffed. "It was a crowded elevator. I didn't think they'd know it was me."

Ooh, this is a fun thread, thanks for doing this! Anywho, here's my excerpt: 

Quote:They took their positions on opposite ends of the sparring mat.

“Ready?” said Leo. “Do your worst.”

“With pleasure.”

Immediately Gianna invoked another cantrip, one Leo was unfamiliar with. A dozen copies of Gianna appeared, fanning out, encircling him.

“Gimmicky,” Leo said, trying to deduce which one the real Gianna.

“But it works.”

“There’s no honor in tricks.”

“There’s honor in victory.”

One of the copies came at him then. He deftly parried her blade, and as their swords crossed, the copy dissipated into mist.

Another pair took him from the rear. The first he dodged, the second quite nearly landed a blow to his pelvis. He parried the attempt, and repositioned himself to gain a better vantage of his many opponents. It was then that he noticed that his opponents had dwindled in number. Where before there had been a dozen, now there were but five. Gianna’s cantrip was failing.

“You have a nice cut, lass.”

“Cutlass?” she gave him a confused look. “Poinsettia is a rapier… Oh, a stupid pun.”

There were two things Leo adored: wordplay and swordplay. Especially wordplay about swordplay.

“I knew you would sword it all out eventually.”

“Puns are the lowest form of wit,” Gianna said.

“Alas, I cannot help myself. I have a rapier wit.”

"she thought"

i'm not sure what is the funniest scene, so here's something from the latest chapter:

Quote:“What is the meaning of this?”

“Arm-wrestling, of course.”

“A rock isn’t your arm!”

“But I pulled it with my own effort.” Yonten tilted his head, his gaze pure provocation. “Besides, even if it couldn’t be considered as my arm, it’s not like I specified which arm to compete with. I can’t be faulted for your limited imagination.”

Quinn looked a hair away from lunging to strangle Yonten, but with admirable self-control, he addressed his subordinate, “Janus, get back.”

Yonten made a show of sighing. “What a shame. A big fellow like you, and you fear facing a simple rock.”

Janus’s eye twitched. Whatever will he had to follow his superior’s command seemed to have wilted away as he faced Yonten and his rock. “Who’s afraid?!”

“Definitely not you.” Yonten’s eyes sparked with victory.

“Janus!” Quinn nearly screamed.

“I can handle it, Quinn.”

But Janus couldn’t.

No matter how hard he tried, Janus couldn’t move the rock, reddening with effort as Yonten encouraged him. “Come on, I think I can see it mov—no, that was the table. My mistake.”

Needless to say, his encouragements fell on unappreciative ears.

Hard to choose, but I like this one: 

Quote:The mage looked at his watch, then back at Estelle. 
“Listen, crude barbarian," his disembodied voice echoed within the silence, "I have a schedule. Can’t you die alreadaaaAAAAARGGGGH!!! GRAAAH!! AAARGHAAAAAH!!-”
“NEIGH!”
[...]
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAA-!”
“NEIGH!
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAA-!”
“NEIGH!”
“GRAAAAAH! VERMIN! UNDYING COCKROACH! I SHALL-” 
“NEEEEEIIIIGH!”
SPLATCRUNCH.

Haust Wrote: Hard to choose, but I like this one: 

Quote:The mage looked at his watch, then back at Estelle. 
“Listen, crude barbarian," his disembodied voice echoed within the silence, "I have a schedule. Can’t you die alreadaaaAAAAARGGGGH!!! GRAAAH!! AAARGHAAAAAH!!-”
“NEIGH!”
[...]
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAA-!”
“NEIGH!
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAA-!”
“NEIGH!”
“GRAAAAAH! VERMIN! UNDYING COCKROACH! I SHALL-” 
“NEEEEEIIIIGH!”
SPLATCRUNCH.

 
Well, that certainly looks funny. 🐞

Seeing the destroyed farmhouse was a harsh reality check. The south and east parts of Ellis County were sparsely populated, but Ben knew that if they continued to circle west, they would see more and more homes destroyed just like this one. Entire neighborhoods would likely have been bisected by the seam, cleanly slicing homes and families in half.
“Alright,” Abilene said. “I have this spot marked on the map. A couple more locations, and we should be able to move forward with Operation Circle Jerk.”
Ben gave her a double take. “Did you just say, ‘Operation Circle Jerk?”
“You don’t like the name?” Abilene asked innocently. “It makes sense. We think the seam formed in a circle, and in the middle of that circle, we hope to find the jerk who caused this, ergo, Operation Circle Jerk.” She gave him a toothy grin.
“Operation Circle Jerk it is then,” Ben said, trying not to laugh.